The Act of Seduction
by littlebadhero
Summary: Christian Grey liked his women tall, blonde and preferably naive. But the first kiss of a certain brunette might change his preferences. Sometimes a kiss means more than a thousand words. AxC – HEA!
1. Chapter 1

**This story is about a man who has a thing for blondes, a blondes fetish basically. I am in no way saying that all blondes are naive, he just happens to like those very much but not because he is a sexist - he is not, I assure you -, only because like every human being he has sexual preferences and since he isn't hurting anyone or breaking any laws, please don't judge him too hard. I think I made it perfectly clear that he has nothing against intelligent women in the story, but if you still feel like he does, then let me assure you that it is not the case. I just wanted to play with the gender roles and the oversexualization of blonde women - women in general if we have to be honest.**

 **THIS IS FOR FUN.**

 **ADD DISCLAIMER HERE WHICH TELLS YOU EVERYTHING YOU ALREADY KNOW: DONT OWN SHIT; DONT EARN SHIT!**

* * *

 **The act of seduction**

 **Description:** Christian Grey liked his women tall, blonde and preferably naive. But the first kiss of a certain brunette might change his preferences. Sometimes a kiss means more than a thousand words. AxC – HEA!

 **1\. The apple tree**

 _CPOV_

I was a very picky bastard.

I liked things in a certain way, like the brand of beer I drunk or the bars I went to. I wouldn't call myself a snob since I had no problem with eating store-brand chips or marshmallows – I had a bit of a sweet tooth -, but I didn't spare money when it came to my luxurious needs like my car or my bottle of cologne.

I just liked certain things more than others and I did everything I could to get what I wanted. It was unacceptable for me to use another brand of shampoo for example and if I had to, I got pissed. My sister, Mia, always liked to call me me a neat, controlling freak who didn't compromise and always demanded what he thought he deserved. At this part she always liked to point out about the time I made my poor father leave at an ungodly hour of the night to get me my brand of juice when we were staying at our place in Aspen many years ago. It had been snowing like crazy all day but my father, god bless his soul, had actually driven out to the nearest store to get my picky ass some orange juice.

But the thing was that I could afford my lifestyle.

My parents weren't poor, I myself wasn't going to be poor anytime soon and as long as I didn't bother others with my special needs and wishes – except the time I bothered my father in Aspen -, I saw no problem in being picky – or snobby as Mia liked to call it.

It was no wonder that I, Christian Grey, who could be picky when it came to stupid things like the store I bought my bread from, was picky when it came to my women. It took me nearly twenty-two years of my life to finally find my type. I liked long legged blondes with a great rack – and I am not talking about a ridiculously huge C- or D-cup, a handful B-cup is just perfect – and a small mind. I liked how pretty they were, how naive they could be and how they always looked like they stepped out of a magazine. I liked how their golden hair sympathized their already pale skin stretching over lean and curved muscles. Add an intense eye color, which didn't have to be blue, and I was a goner.

You can call me shallow if you want to, but let's be honest: who doesn't like beautiful women?

I had the right to find sun goddesses like blondes attractive.

"Come on, Christian. Another." Elena, sun goddess #12, giggled as she took another selfie of us with a Snapchat filter where we were sporting dog ears. She laughed as she opened her pouty mouth and a long, cartoon tongue swiped over the screen in her phone. I did the same just to make her laugh.

"Oh, look. This one is cool." She said as she turned her phone's front camera away from me so she was the only one in the frame. A flower crown was placed on her head as she took pictures after pictures, pursing her lips or making goofy faces.

I watched her for a few seconds.

Elena Lincoln was a dramatically beautiful woman. She had long blonde hair which reached her waist and light green eyes with golden sprinkles in them. Her cheekbones were high and sharp, her mind not so much. Her lips were pouty red, capable of heavenly good things and making a smart man become stupid. She always wore fancy, expensive clothes – her father was some important tycoon in the business world or something – from famous brands. Her hobbies included doing make-up, talking about make-up and taking selfies with Snapchat filters. She could be considered dull or superficial, but sadly, in our society, beauty meant more than brains.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't have a problem with intelligent women, I actually very much liked them, but sexually I felt attractive to blondes who didn't know the difference between a pie and Pi.

Was that really so wrong?

Just because I liked my blondes a little lacking in the brains department, I usually got the cold shoulder from my friends and family. My sister especially liked to make fun of my _bimbo of the month_ as she liked to call them.

Why was it acceptable if a man favored blondes or brunettes, but unacceptable if he preferred them a little bit naive, too?

I wasn't playing games with them after all, I wasn't taking advantage of them either. I was honest from the beginning, telling them that I didn't except a long lasting relationship or the usual marriage crap that came with it. I was twenty-one, nearly twenty-two, and too young to think about a future with a woman. Wasn't the whole point of college to have some fun while you could afford it? Why was I still being judged by others? Or did people just like to judge anyone they could?

"I'm posting this one on Instagram, okay?" Elena hold her phone to me, showing me a selfie of us where she was kissing my left cheek while some funky hearts and stars where flying around our heads. I barely looked at our expressions and just nodded since I knew it would please her if she could show me off to her social media friends and foes. I watched her type down a description with tons of Emojis and hashtags, cringing internally at the 'boyfriend' she typed underneath our picture. I mean you could call me her boyfriend since we were dating for a month now and I had pretty much seen her naked more often than I had teeth in my mouth, but still being called 'the boyfriend' brought a certain integrity with it.

"We look so good together, right?" She asked me with a squeal as she couldn't keep her eyes of our now online picture. I followed her stare, concentrating not on her face for once. Instead I looked at my own face, the long one with gray eyes and a sharp jaw. I was one hot looking motherfucker, I couldn't deny it. No wonder why women like Elena fell for me.

"It's all you, baby." I answered her, throwing my arm over her shoulders and pulling her tighter against me. She smelled of Chanel No. 5. Immediately she snuggled at my side while scrolling down her Instagram dashboard. Here and there she double clicked on pictures to like them.

"No, it's all us, sweetie." She said in a girly voice, sounding more like a kid than an adult. I tried not to cringe at the nickname she had given me, it was anything but manly.

I didn't really fancy the thought of being an 'us' with Elena Lincoln, but as long as that meant I was gifted with her beautiful presence, who was I to say anything?

Finally she turned off her phone, giving me the attention I had been seeking all day. Last night she had turned my invitation to stay at my place down since one of her best friends had been going through a bad break-up. It had been four days since the last time we had sex, I was really craving it. But for her credit, she hadn't left her friend alone just because of me and in my opinion this showed that she wasn't as superficial and soulless as some might think she was.

"Sweetie." She whispered at my lips, finally kissing me, finally letting me taste her sweet lips. I was an addict, her lips were my drugs.

Immediately my arms circled her hips, trying to pull her into my lap, but she resisted me by placing her elegant hands on my shirt clothed chest.

"It's too public for a dry hump, sweetie." She laughed softly at my lips but thankfully she returned to kissing me. I tried to find a spot of naked skin on her lower back, even rising her shirt a little just so I could run my fingers on her most sensitive spot: her hips. It turned her on whenever I traced invisible lines on the skin of her hips. She moaned quietly into my mouth as our tongues fought an endless battle. Her hands started to wander to my neck where she played with the curly ends of my copper-colored hair. She always told me that it reminded her of a penny.

"Mhh." Elena let out when I bit her bottom lip, driving me crazy with her soft moans. I anticipated the moment I would her her moan when she was naked and underneath me.

Suddenly, her phone 'pinged', making her interrupt our kiss. What the hell?

"Oh, it's Maria." She said excitedly as she read whatever her friend had written her. It pissed me off that she interrupted our kiss just because of a text message of her best friend. It was rude and disrespectful.

"Oh no. She wants to drive to Tacoma after him." Elena frowned as she kept on reading, sharing a few facts with me as if I was interested in what Maria and her boyfriend did. What pissed me off more was the fact that Elena was unaware of my sour mood. That was the problem with dating someone who wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer: they weren't good at getting clues.

"Sorry, sweetie, I have to go." Elena said after throwing her phone and sunglasses which had been lying on the table in front of us into her purse. She leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on my lips before rushing out of the cafe we had been sitting in, leaving me alone with a case of blue balls and a sour mood.

* * *

"What have you expected? Girls have this ridiculous code, 'chicks before dicks' or something." Elliott said while he did knee bends on the red carpet of our living room. As a sports major he practiced any kind of athletic activity he was capable off.

With a tired sigh I opened my cold bottle of beer – one of the few things we actually had in our fridge since _someone_ didn't go grocery shopping because his fitness group had a small gathering – and leaned back in our black leather couch. I took a big gulp of my drink, placing my feet on our coffee table.

"I'm not mad because she went to help her friend. I'm mad because she interrupted our kiss for a text message." I explained him.

"For someone who doesn't want a serious relationship with her, you are awfully sulky." He now was doing push-ups. I felt ridiculously jealous on how easy it looked on him.

Elliott Grimes was my best friend since High school and roommate since the beginning of college. He was a sports major who liked to do triathlons for fun – no, seriously, he did them for fun, I know how weird that sounds - and he was under the impression that he kinda resembled Christian Bale since a drunken girl had told him so at a bar years ago.

"It was rude of her. That's all." I took my phone out to check if she had actually texted me or called me, but nada. Whatever problem Marie had, it better be good.

"Chris, -" He knew exactly that I hated being called by the stupid nickname he had given me and which my friends and family were now using more frequently. "-, I know you like the back of my hand. You are already getting bored of this chick that's why you are looking for an excuse to end whatever you guys have. Am I right?"

And I also hated whenever he hit the nail on the head.

My silence was answer enough for him. He grinned smugly as he took the towel around his neck to swipe away the sweat on his face.

"Just end it if you are bored instead of being a little bitch."

I really didn't want to though. Yes, Elena was getting annoying and boring, but I was too lazy to find someone new again. She was ready and willing, the temptation of routine was too big.

"God. I really don't want to, but I really have to." I groaned and threw my head back with closed eyes. She was too beautiful to be left, but she was too annoying to be with. If it weren't a dick move, I would have ended things via text just because I wasn't strong enough to see her tears. But 'please don't break up with me – sex' sounded appealing in my blue balled situation. Four days were really a longer time than one might think.

* * *

On Friday, I was sitting in the same cafe where Elena and I had posted our Instagram picture together which had gotten over three hundred likes in five days. I had been at class all day long – for those who are wondering, I am majoring in Business and Politics – and the only thing I wanted was to get home to catch up some sleep before the party tonight. My sister and her roommate were throwing a party at their flat and as the big brother I was committed to attend it. Mia and I weren't in the best mood to be around each other, she had been sulking at me since I had started dating Elena. I hoped that the fact that I had broken up with said girl and a bottle of her favorite champagne would please her enough to talk to me again.

I hadn't seen Elena since Monday where her best friend had managed to break our kiss with just a text message. Immediately Elena had run off to help her friend, a pathetic little thing who was running after a boy who clearly didn't want her anymore. He even had moved to Tacoma in order to get rid of her, but Marie, famous for her stalker tendencies, had followed him as soon as she found out where he was. Elena had tried to change her mind, but regardless of whatever she had said to Marie, she didn't manage to stop her. She and Marie had been staying at a motel in Tacoma for the past five days, and now she was finally back in town. I had called her immediately, telling her that I wanted to see her because we needed to talk. Since she wasn't good at getting clues she hadn't suspected a thing. Normally the words 'we need to talk' triggered all kind of red flags and sirens in a woman's head.

I had planned out my speech with the help of Elliott. I would tell her that I saw no future for us and since she was too good to be true, I was letting her go just so she could find someone she deserved.

And as soon as she started crying, I was going to give her a handkerchief before excusing myself since my best friend, Elliott, needed a hand with his new furniture – obviously a lie. It was a petty thing to do, but I liked the last part of my plan the most because it was kinda like serving her her own medicine. She had left me for her best friend in the middle of our kiss, and now I was leaving her for my best friend in the middle of a bad break-up.

"Can I bring you something?" The brown haired waitress asked me with a flirtatious smile. I could have sworn that her shirt's top buttons had been buttoned when I first entered the cafe only half an hour ago. I looked at her tits for a second because even though she was a brunette, she still had tits, before giving her a polite smile.

"I'm waiting for someone."

"Call me if you need anything." She breathed to me before walking away with swinging hips. Too bad she wasn't a blonde.

Minutes passed and Elena didn't show up. I was getting more pissed with every second and just when I thought 'fuck it. Let's go.', my phone ringed once, announcing a new text message.

 **Maria and I left for Portland.**

 **See you tomorrow.**

 **Elena :-* :-***

Oh for the love of god.

I had planned to be a good human being, I had actually felt sorry for breaking up with her. But with this text she had lost every right to be treated nicely. Dick move it is.

 **Don't bother.**

 **We're done.**

 **C.**

* * *

"They broke up!"

"Hurray!"

Joyfully they clinked glasses full of the champagne I had bought specially for my sister, kinda like a peace offering, while I rolled my eyes with crossed arms. Mia and her roommate, Ana, had organized a party of twenty people in their small, rectangle flat with bad, pop music coming out of the speakers of their stereo and snacks placed on their dining table.

To say that my friends detested my sun kissed girlfriends was an understatement. Mia always liked to point out that we were intellectual human beings with a decent amount of general knowledge and a great sense of humor so it was hard to reach our standards and my bimbos never seemed to reach said standards. Look who was calling me a snob.

"Thanks for enjoying my misery." I mumbled into my drink, hoping for some pity since I was newly single. I was already fearing my empty and cold bed.

"Don't worry, big brother. You're not going to die alone." Mia said as she threw an arm around my shoulders – a difficulty since I was one and a half heads taller than her -, her spiky black hair tickling my chin.

"I hope not. I want one huge Golden Retriever at my side when I take my last breath." I joked, secretly scared of dogs but too proud to say it out loud.

A soft giggle took my attention and my head immediately snapped to the person it came from. Ana, her full name was Anastasia, was the roommate and newly found best friend of my sister. She was a quiet, young girl, a freshman who wanted to major in British Literature, the dull bookish type. Her heart shaped face was always flushed, her cheeks red like tasty apples after a long day under the sun, her blue eyes always looking like she was perplexed or astonished. She was the petite type, small curves, a B-cup of breasts always hiding underneath big shirts. I would have called her pretty or interesting if she hadn't been awkwardly shy and clumsy. Oh, and of course if she hadn't been a brunette.

Her sudden giggle at my words surprised me, to be honest. She barely talked to me usually. I thought I was intimidating her with... well, with what exactly? I had no idea.

I raised my eyebrows, waiting for an explanation of her since she had the decency to giggle at me. Her cheeks flushed again, the blood in her body seemed to be always ready to rush to her cheeks, and her eyes glistened behind the reading specs she was wearing.

"You would still have a blonde at your side. Golden's are blondes." She said shyly with a shrug, her hand immediately playing with her specs. I had noticed that she touched her glasses whenever she was nervous or felt shy.

Did the shy Anastasia Steele just made fun of me?

Somehow I managed to raise my brows even higher, her small, bold joke taking me by surprise. Mia and the others seemed equally surprised even though they were laughing at my expense. I couldn't move my eyes away from her, thinking that I must have misinterpreted her. Maybe she wasn't the shy wall flower she seemed to be, maybe she was more than the bookish librarian type who swooned over fancy dudes like Mr. Darcy or Heathcliff. Maybe I shouldn't judge the book by its cover.

I thought I was intimidating her again with my stare because she immediately turned her head to engage somebody else into a conversation, trying to make it look like I wasn't affecting her. The only thing giving her away was her hand at her specs, taking them off to wish the dust away with the help of her shirt. I followed her every move with my eyes while I turned toward Ethan, Mia's boyfriend, who was telling me about his newest classes. He was a bright kid who treated my sister right. Ana cleaned her specs with her shirt, making it raise up so I could see a small spot of the creamy skin of her tummy. It was enough to make me guess that she wasn't shaped like anything I was used to, no top model was hiding underneath that baggy shirt. It was infuriating me that her one joke had such an affect on me. With one joke she had managed to attract my interest in her, not sexually but personally.

I tried to concentrate on Ethan's words even though my mind was full of questions.

A few hours later I was drunk and tired but too lazy to go home. Elliott had already left with his girlfriend, Kate, while Ethan and Mia had excused themselves to her room. I tried not to concentrate on the fact that he was probably doing stuff to my sister that I would rather not know. Instead I had captured the one couch for myself and lay face down with my bottle of beer standing on the floor right beside me. I managed to raise my head a little whenever I took a sip. Someone had put on some soothing music, definitely better than anything that was from Kanye West or Taylor Swift. I was thankful to whoever had ended the pure torture in the form of pop songs.

I had closed my eyes when I suddenly felt someone throwing a blanket over me. Immediately I opened my eyes and saw Anastasia towering over me with her freakishly big, blue eyes staring at me in shock.

"I thought you were asleep." She said, again blushing like a schoolgirl.

"I was just dozing off." I answered her, still thankful for the blanket since I was planning to stay here for tonight. I would have slept without a blanket instead of asking Mia for one, the thought of catching her and Ethan in any situation that could traumatize me for the rest of my life was motivation enough to sleep sans blanket.

"The last guests have left. You can sleep here." Anastasia said, her blush still on her cheeks making me wonder if she was drunk since it didn't seem to go away. I tried to get a clearer view of her eyes and yes, her pupils were dilated. She was quite possible a little tipsy.

"Okay. Thanks for the blanket." I nodded at her before closing my eyes and turning on my side with the blanket up to my nose. It smelled of something fruity and feminine, nothing like Mia's stuff usually did. I guessed that Anastasia had given me one of her blankets.

I heard how she walked away, turned off the music and the lights before making her way to somewhere. When I heard how she opened the fridge, I knew she was in the small kitchen of their flat. She rummaged a few things around, a bottle popped open and a package was ripped. She took a plate from the cupboard, I heard how the plate was placed on the wooden counter, and soon their microwave was turned on. The smells of cheese, bread and bacon hit my nose, making my stomach grumble. I was too hungry to fall asleep now. She better have enough ingredients for the both of us.

"What are you making?" I asked her, making her yelp since her back was turned to me. She nearly let bottle of orange juice fall, being the clumsy thing that she was. I had seen her fall on her ass more than a nearly adult woman should. It was fun to watch, though.

"You scared me." She let out, her small hand on the left side of her chest where her heart beat underneath. I smiled apologetically at her, my eyes now fixated on the spinning plate in the microwave.

"I'm just warming up some bread, cheese and bacon." Anastasia explained to me, watching the timer with green, neon lighted digits. "I get hungry when I am drunk."

"Care to share?" I hoped she said yes, since I was too lazy to make me my own sandwich. And no, I was not thinking that women were only capable of doing sandwiches or that they belonged in the kitchen. I wasn't that kind of an ass.

"S-sure." She nodded before taking out a plate and a cup for me out of the cupboard, nearly hitting herself in the face with the wooden door. I nearly laughed out loud.

We ate our food in silence, only the sounds of our chewing could be heard, and I realized that this was the first time I spent time with her alone. We never had been alone before, somebody had always been with us which made it less awkward. Well, it made her less awkward and shy. I watched her pick of the crumbs of her plate on her pointed finger before bringing it to her lips, the tip of her finger disappeared in her mouth for a second.

Holy ravioli.

The way her lips closed around her own finger made me dizzy.

That was unexpected.

As if she had heard my thoughts, her head snapped up, her eyes, her freaking eyes, looking at me in shock. This time it was my turn to blush but unlike hers mine didn't last for long. I was used to blush causing situations.

Holy ravioli #2.

I imagined her in blush causing situations, wondering if she blushed all over her body, maybe even between her legs.

Shit.

What the hell was happening to me? Was I that desperate that I fantasized about my sister's lanky roommate, the person who stood for everything I found boring on brunettes?

I needed to get laid.

 _Soon._

"You want some more?" Anastasia asked me after she had gulped down her glass of orange juice – she had offered me some too, but I had declined since they hadn't the brand I favored. "I can make you another sandwich if you want."

"No, thanks. I'm full." The last thing I needed to do was to make the poor girl make me another sandwich. One dick move per day was enough and I had already used mine on Elena today. She hadn't even bothered to text me back. Her loss, my gain.

"No, let me." I told Anastasia as she started to pick up our plates and glasses – I had been drinking water -, taking them away from her. "You cooked, I clean up."

"That sounds fair." She nodded, standing awkwardly with crossed legs in the kitchen while I put our dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

"Would I bother you if I turned on the TV for a little while?" I asked her when we moved back to the living room where I took back my spot on their couch while she put away some of the leftover snacks.

"No, it's okay. It wouldn't bother me at all."

"You can join me if you want to." Why did I just say that? I was tired, I was planning on watching some mindless TV for a couple of minutes before passing out on the couch underneath the sweet smelling blanket. Alcohol really didn't make me make great decisions.

"Uhm." She mumbled, sounding out of breath, biting her lip and leaving teeth marks on the pink skin of her mouth. "Sure."

I tried not to concentrate on the fact how her lips looked.

Nearly ten days of no sex made me desperate.

I made room for her a little on the couch and under the blanket and we sit side by side with our feet on the coffee table. I flipped through a few channels, landing on a movie and deciding that it's probably the best we can find this late. We made a little small talk, like 'do you know this movie?' and 'no, I haven't seen it before', it sounded all very formal but I couldn't care less because my brain was already sleeping or at least seeking sleep.

Things became really awkward when the movie gods above punished us with an awful sex scene where everything looked sloppy and hasty.

I had to laugh when the tongues of the actors were visible for longer than it was actually necessary. Didn't people know how to kiss properly?

"God, this is awful." I mumbled with a shake of my head.

"Yes." Anastasia nodded, her eyes fixated on the TV. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye.

"That's not the proper way to have sex."

She didn't answer this time, her lips parting as she kept on watching the man and woman on screen doing the horizontal tango. The actress moaned loudly, sounding fake as if they were shooting a bad porn movie, making me wonder what Anastasia sounded like in bed.

Holy ravioli #3.

I thought I had agreed on keeping my mind away from the topics Anastasia and sex.

I was drunk, I had blue balls and I was desperate.

And Anastasia was a woman, a pretty woman nonetheless, even if she wasn't my type.

It was normal for a hot blooded man to think about a woman like that.

"That didn't last long." I tried to joke when the scene switched, hoping it would distract me of my own thoughts. She giggled nervously, nodding. Something felt off about her reactions, though. I guessed that she was too shy to talk about sex, but the poor feeling that there was more than that didn't leave me. I was a curious bastard and I needed to find out why she was silent when it came to sex.

"Nothing beats the real experience, right?" I sounded like a creep, asking too personal questions to a girl I barely knew, but great decision had never been made under the influence of alcohol.

"Sure." She nodded again, her eyes on the screen where cars were being exploded now. I guessed they changed the scene from one explosion to another.

Her answer – if you could call it that – was frustrating me.

Why was it so hard to get answers from her?

"The least they could do is to shoot a good kiss. It looked sloppy and nothing romantic at all." I tried to sound like a film critic, rather than a creep. "Where are the big moments like in Titanic or Pretty Woman?"

"This is just a B-movie, Christian, and no blockbuster." Finally. She was showing some attitude with the way she rolled her eyes.

"Well, they could at least try to make the kissing scenes better. How hard is it to kiss someone?"

"Some people haven't had the best kiss of their lives yet. You can't play something you don't know yourself."

"Some dude can play a wizard, but these people can't kiss?" I pointed to the TV with the remote.

She shrugged, back to being tight lipped again.

"And by the way, a good kiss doesn't have to be the best one of your life. It only has to look good on camera for them."

"I wouldn't know. I have never been kissed before." She blurted out suddenly like it was an easy thing to say, like we were talking about the local weather.

Holy ravioli #4.

"What?" I let out, surprising myself with my sudden outburst. She turned her head toward me with widen eyes and a shy smile on her never been kissed before lips.

"But you are twenty something years old, you are in college, you are beautiful." I kept on talking, my eyes on her virgin lips. Why wouldn't someone want to kiss them? She was a brunette, yes, but she was pretty in her own way and I would have guessed that somebody had at least once touched her lips. Maybe she didn't want to be kissed, though. Maybe she was an asexual or maybe she was waiting for her wedding night. I realized that I practically didn't know anything about this girl, we hadn't talked this much before and I never had bothered to think about her sex / kiss life.

"Thanks, I guess." Anastasia smiled again with a blush.

"And here I am talking about 'the real experience' and such. I'm such an ass." I felt humiliated. Dear god. This was torture.

"It's okay. You didn't mean any harm."

Dear god. No kiss meant no sex. This girl was a virgin. No man had touched her before, no man had seen her naked before – probably. I couldn't understand it, like I had said she was decent looking and I was sure that somebody must have fancied her somehow. For god's sake, she had been in High school. I was humping like a rabbit back then.

"How did you manage to wait this long? Tell me, please." My dumb mouth didn't stop asking questions, but I was really in shock. I had never met a virgin at college before.

She blushed again, biting her lips while shaking her head. I guessed she wouldn't answer me since it was a far too personal question, but she surprised me once again.

"I guess I am waiting for the right one." She shrugged as if she didn't care but I could see how tense her jaw was. This kissing business was important to her, understandably.

"The right person or the right kiss?" I asked curiously. Now that I had gotten something out of her, I wasn't going to give up – at least, that was what my drunken mind told me to do.

"Is there a difference?" Her head turned to me, questioning eyes staring at mine.

I snorted, a little arrogantly maybe.

"Of course. Just because the person is right doesn't mean that the kiss is going to be good or something."

"Oh." She looked crestfallen, as if I had just killed her puppy. I felt sorry for her naivety, she was too pure to be true, an untouched unicorn in the middle of horny stallions and dirty mares.

"I mean, if you have feelings for that person it still will feel good." I tried to encourage her. "But the good kisses will come with time, especially if both parts are inexperienced."

"Okay." She nodded, turning her head back to the TV while I kept on starring at her. I looked at her Roman nose, her naturally thin and neat eyebrows, her pink lips and her reddened cheeks under the light of the TV. She was young, inexperienced when it came to sex, and an empty book with pages to fill. Her life was just starting and one day she would understand how good sex could feel or how a great kiss could sweep her off her feet.

I could give her a great kiss.

The thought came out of nowhere but it didn't leave as fast as it came. No, it put its root into my head and started to grow like a tree, an apple tree with apples as red as her reddened cheeks. I was dumb enough to eat one of the metaphorical apples in my head, so the bloody thing was now in my guts, making something swirl in my stomach.

I had to be honest: the thought of teaching her to kiss was sexy as hell.

No man had touched her lips before, I would be the first.

Holy fuck.

"Let me kiss you." I said throatily, my eyes fixated on her lips. Her head snapped to me, her blue eyes widened, her lips parted.

"What?" She whispered in shock.

"Let me give you a first, great kiss."

Sanity had said bye a long time ago, leaving a lot of space for the hot image of kissing her and christening her lips. The macho in me was determined to give her one hell of a kiss, making her compare anybody else following my footsteps with me.

"Why?" She asked, turning fully toward me.

I had no idea why. Maybe I was just really craving a kiss and the whole teaching her how to kiss was a huge turn on and great for my ego. Maybe I was curious about the taste of her. Who knew why I wanted to do it. The fact that I wanted to do it was enough of a reason for me.

"To give you a good experience? To take away your anxiety when the right person comes? I don't know why." I shrugged with a swirl of something nameless in my guts, muting the TV. We didn't need some B-movies soundtrack in the background for our conversation.

"What happens after we kiss? What comes after that?" She breathed, perplexed still.

"Well, usually sex."

"What?" She shrieked again, lightly thank god because I really didn't want to wake up my sister. I didn't know what she would think of me kissing her best friend.

"I wasn't offering sex." I said quickly, not wanting her to think that I was taking advantage of this situation. "We won't have sex."

Her brows furrowed, her lips were pursed. It kinda looked like I had pissed her off. Oh dear. Had I just offended her?

"I mean, it's not like I don't want sex. I don't want to have sex with you. But not because I don't find you attractive. It would just... complicate things." Since when had I become such a nervous bastard? Was she the reason for my stupid ramble?

"So would a kiss." She countered with a raised eyebrow, now looking doubtful.

"We don't have to kiss. I was just offering you an experience, that's all. Nobody would have to find out."

"But we had bacon. Our mouths probably stink." Ana said with a disgusted looking face.

"We could brush our teeth if you lent me your toothbrush." I suggested, ready to do anything to get my chance with her lips.

"Lent you my toothbrush? Aren't you scared of germs and stuff?" She asked biting her lip timidly, probably thinking that my snobby ass must also be a germaphobe. I wasn't scared of germs and stuff.

"Ana, if we kiss we will be sharing more than that. I would give you the full experience, with tongue and all." I said with a cocky grin, feeling immensely self-assured while I watched her reaction to my words.

"Oh god." She moaned softly with widened eyes and reddened cheeks, crossing her legs. I thought I was turning her on. Holy shit. That was hot.

"As I said, we don't have to." I tried to sound nonchalant, but deep down I knew I wanted to kiss her badly now that we had talked about it.

She was silent for a few seconds, probably thinking about the pros and cons of a kiss. I saw only pros, but I was a horny asshole so of course, I only saw the positive site of the coin. Women could be more logical in these situations, I had a huge respect for that.

"Okay. Let's kiss."

"You're sure?"

Please be sure.

"Yes, I am sure."

Awkwardly we went to brush our teeth in their bathroom and Ana lent me her pink toothbrush like I had suggested. She giggled when I gave her brush a funny look, the color not manly or anything, but the thought of kissing her was motivation enough for me not to give a fuck about it.

"How will we do this?" She asked me when we left the bathroom, her hands at her specs again. I surprised her when I took them off her, placing them on the coffee table before sitting down on our spot on the couch. I patted the spot beside me.

"Your specs will only be in our way. Come, sit down."

Slowly she sank down on the cushions, turning her body toward my with one leg crossed underneath her. I mirrored her posture, reaching for her hands to hold them in mine own. Her skin felt soft and gentle, her fingers short but thin. I noticed that her fingernails weren't painted or manicured, they were short and clean.

"Do you trust me?"

She nodded quickly, looking eager and nervous. I hoped she appreciated this feeling because a first kiss was something special. The nervousness, the tingling tension and the fast heartbeat in your chest could only be experienced right before your first time – first kiss or first sleepover with somebody special. I had lost all of these nearly six years ago to a random girl just because I was desperate to make the experience, my hormones telling me to go for it.

Unlike me, Anastasia had waited to have these experiences – let's be real, the way she looked it was hard to believe that she hadn't caught the attention of anyone before – and I wondered why she was throwing one of them away with a stranger, which I was in a way. Were her hormones telling her to go for it, too? Was her drunken state clouding her mind? Or was she tired of being the virgin?

I hesitated for a second, feeling immensely dirty because I was lusting after her kiss as if she was any of the girls I had kissed before. The only virgin I had kissed was my first girlfriend and since I had been a virgin myself back then it didn't really count. But this girl in front of me was willing to give me her first kiss, maybe because she wanted to have the experience, maybe because she was horny, maybe, maybe, maybe.

Who knew what she was thinking? I could only trust her words and she had agreed to kiss me.

Maybe I should just enjoy it.

"I'm going to lean forward now and press my lips on yours. Okay?" I waited for another nod of her before I did what I had told her. Her breath quickened the closer I got to her, it swiped over my mouth, smelling like minty toothpaste and a bit of bacon. It didn't bother me at all, though.

Slowly I pressed my lips onto hers, her soft skin trembling under mine. Her flesh felt soft underneath mine, a warm breeze of hasty breath gently caressing my lips as her chest rose and fell. My skin prickled as soon as I touched her lips and little, buzzing shocks went through my body, my throat dry suddenly.

This was going to be one hell of a kiss, that much was clear.

I kissed her once, twice, and a third time, just to test her reaction. She didn't freak out, but she didn't move at all. I moved away a little, looking into her face to see if she looked disgusted or scared, but the only thing I saw were blissfully closed eyes and a relaxed face. I sure as hell felt relaxed myself, the silently booming anxiety of her first experience like an aphrodisiac for me.

"I'm going to kiss you again, but this time I'm going to take your bottom lip between mine and suck a little. Do the same with my upper lip, but remember to be gentle. You don't wanna suck a guy's lips off his face." I said with a low voice, suppressing the urge to throw her onto her back so I could crawl between her legs and kiss her the way I really wanted to right now. I had to remind myself to be patient and gentle.

"Okay." She said again, licking her lips before moving a bit closer to me. I closed my eyes as I pressed my lips against hers again, this time actually moving them a little, capturing her bottom lip between mine, sucking gently. My brain turned into a mushy mess, incapable of a logical thought and my dick took over control.

 _Do it. Fuck her against the couch. On her back, on her side, over you, on her knees. Anyway she is willing to let you fuck her._

Yeah. Not going to happen. I wasn't that kind of an ass.

She was a quick learner, her sucks on my lip never too much. We kissed slowly, there was no rush, just two people enjoying the touch of another, only the sound of our wet mouths and the quiet noises of the TV audible. Our noses kept hitting each other awkwardly, annoying me. My neck also hurt from leaning down. We needed to get more comfortable if this kiss was going to last longer, which was what I desired.

"Tilt your head a little to the left." I told her eagerly when I pulled away. "Now I am going to pull you into my lap. You can also move your hands if you want to."

"Into your lap?" She asked out of breath, pupils dilated and her skin once again rosy pink.

"For easier access." I explained to her, already reaching for her hips. She was a little thing, it was easy to turn us around so I was sitting with my back on the couch with her on my lap, her legs on the both sides of me. I tried not to pull her tightly against me because I feared that she would freak out when she felt the hard one I was sporting. My arms circled her hips, my fingers touching the skin that was exposed due to her risen shirt. Awkwardly she placed her own hands on my shoulders, but I didn't care as long as she was comfortable and willing.

"Lean forward."

She immediately did so, quickly hesitating at my lips but when I firmly pressed her hips, she finally put her lips on mine. It was bewitching how good she felt, how sensual she could be, her soft little moans giving her away. She was enjoying this as much as I was.

As I had told her, she tilted her head to the left, giving me a better access of her lips. I started sucking on her bottom lip, moving my hands up and down at her sides, my whole body feeling like it was on fire. I would watch the world burn if I could keep kissing her, to be honest.

After a while I changed our lips' position, giving her my bottom lip and capturing her upper lip myself. She sighed into my mouth, her hands slowly making their way to my neck, her fingers playing gently with the curls of my hair. Her own hair was put into a ponytail, I reached to open it because even though her hair was chocolate brown, it still was long – I liked girls with long hair. It surprised her, I noticed that because her lips stopped moving for a second, but she didn't stop our kiss.

She was an amateur, that was no secret, but she wasn't that bad. I quite enjoyed our kiss, to be honest.

"Now, the tongue." I said, as we let go to take some breaths. Her eyes widened, she bit her swollen lips, looking flustered.

"No need to be scared. It's quite easy. Just move your tongue in circles around mine, slowly. Take your time. If we get tired of it we can keep on kissing just as we did before, okay? Just go with the flow."

Ana gulped hardly before leaning forward again. Like the good student she was, she didn't forget to tilt her head. She was clearly deserving an A+.

Her lips were shaking a little as she opened them. I immediately started dancing around her tiny, pink tongue with mine, daring her to fight back. It took her a few tries but she managed it, as I said she was a quick learner. When we got tired of moving our tongues, we got back to sucking on each others lips, only letting go for quick breaths.

She hadn't freaked out when I pulled her tightly against me, her pants clothed center exactly above my dick, her B-cup breasts pressed against my chest. The urge to dry hump her was immense, but I tried to keep my hips still. The only things I had no control of were the way our lips moved desperately against each others and how my greedy hands moved to her ass, squeezing it as I pressed her down on my dick.

We kissed and then we kissed some more.

We didn't stop, we couldn't stop, it felt too good.

I didn't realize until the next night when I was lying in my own bed, sans her obviously, that we had kissed until the sun came up. I didn't realize that a lot of things had changed with the first kiss of Anastasia Steele.

The apple tree in my head was now a fully grown forest.

* * *

 **Is Melii insane for uploading another story?**

 **Yes. Yes, she is.**

 **But you love me that way ;)**

 **xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**You asked for this ;)**

 **Description:** Christian Grey liked his women tall, blonde and preferably naive. But the first kiss of a certain brunette might change his preferences. Sometimes a kiss means more than a thousand words. AxC – HEA!

 **Disclaimer:** **Not my characters, no money earned. I do it to torture you :)**

* * *

 **2\. Delayed gratification**

 _CPOV_

I pushed the book – a heavy thing about the appropriate usage of colors in your house if you wanted it to be zen – to the left on the shelf, getting a clearer view of the brunette librarian placing books onto the shelves in the next isle. She was pushing a metal cart in front of her, always leaning forward to pick the next book up, looking at its cover with squeezed eyes, her specs on her head even though she needed them. I couldn't understand why she wasn't just putting them on or why I found that gesture so cute. With every step she took, I followed her, hiding behind the safety of my own shelf of books and pushing them left and right so I could get a clearer view of a certain brunette librarian like the creepy stalker I secretly had been apparently – I had no clue that I was capable of such irrational things.

Let me introduce you to Christian Grey; womanizer, heart breaker, and apparently a stalker.

I was reaching new lows since Anastasia had given me a taste of the highs we could reach together. One kiss, one freaking kiss – okay, maybe more than one but we hadn't actually stopped kissing at all so the real question was if it counted as one or many? Important question – one virginal kiss from her sweet lips had been enough to turn me into a 'lips whipped' fool.

I couldn't stop thinking about the soft flesh of her pink lips, the heavenly taste of her tongue, her soft curves under my hands, her long brown hair tickling my skin whenever I grabbed it tightly – she loved that. God, she really loved that. She had moaned lightly against my mouth whenever I had grabbed her hair like a ponytail.

Whenever I closed my eyes, I felt her lips against mine, our tongues dancing round and round each other, battling maybe a war none of us was going to win. My breath quickened, all the blood in my body rushed to my dick immediately, making it impossible to create an intelligent thought. While my mind tested out every possible fantasy I could dream of, my guts were dancing Tango, something swirling around inside me with sickening but also exciting moves. A kiss had never caused such feelings in me.

 _A girl had never caused such feelings in me._

Brunette hair had never looked appealing to me, I was more the blondes type of guy after all. But Anastasia Steele had bewitched me with her kiss, with her quirky aura, with something I couldn't put a finger on – even if she had the brownest hair a woman could have.

The only thing I wanted was to feel her lips again, hopefully sans clothes this time.

A guy could dream and since the legendary night at Mia' and Anastasia's party last week, I was only dreaming about her, one dream more vivid than the one before.

Fuck.

I was a hopeless fool.

A fool stalking a girl at her job in the campus library where she earned her honest money while I creeped behind shelves full of books, watching her with hungry eyes. She was wearing a night blue shirt today, surprisingly tight around her B-cup breasts, with short sleeves and white jeans underneath – you could call them leggings because they certainly were hugging her flesh tightly like a second skin, making me dizzy whenever I looked longer than a second at her ass. She looked damn fine today. It was a miracle why I hadn't noticed that before. In fact, I had never bothered to give her a second glance since her shy and awkward behavior had put out any kind of interest I could have in her. I had only seen as my sister's nerdy, a little bit boring friend who couldn't talk to people without blushing like a fire hydrant and who liked to walk into any object in her way, bruising herself like a toddler who was just learning to walk. She had been one of many faces, another soul, barely visible and easy to be missed.

Now it was impossible for me to see anything or anyone else than her.

A soft humming could be heard from her, a song I wasn't familiar with, while she put book after book on the right spot of the shelf. When the cart in front of her was empty, she returned to the back of the library, disappearing behind a door. I had been lucky enough to have escaped the humiliation of getting caught when I first entered the building, being all incognito, since she had been in the back. Her colleague, a disinterested looking woman in her late thirties, was watching a documentary on her laptop, barely nodding at me to greet me.

The thought of using Anastasia's absence to fulfill my grand escape was logical, but my mind wasn't keen of logical things any more since it had gotten a taste of her lips. Besides there wasn't much blood left in my upper body thanks to her sinfully great looking, tight as hell jeans.

Dear god.

Her jeans. _Her ass._

I needed to kiss her again.

"Fuck." I let out when the book I was holding onto fell down on my left foot. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

I cursed the damn thing as I picked it up, my foot throbbing with pain. Of course it had to be a thousand pages long thing, thick as a monster burger Elliott and I usually ate at Jose's Grill – our most favorite fast food restaurant, famous for his burgers.

"Everything all – Oh!"

Suddenly I would rather have been hit by a monster book. It would have hurt my pride less than getting caught stalking by the person I had been stalking.

My eyes immediately darted to her lips, _her freaking lips_ , shaped like an 'O' because of the surprised expression on her face, her brows high on her forehead, but her pretty blush still on her cheeks. Red apple like cheeks which had seeded a whole freaking forest in my head. I was lost between apple trees, her blue eyes the sky above me, her smile the sun warming my limbs.

Great. I was turning into a poet now.

"Christian!" She let out loudly, her hands at her hips.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me as if I never had been at a library before. Well, I hadn't been in this particular one at least.

"I was just.. looking at some books." I answered hastily, pointing toward the books beside me. I didn't understand why I was feeling nervous out of sudden, but I had the suspicion that her lips might be the reason.

"I didn't know you were into interior design." Anastasia mumbled. Internally I cringed hardly, hoping that she wouldn't notice that I was standing only one isles behind where she had been working at. Quickly I grabbed the damned book – the one which could have costed me my foot -, holding it up toward her.

"Elliot and I are thinking about redecorating our apartment. I thought a little bit of zen couldn't hurt us." I shrugged with an awkward smile. She didn't look like she believed one word, but god bless her soul she didn't question me any longer. Maybe she mistook it for a joke.

"Besides I need some books to prepare my next lesson in Trig." I was thankful for my professor to give me an excuse to be here. It sounded more plausible than the whole freaking interior design disaster.

"Oh right, Mia told me. You're the new assistant of Prof. Banner, right? Congratulations."

"Thank you." I said, giving her my reserved dazzling smile. I wanted to see if it dazzled her, too.

"Well, if you want to I can check up for you if we have the copies you need." She offered with a nonchalant gesture, only her blush giving her away. I wondered if she was as nervous as me, I wondered if she thought about kissing me. I hoped so.

We hadn't talked about the events of that night – _that one night, peeps_ -, having agreed to behave like nothing had happened. In between our kisses, she had whispered to me that Mia would kill me for kissing her best friend, giggling at my chin. I had just flipped her on her back and told her that we were two, grown up adults and we certainly didn't need to tell Mia anything if we didn't want to. Like the cocky son of a bitch I was, I had thought that it would be just one kiss, a boring one probably since she was a virgin, I would be over it as soon as it started and nobody had to find out, not because I was embarrassed, but because I just saw no reason to talk about a kiss. There was nothing special about a kiss, I had thought.

I had never been wronger in my life.

While she had fled to her room with her lips swollen from the hours of kissing, her cheeks redder than ever and her a chaotic, brown cloud on her head when the sun came up, I had sat in my seat on the now holy couch with a brain made out of jelly and unusually fast beating heart.

 _What the hell has just happened_ , I had thought, mumbling _fuck, fuck, fuck_ underneath my breath, my head going back and forth between the door she had closed behind herself and the TV. My lips had burned just like my whole skin, invisible claws gently drawing circles on every inch of my body as I realized that shy Anastasia Steele had turned my world upside down with her first kiss. I had tried not to imagine what her second, third, fourth and n-th kisses would do to me, but the temptation had been too big and one thought lead to another before I finally decided to visit her at her workplace. Elliott had been easy to interrogate while he did squads in our living room, his mind too busy with his activity to be suspicious about my sudden interest in Anastasia's work.

"That would be great." I said, concentrating on the now instead of remembering the night that changed my life.

I followed her like a puppy to her desk, watching the sway of her hips with greedy eyes. She sat down on her chair, clicking on her mouse to end the sideshow of pictures on her laptop. Her hands reached for her specs on her head, putting them on while I leaned against her table with the side of my hip. Quickly I gave her the names of the books I needed. She frowned at her laptop when she got the results of her search engine back, a system made for the libraries stock, her lips pursed.

What would she do if I leaned down, grabbed her head between my hands and pressed my lips against hers? Would she freak out, send me away and tell Mia that I sexually harassed her at work? Or would she let me pull her behind one of these shelves, pressing her against it, kissing her while my hands wandered above her curves?

I really needed to find out what she thought about that whole kissing business.

"Seems like I have two of them here for you, but the other three I would have to order from another store. They would be here in two days, though." Her blue eyes looked at me questioningly, interrupting my internal monologue.

"Of course. I can wait two days." I nodded, barely able to look away from her lips.

"If you want to I can give you the other two now. You don't have to wait for them." She offered with a smile. Her smile was cute, I noticed. She had a few light freckles on her nose, the skin around wrinkled when she smiled and her eyes seemed to be even brighter. Anastasia Steele was one of these people who smiled with their whole face, her smile not just a pair of curled lips. She was real and unique in her own imperfect way.

"I will get them with the others, it's no problem. Thanks for your help."

"Nonsense. It's my job."

"Since when are you working here?" I asked her curiously, already planning to become a regular. She blushed again, her eyes quickly darting to her colleague who was still focusing on her boring documentary, her fingers fumbling with her specs.

"The beginning of this semester. Ethan helped me find it, actually."

It was palpable how awkward we were, two strangers who had shared a kiss – a hot kiss – but who knew nothing else about each other. While I was trying to get another chance of feeling her lips against mine, she was probably wondering what was the proper etiquette.

"And you like it?" Great. Small talk. I was very original.

She just nodded with widened eyes, biting her lips.

I sighed, already knowing that I had lost a battle today.

"Well, thanks again for the help. Until next time." I said as a good bye, smiling at her the killer smile I was famous for.

Next time.

Next time I was going to kiss her again.

* * *

"Her name is Gia Matteo. She studies Communication Studies, born and raised in L.A.. On her Instagram account she complained about Seattle's rain." Elliott whispered to me as he kept on watching the mentioned girl. She was waiting in a line of other students at the snack bar, her tanned skin setting her apart from us pale faced people. I quickly checked her, my eyes darting to her from my own plate of food. Like I had suspected she was a gorgeous blonde with long legs and full lips, basically everything I had so much adored on a woman. She didn't capture my attention, though.

"What does Kate say about you stalking her on Instagram?" I asked my best friend before taking a bite of my sandwich.

"I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for you as your wingman." He defended himself pathetically. It was no secret to me that he kept ogling girls online, but I didn't think that Kate would let his balls in tact if she ever found out.

"As much as I appreciate it, Elliott, I have no interest in Gia Matteo." Or anyone else than Anastasia Steele.

"Why? She is hot as hell." He said with a frown, taking his protein shake out of his backpack. He was drinking these things like water.

"I never said she wasn't." I said with a shrug, feeling his stare on my face.

"What's wrong with you? She is a blonde, she is your type!"

"I just don't want to deal with naive blondes for a while, okay? Elena has been more than tiring." I rolled my eyes at the mention of my now ex girlfriend.

"She still bothering you?" Elliott asked, taking a huge gulp of his drink. I saw how his eyes wandered to the watch on his wrist, probably checking how much time he had left before his daily gym visit. He was already dressed in his trunks and sneakers, ready to take off.

I hold up my phone toward him as an answer, showing him one of Elena's latest text messages. She hadn't understood that 'we are done' meant that we are done, so I had called her to make her understand that _I was done with her_ even if she might not be _done with me_. But she still insisted on texting me daily about stupid stuff, inviting me to events or telling me that she missed me.

 **Sweetie, I am out tonight.**

 **But I left a key for you underneath the flowerpot.**

 **Wait for me ;)**

 **xoxo Elena**

"Didn't you tell her that you are breaking up with her?" Elliott said with raised eyebrows. I sighed tiredly.

"I have. More than once."

"Well, either she really doesn't want to lose you or she is really dumb."

"I don't know which would be worse."

"But isn't that one more reason to go out with Gia? Maybe then Elena will finally understand that you aren't available anymore." He suggested, trying to steal some of my fries. I grimaced in disgust when he dunked a ketchup soaked fry into the mayonnaise.

"I think she wouldn't understand it even if I made an official announcement on national TV."

"It's your own fault, dude. You are the one dating stupid girls. Look how happy I am with Kate. She is a blonde but she clearly ain't stupid." He said with a smug grin, sounding proud and cocky. I gave him a long, mean look – a family treat in my mother's side of family.

"Don't look at me like that. You know it's true."

My sexual fetish – cause that's what it was – for naive and stupid blondes had its disadvantages, I was aware of that. Usually the girls I dated were not easy to get rid of, like Elena most of them didn't get clues and I had to deliberately tell them in slowly spoken sentences that I was breaking up with them (more than once), and each time I always regretted it to have started dating them. But the problem was that my cock really digged them, he liked the way their hair shined or the way they fulfilled every one of my wishes naively. Since Anastasia's kiss though, I wasn't looking at blondes like I used to. Their hair wasn't interesting anymore and I found them annoyingly dumb. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't saying that every blonde was dumb or that they weren't as human as any other person alive, but I just used to like those who where crass.

I had difficulties with people's opinion about me and my sexual fetish. People loved to judge and I was giving them something easy to judge. I couldn't understand why they had no problems with people who loved to whip each other, but as soon as someone said they liked their partners like a cliché – blonde and dumb – they were entitled as misogynistic assholes.

I was kinda happy to be free from my type of blondes for now. The absence of someone childish and naive was more relaxing than I had thought it would be.

"Maybe I should search for blonde geniuses." I sighed again, putting my half eaten sandwich on my plate, my appetite lost.

"At this point you should be thankful if they are just clever enough to know the difference between football and soccer." Of course he was using a sports metaphor.

"Screw you."

He just laughed, knowing well that he was right. Another fry had to suffer his torture of mixing ketchup and mayonnaise. He licked his fingers before he answered me.

"Maybe one of the girls can hook you up. I'm sure they know a good looking blonde with a higher IQ than toasted bread."

This time I flipped him off.

"Yeah, I can't imagine Mia or Kate hooking me up with one of their friends." I said dryly, playing with a napkin in front of me.

My sister wasn't really fancying the thought of me going out with someone she knew. I had dared to flirt with her former friend once and it had ended with Mia being super pissed since she didn't want me to use her friend like I used the other woman in my love life. Kate was no different. She always blamed me for giving those poor girls false hope and crushing their heart. I guessed she was kinda right.

"Maybe Ana can. There are cute girls in 'British Literature'."

My head snapped up to him as soon as he mentioned the girl with the magical lips – I was giving her nicknames now. Great. -, my heart skipping a beat and my mind full of hot memories. Lips touching lips, moans after moans, and hands aching for skin to touch. I had no idea how I had managed to keep my hands above her clothes that night. Maybe my mum really had raised a gentleman. Or maybe Anastasia was the one making a gentleman out of me.

"Or maybe I should just stay single for a while."

Until I figured out what the hell I wanted from Anastasia Steele.

* * *

"I don't know why you guys are insisting on coming along. You could go to the bar and order our first round." I said for the millionth time with an annoyed voice. Ethan and Elliott, who were walking beside me, had insisted to get some drinks tonight at our local bar. I had gladly agreed, since I had a long ass day at school and the thought of alcohol was welcoming, thinking that I would meet them there after my visit at the library Anastasia worked at, but my friends were insisting on accompanying me for whatever reason.

To say that they were ruining my plans to woo Anastasia Steele was an understatement. I couldn't openly flirt with her with them standing at my side since they didn't know that she was the only woman I was thinking about. I had no idea if she wanted other people to find out, maybe she was taking our deal seriously and was already over our kiss. Panic spread in me at the thought of being forgotten so easily. The kiss had been good, more than good, it had been life changingly good. She couldn't be over a kiss like that, right?

"What's up with you, C? You are being crabby." Elliott said with an eye roll.

"I just don't want to wait for my drink when we finally arrive." It sounded like a plausible excuse. No need to tell them that I had unfinished business with a certain brunette librarian.

"It never takes that long. Stop exaggerating." Ethan said, walking beside me with his hands in his pockets.

I let out a deep breath, counting internally to ten, hoping it would calm me down and relax my nerves since I was getting more nervous with each step we took toward the library. Anastasia had send me a message via Mia to tell me that my books had arrived, making me wonder why we never had exchanged phone numbers. Telecommunication was a must have if I wanted to woo this girl. I planned to get her number as soon as possible and if these dammit idiots wouldn't have been here with me today, I would have asked her for her number. With them breathing at my neck, I would have to be more subtle and undercover.

Elliott opened the door to the library for us when we finally arrived. Anastasia's colleague was sitting once again at her laptop, but this time she was fiercely typing something with a dirty grin on her face, mischief visible in her eyes. I bet she was one of these crazy ladies who wrote smut online (not judging).

"Yo, Ana." He sang loudly, earning an angry 'shh' from the smut writing lady. "Oh, excuse me, ma'am."

I smiled apologetically at her. She didn't even bother saying something. What a bitch. I was sure that she was one of these people who left bitchy reviews on other people's stories online, only complaining and never understanding how hard it was to keep a private life and a hobby (yes judging).

Suddenly Anastasia's head – or Ana's, however you want to call her – appeared behind the wooden counter of her desk, her hair put into a messy bun and her cheeks red from exhaustion.

"Oh. Hey, you guys." She greeted us with a smile before leaning down again to pick up a few books. She opened the first one and scanned its code with a bar code scanner, registering it on the laptop in front of her.

"Here to pick up your books?" She asked, looking into my eyes. My eyes darted to her lips quickly before looking into hers as well. The blue of her eyes was clouding my mind already like the red of her cheeks and the pink of her lips.

"If it's no problem." I said, smiling back at her. Why was my heart skipping beats suddenly?

"Not at all, but let me just scan these, okay?" Anastasia said, nodding toward the stack of books on her table.

"Yeah, I will wait." I said, looking over my shoulder to see what my friends were doing, only to find them absent. I spotted them at the far left of the open space in the building where they were looking at a small section of books. I hadn't noticed them leaving my side.

"Oh dear god." Anastasia mumbled with one hand at her hips, the other holding the scanner. She was looking at Elliott and Ethan.

"Are they mature enough to be left alone in the Erotica section?" She asked me, Elliott's loud giggle an answer to her question.

"Obviously not." I grinned at her.

"I just hope Kate doesn't kill him when she finds out he has been looking at porn in public." The scanner beeped every time she registered another book. I watched her hands flip open book after book, only now noticing that she had small, clean hands. They still looked feminine though.

"How dirty can books be?" I asked out loud. She pointed toward them with a raised scanner and an arched eyebrow.

"Trust me, those suckers can make you blush harder than anything."

"You already blush often." I blurted out. Her blush followed immediately. She touched her cheeks with her hands as she smiled embarrassed, her fingers touching the bottom of her specs.

"I mean, you blush often in a good way. It's good. It looks good." I rambled on, more nervous than before, more swirls in my gut than before. Fuck.

"That's good, I guess." She bit her lip as she shrugged her shoulders before returning to her task. I noticed that her cheeks got redder. Was I making her nervous, too? Was I the reason for her blushes? A guy could hope and a guy could dream, and if he was really lucky his dreams might become true. What did I want from this girl, though? Did I want her for her lips and her body? Hell yes. But what after that? What would follow after another kiss (a million kisses)?

We hadn't talked about that. We had agreed that there wouldn't be anything after that one kiss, but here I was thinking about millions of other kisses. Maybe we should talk first before we kissed.

Maybe I should use this opportunity to talk to her.

I took a deep breath, watched her staring at her laptop's screen with focused eyes and furrowed brows. Now or never, Grey.

"Listen, Ana, I was thinking..."

"Hey, Christian. You gotta check out this softcore porn book. Women really dig this shit." Elliott's voice was loud, loud enough to sabotage me and embarrass me at the same time. It was my time to blush in front of the girl I was trying to woo. We looked at each other in shock for a second, me blushing, before we both couldn't take it anymore. Her laughter was a soft melody, alluring me and pulling me deeper into the dark forest in my head. I was getting lost and the only way out was to let the brightness of her eyes help me out.

"Thank god, we don't have much business going on today. Finally done." She said, sounding relaxed as she typed the last things on her laptop. "Now, your books."

Anastasia leaned down again, making me groan internally since her ass was so close but so far, still looking hot though in her jeans. She reached for a full bag underneath her desk, huffing lightly as she hefted it onto the desk.

"All five of them."

"Thanks a lot." I said as I took out my wallet out of my pocket. "What do I owe you?"

"Here is the bill." She reached down to a stack of bills to hand me mine. I quickly paid it, thanking her once again for her help.

"How are the lessons for Professor Banner's class?" She asked me as I grabbed the bag full of books.

"Well, the first few ones were nice, which was surprising since I had no experience. I hope it stays that way."

"I'm sure you are a good teacher." She blurted out with an encouraging smile, her eyes widening as soon as she finished her sentence.

Like a wrecking ball the double innuendo of her words hit us out of nowhere, both of our blushes deep and crimson red. My classes in Trig had certainly nothing to do with the private lesson I gave her.

"Uh, I mean in Trig." She mumbled roughly, her eyes widening again. "I mean not only in Trig because you are good at other things, too."

My grin was smug while my guts danced a wild round of Salsa.

"You aren't bad yourself with _other things_." I whispered to her, stressing the last two words as I leaned slowly toward her. Her breath quickened while she gulped hardly. While I thought hat I had made her completely speechless, she went for the overkill.

"I had a very good teacher after all."

My throat became dry as my heart fluttered rapidly against my chest and my dick was ready to go. This was flirting, unexpected but welcomed, this was what I had come here for. I was thankful for every smut writer out there who had blessed me with the opportunity to flirt with Anastasia Steele since Elliott and Ethan were occupied.

"If you want to, I can teach you some more." I whispered, tilting my head to one side as I regarded her with curled lips.

It was a bold move, a move that could probably scare her off, but I wasn't the man of logical thoughts anymore. I was an addict and she was my fix. Strangely I had thought the same thing about Elena once, but the things I felt for Ana and her lips were stronger than anything I had felt for anyone before.

She bit her lip, her hands playing with a pen on the desk, while taking a deep breath. The anticipation was crawling over my skin, leaving electric trembles on my muscles, my heart was beating strongly in my chest. Under her thick, long lashes she threw me a long look before she answered me.

"I would - "

"Either we go now or Ethan and I leave you here." Elliott, that son of a bitch, interrupted her in the middle of her sentence. "You have been nagging about drinks all day and now you take your time."

Oh.

For.

The.

Love.

Of.

God.

Elliott Grimes was a dead man as soon as we left this building. I hoped Ethan would help me hide his body and be a good, silent ally because if Kate found out that I had killed her man, she was going to feed me to the dogs. Maybe if I told her that he had been stalking Gia Matteo on Instagram she might forgive me that I killed him. Hell, she would even piss on his grave à la _Karen Jackson_ from _Shameless_.

I smiled apologetically at Ana, grabbing my bag tightly.

"Seems like I have to go. See you _soon._ " It sounded like a question, it was intended obviously. She was smart enough to get the clue, her big blue eyes starring into my gray ones while she nodded.

"Sure."

Soon couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

"Sorry. I'm late." Ana greeted us as she took off her brown jacket and sat down beside Ethan and opposite of me. "I took a nap and forgot to set my clock."

I watched her tired eyes and her pale face, took the color of her lips in – dark rosy sans lipstick -, noticing that she was barely wearing make-up. Only her lashes were mascaraed in black, long and full. She was all natural, no fancy lipsticks or thick foundations, and to be honest, she didn't really need anything. It was different for me to find a woman attractive without make-up or all the other fancy things. Usually the type of woman I preferred was chic and stylish, I couldn't imagine any of them to leave the house without make-up on her face.

"How was work?" Mia asked her friend with a sympathetic smile, knowing well that Ana was working hardly and long hours. Apparently Miss Steele had two other jobs beside the one in the library: She was babysitting by day from time to time and working as a waitress, too. The poor girl needed the money.

"The Gibson twins were going crazy today because their 'Cars' DVD broke." Ana shook her head with a sigh. "They wouldn't stop crying."

"I'm sure a drink will help you forget about them." Ethan said and asked her what she wanted to drink, being all the perfect southern gentleman when he offered to get it for her from the bar. She thanked him with a heartwarming smile, making me jealous of his idea to get her drink. I should have done that.

Once a month our small group of six people plus the girl I was dating at that moment gathered at Maisie's, a piano bar we all loved because of it's great drinks and the live music. Customers were allowed to play the piano, whatever song they wanted, and sometimes if you were lucky you met splendid local artists. Whenever we were at Maisie's, Mia tried to persuade me to play a song myself because I had been attending piano classes when I was a little boy, but since now I had resisted every single one begging. I wasn't the type to perform live, not because I was feeling shy, but simply because I didn't see myself as a professional. If it hadn't been for my mother, I never would have learned it. My mother had been sending us to different types of classes, from piano to dancing, because she wanted her kids to have as many talents as possible.

Pissed because I hadn't offered to get Ana a drink myself, I took a huge gulp of my beer, squeezing the bottle maybe a little too tightly. We hadn't talked since our flirt at the library, there were still so many open questions and answers to be given, and getting her a drink might have made her answer in my favor since I was trying to leave a good impression. I had to find other ways to impress her then. I would have gladly started talking with her right there and then, but I thought that would leave great suspicions since I had never bothered to talk to her before. I kinda had been an ass toward her for so long. It was a miracle she had actually kissed me that night, maybe the alcohol she had drunk had been an important factor of her decision.

Maybe alcohol was the solution to my problems, I thought, immediately snorting afterward because that would totally be a dick move and I wanted our next kiss to be pure – well as pure as french kissing could be. I wanted her to kiss me without alcohol in her blood.

My snort might had been louder than I expected because suddenly I was looking into the eyes of Anastasia Steele who raised one of her eyebrows at me questioningly. She had been just telling something to Kate and she probably had thought that I had snorted because of whatever she had said. I starred back at her, not knowing what to say or to do with my face. How did one respond to a look like that?

Fortunately, she looked away quickly as if I wasn't there, only her blush giving her away. Her goddammit blush, her fucking blush, her blush that made me dizzy. She did crazy things to my body with just one look, one blush, one smile. I wanted all of her looks, blushes and smiles to be only for me. God. Now I was turning into a possessive ass.

Still it kinda hurt my feelings that she could look away so easily because I wasn't able to look away from her, wanting to kiss her, to hold her, to fuck her maybe – all the things that were very mature and dirty. I shook my head, again drinking my beer. I had to talk to her soon. These unanswered questions left me confused.

Suddenly a peanut hit me on my forehead, its sniper sat two chairs away from me dressed in trunks with his arm over the shoulder of his blonde girlfriend. Elliott grinned smugly as he high-fived his girlfriend.

"Told you I was going to hit him."

"What was that for, asshole?" I growled at him.

"For being all absent. What are you thinking about so concentrated?"

I felt all eyes on me, especially the pretty blue ones of the brunette across from me. I rolled my eyes and told him to fuck off. He was on my shit list since he sabotaged my flirt with Anastasia.

"He is probably checking out that long legged blonde bimbo." Mia mumbled, obviously annoyed at that thought. Since old habits died hard, I looked around immediately, my mind still not understanding that we were done with blondes for now. I found her in the other side of the room sitting at a table with a few friends and like Mia had said she was displaying her long legs in her tight shorts. She was pretty, but she wasn't Anastasia Steele, so I looked away. My eyes crossed with said brunette, her expression surprising me again. Her eyes were tightly squeezed, her jaw clenched, her nostrils widen a bit. She looked pissed. With an eye roll she looked away from me. Oh no. She thought I had been checking that bimbo out, unaware that I had no interest in blondes since she kissed me.

Oh for fuck's sake.

I could understand her. I had been kissing her at a party, then I had flirted with her at the library and now I was checking out – well, she thought I was doing so – other women in front of her. I was probably giving her mixed signals. Great.

But all my feelings were mixed themselves so how should I give her clear signals?

Ethan returned with her drink – a fruity cocktail I would never drink myself – and the conversation changed into something better than my former interest for leggy blondes. Watching paint dry would have been far more interesting to me than the talk about my blondes fetish. I took a huge sip of my beer, and the one after that, and the one after that, trying to forget everything I knew about blonde women, making room for new memories with Anastasia Steele.

New memories followed shortly on the small dance floor when I danced with my sister and her. Mia had nagged that I never danced with her, I only danced with my bimbos, we used to dance all the time at parties when we were younger, so I had quickly done my duties as a big brother and had asked her for a dance. While a young artist had played a fast song on the piano, I had swirled her around on the dance floor, her laughter loud and happy. She quickly had asked the others to join us soon, all of them declined, but she had just reached for Ana's hand, telling her too that she never danced with her. Now I was swirling both of them around, holding each of them with one hand, while only thinking about turning my dance with Ana into a hot kiss. I could just pull her to me, grasping her hips with one arm while the other hand holds her head, dipping her backward and kissing the hell out of her in a cheesy, cliché pose.

But that was only possible in my head.

In reality I was only holding her hand.

"Thanks for the wonderful dance." I said to them when the next song finished and they announced they wanted to sit down. I kissed the hand I was holding of both of them, making them giggle with reddened cheeks. I may or may have not pressed my lips a little bit longer on the back Ana's hand since I was a greedy bastard.

When we returned to our table, I even got the opportunity to get her a drink since she finished hers quickly, being all thirsty after our dance. She ordered another fruity cocktail. When I returned from the bar with her drink and my new beer, I found her absent. The others quickly told me that she went outside to catch some breath. I nearly cried out of joy, thankful for the given opportunity. There was a god and he seemed to like me tonight.

"It's a little cold outside. I will just bring her her jacket." I said nonchalantly, as if it was totally normal for me to care about her. Lucky for me the others were too caught up with whatever Elliott was telling them about – a story about the woman who used the equipment at the gym wrongly – to notice what I was doing. I took her jacket from the back of her chair, the sweet scent of her filling my nostrils when I had the fabric in my hands.

I found her outside leaning against the stony wall of the building with her hands in her pockets.

"You forgot your jacket." I said when I walked up to her, scaring her with my sudden appearance.

"Oh. Thanks." She smiled at me and put on the brown fabric. "It was getting cold."

"Yeah, it's unnaturally freezing for May."

Was I really making small talk about the weather?

"Right." She gulped and crossed her arms at her chest – needless to say that I had been checking out her boobs all evening long like the creepy fool I was -, taking a deep breath. I leaned against the wall beside her, putting my hands in my pockets in an awkward gesture.

"Are the books any help for your class?" She asked me softly into the silence of the night. Only a few cars were passing by, no people were on the streets anymore.

"Yes, definitely."

"My friend, Shireen, said that you are a good teacher."

Here we go again with the double innuendos. Was she trying to kill me? Or did she deliberately chose her words, knowing well what happened last time we talked about my abilities as a teacher? I tried to find a sign of boldness, of confidence or anything that could tell me that she in fact flirting with me on her face, but the only thing I saw was her blush and that could be caused by the cold weather. She had flirted back when I had flirted with her at the library, maybe she would now flirt back, too. And this time we had no interrupters near us, no Elliott who had a death wish.

Being slightly drunk and being immensely horny made me more bold.

"I think you know best how good of a teacher I am, Ana." I whispered and turned my body fully toward her with my shoulder still leaning against the wall. I looked down at her shocked face with widened eyes and reddened cheeks, saw her gulp hardly and bite her lips before a goofy grin curled her lips.

"So tell me, am I a good student, too?" She breathed, turning toward me now, a bold look on her face.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

She was going to be the death of me.

I couldn't believe she just said that. She must have been drunker than I imagined or maybe she just had a secret bold beast in her chest which was now baring its claws. The thought of her being more than the shy wallflower she seemed to be was exciting. It certainly made me horny.

"I think you need a new lesson. Maybe even an exam." I said and licked my lips, my eyes focusing on her lips as my head leaned down toward her.

"I don't think I am ready for an exam. I think I need a few more private lessons."

My heart beat hardly against my chest, ready to break free. I got goosebumps all over my body, from my little toe to the short curls on my neck, as the hot burning feeling in my stomach widened.

I hoped I was causing the same kind of feelings in her.

"I am sure we can arrange that." I mumbled softly, feeling her breath on my face as I got closer. Her lips were so close, I could practically feel and taste them, when she put her hands on my chest suddenly, pushing me away. I looked at her perplexed.

"No, no, no, Mr. Grey. Not now."

"Why?" I asked with a confused voice. Why not now? I was all 'now or never'.

"We wouldn't want to get caught. Mia would kill us." She explained, stepping back from me.

"We are adults. We can do whatever we want."

"Yes, but not until we know what we want to do."

"I can tell you very explicitly what I want to do, Ana."

She gasped and punched my chest softly.

"That was rude. I didn't mean what we would do specifically. I meant what would it mean? What do you want from me, Christian?"

I sighed loudly, closing my eyes when she asked that one question I had no answers for. I had no idea what I wanted from her, I only knew that I wanted to kiss her again but I had no clue what would happen after that.

"Ana, I -" I what? I couldn't just tell her that I wanted to do dirty things with you, that would sound like I only wanted her body. But I also couldn't tell her that I wanted a serious relationship with her because that wouldn't be the complete truth.

"I need answers, Christian. Until then I am not going to kiss you."

* * *

 **I love that you love my story. You all are bae.**

 **What was your first kiss like? Tell me I am curious and bored.**

 **Until next time,**

 **Melii xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the love :-***

 **Hopefully you will still love me after this.**

* * *

 **The Act of Seduction**

 **Description:** Christian Grey liked his women tall, blonde and preferably naive. But the first kiss of a certain brunette might change his preferences. Sometimes a kiss means more than a thousand words. AxC – HEA!

 **Disclaimer:** **Not my characters, no money earned. I do it to torture you :)**

 **3\. Icarus and the sun**

 _CPOV_

With a tired sigh I picked up my phone, finding it in my backpack between chewing gum packages and a dirty napkin on which the number of the barrister girl from the coffee shop down the road of my apartment was written down. She had managed to scribble it down without me noticing as she packed my coffee to go and my daily bagel. I had no interest in calling her or anyone beside a certain brunette, to be honest. But that wasn't something I wanted to dwell on at the moment.

"I'm on my way, mum." I answered my mother without an actual 'hello'. She had called me two days ago, asking me for a 'mother and son' type of day since we didn't get to talk as often as we did before I moved out. My parents were living in Bellevue, a small town outside of Seattle, having moved there when mum stopped working as a pediatrician years ago. My father worked as an attorney from his home office where he welcomed his clients with mum's lemon cakes and his cappuccino from a high-tech, expensive coffee machine on his table.

"I wouldn't have to call you if you weren't late, son." She said with her typical mum voice – a little judging but still understanding -, the curl of her lips audible.

"I'm not that late. Just tiny, little twenty-one minutes." It wasn't entirely my fault. If Elliott hadn't forgot his keys when he went for his evening run, I wouldn't have to wait for him at home so I could open the door for that fucker, and if I hadn't stayed at home to wait for him, I wouldn't have slipped on the wet floor of our bathroom and hurt my leg so badly that I wasn't able to move for a couple of minutes.

"Well, son, that's still longer than it's appropriate. I remember raising you into a gentleman."

And she did. Otherwise I would have dared to kiss Anastasia Steele again even though I had no answers to her and my questions.

"I'm only one block away. See you later." We quickly hung up while I sprinted down the street, passing by German tourist who had maps in their hands, searching desperately for the Space Needle. I finally arrived at the fast food restaurant – our guilty pleasure – me and my mum had planned to meet, finding her at a corner table in the far right of the building. She was sitting on the red plastic chair with a laminated menu in her hands, looking out of place with her Dior dress and her perfect hairdo. But as snobby as Grace Trevelyan-Grey looked from the outside, she was the purest and most natural person on earth on the inside – or at least the only one I had met so far.

"Finally." She let out as she stood up to greet me, hugging me tightly, her perfume tickling my nostrils. She had been using the same perfume since I could remember. It certainly smelled better than the greasy air inside the room.

"I'm sorry, mum. Trust me, I would rather have been on time." I said, rubbing the aching spot on my leg. She immediately noticed it and raised her eyebrows.

"What happened?" She asked, but I just shook my head, telling her it wasn't important.

"Have you ordered already?" I asked as we sat down, taking the second laminated menu from the table. I was already aware of what I was going to order, I always ordered the same thing every time I was here, but I still looked at the menu like if it was a nasty habit.

"No, I have waited for you to finally bless me with your presence, dear."

"Thank Elliott for me being late. If he hadn't forgot his keys, I would have been here earlier." Sometimes I thought about gluing his keys on his arm so he would never forget them again.

"How is that boy doing? Is he treating Kate all right?" My mum asked with a concerned voice, thinking very highly of Kate, unlike me.

"They seem to be happy." Happily fucking like rabbits every night, making me an unfortunate guest of their nightly activities since I shared a wall with them. Thank fucking god for earplugs.

"I saw his latest picture on Facebook. He is training for another marathon again?" Her brow was raised as she inspected the menu. Unlike me she tried to eat something different each time we ate here.

"A triathlon. I guess he likes to torture himself." I wasn't the sports guy, I didn't go jogging regularly or to the gym. I just tried to eat healthy – okay, if you didn't count all the fast food and snacks I secretly ate like a pig – and take the stairs as often as I could.

"Or maybe he likes to push his own limits. When was the last time you did that, son?" And like the perceptive, vigilant person that she was, she hit the nail right on the head.

The last time I pushed my own limits, I pressed my lips onto the ones of Anastasia Steele. I had never kissed a brunette before, never had felt any appeal at the thought of kissing the lips of someone who had hair as brown as mud, never had bothered to give them a second glance, and only cared for those who had sun kissed hair. But at that one freaking night, that one night which turned my head upside down, that one night when I kissed the lips of the brown haired girl, I had broken my own golden – or blonde – rule:

I had kissed a brunette.

And I had really, _really_ liked it.

The problem was that I couldn't stop thinking about it since then. I couldn't stop thinking about the way her lips had felt, the way she had softly moaned into my mouth whenever I gripped her hips tighter, and what would have happened if my mother had not raised me into a gentleman.

"I might push my limits by ordering a salad instead of french fries today." My decision may or may not have been because of the way I felt out of breath when I practically had run the last miles here. Or maybe it was because that I now pretty much favored pushing the limits but I still would have preferred to keep on pushing them with Anastasia.

"Well, the doctor in me says 'good decision', but the rebel in me wants to tell you to go for it." She laughed softly.

"I will remind the rebel in you when my arteries get clogged just because you tempt me to eat fries." I joked with an eye roll, my finger brushing over the clear surface of my menu.

"You only live once, son." Her eyes widened when she realized what she had said. "I just said 'yolo'. Am I turning into a hipster?"

"Let's hope not. I would have to search for a new mum."

"You wouldn't find one as awesome as me, though." She flipped her hair playfully, making me snicker. This was what I missed a lot, her easy, cheeky attitude around me 24/7. If Elliott hadn't seduced me with the sinful promise of complete freedom in our own apartment, I wouldn't have moved out. Another minus point on that fucker's list.

"What's happening in your life, Christian?" She asked me when we had our food in front of us. I had ordered my usual burger with an unusual salad at the side – well, it was unusual for me.

I contemplated telling her about the rejection I had gotten only a few days ago or about the brown haired girl with the heavenly soft and tasty lips, but the thought of asking my mother for advise was embarrassing. I never had to ask for help when it come to girls before, I was born a womanizer as my dad liked to call me. He swore that I had managed to bewitch every nurse in the hospital when I was born, but I guessed that was a typical reaction to babies.

"Just started some tutoring classes for Prof. Banner's class. It's going well." I answered with a shrug, hoping that the mention of my education would distract her. Her eyes didn't miss my bland expression, though.

"No pretty girls keeping you busy?" She munched on some fries, dunking them in ketchup and mayonnaise. Yuck.

"None that I am aware of." What a shameful liar I had become. Lying to my own mother felt worse than lying to my sister whenever I saw her, pretending as if I hadn't kissed her best friend or flirted with her at a bar. My salad tasted surprisingly good, though, so I had that going for me, which was nice. I was getting used to pushing limits.

"Mia told me about this girl you just broke up with. Are you sad because of it?" Her tone became motherly and caring. I snorted at the thought of being sad or heartbroken because of my break-up with Elena. I felt more relaxed than ever before to be honest.

"God no. It wasn't anything serious."

"When will you start searching for something serious, son?" She sighed with a shake of her head, her hazel eyes a little sad. In her own motherly way, she wanted her kids to settle down as soon as possible since she couldn't wait to have grandchildren. My mother was understanding when it came to my love life, she had no problem with me going out with different blondes, but she also wanted me to find the love of my life like she did with dad many years ago. I guessed like every mother she wanted her kids to be happy.

"Who says I am not searching for it?" I asked more to myself than her with a strange feeling in my guts.

I had found _someone_ who had a great potential to be somethingserious, but the problem was I didn't know if she wanted to be found or if I really was looking for _her_ at all. What was so special about Anastasia that her brown hair didn't prevent me from getting a hard one? What was so special about her that she was clouding my mind 24/7?.

Anastasia Steele had left so many unanswered questions in my head, telling me to find the answers myself before I dared to ask her for help or god forbid kiss her again. I wasn't anywhere close to getting the answers I desperately ached for.

My mother and I ate the rest of our food while making small talk, the heavy topic of my love life off the table for now.

"Why don't you and your friends visit us next weekend? I heard the weather is going to be great. You could make use of our pool while you father and I fire up the grill. He is dying to show off his skills as a barbecue chef." She rolled her eyes at the mention of my dad's all time favorite hobby: barbecues. I looked up at the sky as we left the restaurant, raising my eyes doubtfully at the clouds above. I couldn't imagine next weekend's weather to be pool worthy.

"I will have to check up with the others, but sure."

"'I'm sure it will be a good day for all of us."

* * *

"You asshole!"

The curse out of her mouth came from out of nowhere, so unsuspected, so dirty. My eyebrows reached my forehead as I looked at her in shock. Water was dropping down from her hair toward her chest, her fists clenched at her side, her mouth a thin line and her eyes full of burning anger. The red spandex swimsuit she was wearing was tightly hugging her petite figure, making my head dizzy the way it hugged her boobs.

"I told you not to push me into the water." Anastasia exclaimed loudly, pointing a finger toward a laughing Elliott who swam away from her. He had pushed her into the pool and jumped in himself afterward, having his fun with her anger. She muttered something underneath her breath as she put her hair into a bun with the hair tie she was wearing around her wrist. Still a bit flustered and furious she swam toward the poolside near her to sit down with her legs still in the water, leaning back with her hands on the white tiles around the blue pool. I watched her from my spot on the humongous floating tire with my butt touching the cold surface of water while my feet and hands hung on each side.

Anastasia closed her eyes, her anger forgotten, with a blissful expression on her pretty face. She was wearing a red bathing suit, no bikini like I had hoped but since the moment I saw her take off her clothes to reveal her choice of bathing suit I had no problems with her not wearing a sinful two piece clothing called bikini. Bathing suits were hot, too. At least they looked immensely hot on her.

Like my mother had suggested I had gathered my friends to have a pool / barbecue party at their house with my dad showing off his barbecue skills and my mum declaring proudly that she had predicted that the weather was going to be great. I had been surprised that Anastasia had managed to come along since she was constantly working, but from Mia I had found out that she had took off the weekend from her job at the library. This was the first time I saw her since our bar escapade last week. To say that she had left me breathless the second I saw her was an understatement.

I had picked up Ethan, Mia and Anastasia from the girl's flat, since Elliott and Kate were taking his car. She had to sit beside me in the front because Ethan and Mia were not willing to be separated under no circumstances, even not for a little over an hour on our drive to Bellevue. Anastasia had greeted me with a gentle smile and quick hello before she ignored me for the rest of our drive. Anyone else would be wounded, but I realized that this wasn't something new to us. We hadn't talked much before our kiss, so it was only logical if we continued to behave that way if we didn't want the others to find out any time soon.

I had tried to ignore the new feeling of imaginary claws trying to rip open my chest and crunch my heart when she had ignored me, though.

Out of the corner of my eye I looked at Ethan and Elliott who were playing around with a beach ball in the pool while Mia and Kate lay on their sun loungers with their sun glasses on their face and their iPods plugged in. My horny, desperate mind saw a great opportunity in the obvious activities of my friends, an opportunity to talk to her, to I-don't-know-what her. What would I achieve of talking to her right now, I thought to myself. What good would it do? I hadn't the answers she wanted from me, I had no idea what we would actually talk about since we didn't particularly know each other.

I guessed I just wanted to hear her voice.

Fuck it. With an eager move I jumped from the floating tire I was sitting on and dived in, starting swimming toward her. I could see her legs underneath the water when I opened my eyes, they were my destination. I grabbed the tiles beside them when I suddenly arose from underneath the cold, blue water of the pool right in front of Anastasia. She gasped quietly when I scared her, her blue eyes looking at me in shock.

"Christian." She hissed, leaning forward a little, her arms now at her side. As I tried to get closer to her, she instinctively spread her legs to make room for me between them. I wiped away the water from my face and blinked toward her, still a few drops left in my eyes.

"Hi." I said with a smile, not giving a fuck if somebody saw us. We could make small talk, we were grown adults after all.

"Hi." She said, sounding irritated.

"How are you?" I asked, silently counting the freckles on her cheeks and on her nose. The sun shined toward my face from up the sky, making me squint my eyes.

"I'm fine." She bit her lip, turning her head toward the others with a nervous look on her face. I noticed the copper shades in her hair, sticking out from the otherwise brunette color. Why hadn't I noticed that before, I thought with narrowed eyes. Maybe it was caused by the sun.

"They are otherwise occupied. No worries. Besides we are allowed to talk, aren't we?" I didn't like how scared she looked, thinking that she might be embarrassed of me. Mood killer.

"We never talked before. Wouldn't they wonder why we talk now?" Anastasia fired back with one raised eyebrow, showing me the snarky side I liked so much. Hidden behind the shyness, hidden behind the clumsy accidents lay a bold, little thing. Her flirting had proven that, too.

"Well, Mia and Kate are sunbathing and Ethan and Elliott are playing beach ball. We don't really have anyone else to talk to, do we?" I bit my lip as a confident grin tugged at the corners of my mouth, feeling her stare on my face. I thought I may have blushed a little myself.

She nodded with a thoughtful expression, her hands softly playing with my fingers at her side.

"This might be a little too private pose though." Anastasia said nodding toward the two of us. I followed her nod and looked at her legs, so close in front of me that I could literally lean down and kiss the skin of her thighs, maybe even let my kisses travel closer to her. It was a good thing that the water was so cold. My body felt feverish, from the roof of my head to my little toes, and it had nothing to do with the pleasantly warm weather.

Suddenly she jumped forward, small waves of water hitting me as she landed in front of me, between me and the pool wall. She lost her balance for a second and grabbed my arms tightly, her body pressed softly against mine, her face at my neck. I liked how she felt pressed against me, taking in a deep breath. Her perfume tickled my nostrils, a sweet, nameless smell making my toes curl.

"Talk about a private pose." I snickered, helping her up with an arm around her hips. She looked up at me with blushed cheeks and furious eyes. With an annoyed sigh she tried to push me away with her hands at my chest but I wasn't giving up so easily. I held her even tighter, the others be damned. She surprised me though, showing me a little of the beast inside her by splashing water at my face. I instinctively let go off her and she used that opportunity to swam away from me, her cute little butt peeking out of the surface of the water.

"What I would do to teach you a lesson right now." I said loud enough to her to be the only one hearing me. She stopped immediately, turning her head slowly toward me, her lips puckered.

"You know exactly what you have to do to teach me a lesson."

Just grab her and kiss her?

Of course not.

"Find out what that lesson would mean to you." She gave me a crooked smile.

"Can't we find out together? Learning by doing as they say." I said as I swam toward her, eager to be closer to her. I didn't think I would ever be close enough, though. The intensity of my own thoughts was scaring me, but I had started to accept them.

"I don't know about you but I never take an exam without actually learning and working for it." Anastasia Steele was such a smartass. It was really hard not to like her.

"Is this how we are going to talk? With metaphors?" I laughed as she rolled her eyes.

"Either that or we don't talk at all." She offered with a shrug of her petite shoulders, her lips curling into a confident smile. That wicked little witch. She knew that she had me wrapped around her pinkie and she was making use of that information. But thank god I had a few weapons of my own.

"I'm all for no talking and more kissing." I whispered roughly, licking my lips in the process. Her eyes immediately wandered to my mouth. She let out a gasp with widened eyes, eyes so blue like the water we were swimming in.

"You are really frustrating, you know? And pestering. And annoying. And.." She gulped hardly.

"And what?" I looked at her underneath my lashes, knowing well that I could drive a woman crazy with one look. She deserved it since she had invaded every single one of my dreams and thoughts, though. My heart was always skipping beats when I thought of her.

"And really hard to resist." She breathed, slowly moving away from me. I followed her like a hungry shark. Was I the hunter and she my pray? Or was it the other way around?

"Then don't resist me." She bit her lip again, her oh so tasty and soft lip, looking up to the sky, squinting her eyes at the sun. What was going through her mind, I wondered with a clenched jaw.

"You are like the sun, I guess. I get warmer the closer I get to you, but I fear that I might burn if I am not careful." Anastasia told me softly, her blue eyes widen after her confession.

Like Icarus.

Didn't she understand that I would gladly burn with her?

"I don't understand what you want from me. I am nothing like the blondes you date, I can't compete against Elena Lincoln or her like. What is it that you want from me that you can't get from them?" She asked with a pout. Silly girl.

"Don't you understand that I want you because you are nothing like them? Since that night I haven't thought about anyone else than you and I don't think I ever will." I owned her that confession after what she had told me, even though I hadn't even allowed to speak these words out loud to myself.

"What if you get bored of me as soon as you have got what you wanted?" Her cheeks reddened, this time because of anger though. I liked how easy to read she could be from time to time.

"What exactly do you think I want from you?" I furrowed my brows at her, feeling immensely frustrated because she seemed to think to know things about me I didn't even know myself. "Because I don't even know myself what I want from you."

"Well, sex." She didn't look into my eyes, always shy, always embarrassed.

"If you want that, of course. But what else?"

The thought of having sex with her had crossed my mind more than once in the past weeks, to be honest. I certainly wouldn't say no to sex with her as long as she did say yes.

Fuck.

She was a virgin.

Was I a sick bastard for finding that hot?

"Nothing else. Isn't this about sex only?" Anastasia asked with innocence written on her face, her blush giving her away just like the timid gesture of her hands as she reached up to play with a rebellious hair strand which had found its way out of her messy bun.

That perplexed me.

Had I made her think that I was only after her body? I had no such intentions. I wasn't entirely sure where we would end up together, but I was willing to try.

"No, god no. I have to be honest with you, Ana. I don't know what I want from you exactly. I just know that I want to be with you, any way you accept me." I told her with a trembling voice as I realized that this was the most emotional conversation I ever had with a girl.

My heart beat fast against my chest, my confession honest. My guts swirled as I waited for her reaction, the anticipation killing me.

"Any way I accept you?" She mumbled with her mouth formed to an 'O'. "I -"

"Kids, the food is ready!" Suddenly my dad chimed from near by, interrupting her. He and my mum had been preparing the food on the patio.

Her answer was forgone as we sat down with the others at the table to eat our food, but I promised myself to get it as soon as possible.

Even if it meant that I would be the one flying far too close to the sun.

* * *

"What's it with that face?"

"Hm?"

"You are looking like somebody killed your puppy."

I looked up from my book, closing it since I saw no way of me making any progress today, my mind too full and my stomach too swirly. Brown eyes were looking at me curiously, the dozen dots of freckles on her nose not the usual orange color and more a dark brownish red, the shrill red color of her hair was like a cloud of fire around her round face. Her tongue played with the small piercing on her lip, pushing it back and forth, as she kept watching me.

"Just tired, I guess." I even yawned a little to be as plausible as possible. She rolled her eyes, though, being too clever to fall for my poor, pathetic show.

"I can't believe you are lying to me. Don't you know what I do to liars?" Elizabeth asked with one of her eyebrows raised. She was referring to all of her lying exes and how she managed to get revenge. You wanted a lot of things, but you clearly didn't want to end up as her enemy. I was thankful that I had her as a friend.

"No need to remind me of that, Liz." I cringed at the thought of her recent revenge act: she had send her ex's nudes to every girl on his Facebook account, relatives included, because he had dared to cheat on her.

"Well, then tell me what's making you look like you had a foul egg for breakfast."

I pushed my book away from me with another sigh and grabbed my cup of coffee to take a long sip, a desperate try to escape her questions as long as possible. She angrily took away my drink and slammed it onto the table.

"Christian." Liz hissed with squeezed eyes.

"Okay, okay." I raised my hands with a laugh, wondering why the women in life were such angry beast. Maybe I was the one making them angry.

"It's just about a girl." Not any kind of girl, though.

Liz groaned, giving me another eye roll. "When this is about one of your blonde bimbos, I swear I will punch you."

"No, no. It isn't. Trust me." I groaned, kinda wishing that this was about one of my past girlfriends. That would have made things a lot easier since I had nothing to lose with them.

With Anastasia, I had so much to lose and so much to win.

Liz had no problem with me – as she liked to say – _banging dumb_ _bimbos_ _into more dumbness,_ but she didn't really understand why I couldn't stick my dick into the clever ones, too. She accused me of being a misogynistic bastard who feared that women could be clever or more powerful, not understanding that I had no problem with clever women. I adored them actually. Sexual fetishes were hard to describe to someone who didn't have the same taste as you.

"Who is it then? Who has you looking like a kitten left in the rain?"

I was in doubt for a second. I hadn't even told my own mother about my problems with Anastasia Steele, but now here I was, talking to Elizabeth about her as if she could solve our problems. The answers I needed were deep inside me, Liz couldn't find them for me. But maybe she could help me dig for the right direction.

Anastasia and I hadn't been able to talk since the swimming pool party last weekend at my parent's house, nor had I tried to talk to her since I needed time myself. I had told her I was ready to accept anything she would offer to me, but was I really ready for that?

"It's this girl I have met, well not newly met since I have been knowing her for a year or so, but let's just say that I have met her just now at a party. We kinda made out and now I can't stop thinking about her." It was fascinating how I could put my misery into a few sentences just like that.

"Can't stop thinking about her how? _I can't stop thinking about fucking her seven shades of Sunday_ or more like _I can't stop thinking about her because I want to be mushy romantic with her_?" Liz asked with furrowed brows and crossed arms.

"I have no idea. Both. Maybe." I let out with a frustrated groan.

"So you want to fuck her and make love to her?"

"Can you please stop saying fuck? It makes me uncomfortable." I didn't like anybody else using that kind of language with Anastasia's name in the same sentence. Her eyebrows reached her forehead and she quickly leaned back in her chair.

"Wow." Liz let out, looking at me like I had grown an extra head.

"What?" I said with a panicked voice.

"It seems like you are whipped." The smug grin on her face spoke volumes, she was enjoying my misery.

"Didn't I already tell you that I can't stop thinking about her? That's not the problem, Liz." I sighed, my coffee tasting like crap thanks to my emotional dilemma.

"Then what is it?"

I huffed.

"I told her that I want to make out with her again, but she told me to find out what making out means for me, what she could except from me afterward and I had no clue what to answer her. So I told her that we could find the answer together that I just want to be with her, anyway she lets me."

"What did she say to that?" Liz started taking sips of her mocha latte.

"She didn't say anything, well she couldn't say anything. We were interrupted." I fumed with narrowed eyes.

I didn't know if I should add my own father, who had interrupted us, to the list where Elliott had a proud spot: my shit list.

"Go talk to her then. I can't give you the answers to your questions." Liz said as if it was that easy. Maybe it was, maybe I was just being dramatic. Yeah, that sounded like me.

I gulped hardly.

"Now comes the difficult part. She isn't anything like the girls I have dated in the past." I let out quietly, watching my friend with careful eyes.

"Why? Is her IQ higher than the one of a goldfish?" Liz snorted, obviously enjoying her joke. She had no idea what was coming, though.

I gave her a long look, ready to go for the overkill.

"She is a brunette."

"Holy shit."

Suddenly all eyes in the cafeteria were on us when Liz gasped loudly.

"No way!" She continued even though I shushed her. "No fucking way. No way, dude. No way."

"Yes way, Liz." I guaranteed her with a painful expression. "Yes fucking way."

"But you are Christian Grey! You're the blondes magnet, the blondes hunter. You can't dig a brunette." I tried to ignore her accusing tone which lay underneath her statements.

"That's what I used to think before I met her, too." I tried to ignore the silly feeling of joy in me when I thought about how happy I was that I had met Anastasia Steele.

She looked at me with widened eyes and an open mouth. A goofy grin spread on her face, the skin around her nose where her freckles sat crinkled.

"I so have to meet this girl. Wait. Do I know her already?"

They had actually met before, but I wasn't going to tell her that. I needed to change the topic.

"She fears that I will get bored of her as soon as we have slept together. And the problem is I can't give her the promise that I won't be bored. What if I dig blondes again? What if I break her heart? I wouldn't forgive myself if I did that." More like Mia wouldn't forgive me if I broke her best friend's heart.

Liz sighed loudly with a thoughtful expression before looking into my gray eyes with her own brown ones.

"There is only one way to find out what will happen. You have to give it a try."

"She is hesitant, understandably. I don't have the best reputation after all."

"Do I really have to teach you how to woo a girl? You're reputation might be a curse, but it also means that you have lots of experience." She grinned confidently.

"Use your experience, charm her, show her the Christian Grey all these stupid bimbos swoon about, only if you don't intend to break her heart, though."

I was just hoping that I wouldn't break my own heart in the process.

* * *

It wasn't a very original thing to do.

I was usually more creative and definitely more clever when it came to wooing girls, but since I was a desperate fool, I was ready to make use of every weapon I could find.

Packed with a bagful of Italian takeout food and the knowledge of Mia's absence, I walked up the stairs to the apartment of my sister and her best friend, ringing the door bell when I arrived in front of their door. I casually leaned against the threshold, fully aware of my sex hair – I may or may have not styled it myself and it may or may have not took me nearly half an hour – and my bad boy look, a combination of my black leather jacket and my black boots. I had more than once heard that I really rocked that outfit.

I heard her footsteps as she walked toward the door.

"Christian." She let out when she opened the door for me, finding me with a bag of yummy smelling food leaning against her threshold.

"Hi, Ana." I said nonchalantly.

"Hi." I suppressed the victorious grin which was trying to spread on my face when I caught her looking at me from head to toe, her eyes widening, her cheeks flushed.

"I was in the area and I thought I could buy Mia some food from her favorite takeout place. Is she in her room?" I asked, making small talk as ordinary as possible.

"Oh." Her face fell, but she quickly put on a sad smile. "Unfortunately, Mia is out with Ethan."

"Oh. Crap." Like if I already didn't know that. "Well, I guess I bought too much food then."

I looked down at the bag in my hands with a disappointed frown, a mask obviously. I waited for her to invite me in, to propose to keep me company with my redundant food, but she didn't so I took matters in my own hands like I did every morning in the shower.

"Unless you would like to share with me." I said with a smile, raising the bag toward her a little. "I hate to eat alone."

"Oh." She licked her lips before crossing her arms at her chest, pushing her tits up. It seemed like she wasn't wearing a freaking bra. Holy shit. I didn't think my dick could survive a view like this.

"I ate already, to be honest." She shrugged, unaware of the sudden punch to my guts. She was dismissing me. She didn't want to spend time with me. Oh. Rejection never had hurt this way before.

"But I can still keep you company. I mean, if you want me to." Her offer made my mind more peaceful. The lion in my chest roared victoriously. A confident smile curled my lips as I stepped forward, stepping inside the flat as close as I can get to Anastasia. I heard how she hold her breath when I passed her, my arm brushing hers.

It was the first time I was at their flat after that night of our legendary kiss. Everything looked the same, I didn't know why I expected things to have changed, maybe because I wasn't the same person anymore. I decided to behave like nothing changed, even if the world had changed for me, so I casually walked to the couch – that freaking couch – like I always did whenever I was over.

"I just thought since Mia loves their lasagna so much, I would get some for her." I told her as unpacked the things I had bought. For myself I had gotten a bowl of mushroom ravioli with a small salad and some garlic bread, while I had bought Mia her eggplant lasagna and a small bowl of Tiramisu.

"I guess, she wouldn't mind you having her piece."

 _Hopefully she won't mind you having her brother._

"I'm really not hungry, but thanks. Do you want something to drink? I have some juice and beer, but I don't know if you like the brands." Ana asked sweetly, licking her lips once. I tried not to stare at them or her boobs – her boobs which weren't cupped by a bra. Was she the lace type or cottons? Maybe something frilly with silly ribbons and symbols? Or maybe something sinfully sexy with front clasps and see through fabric?

 _Holy fuck._

The image of Anastasia Steele in lingerie could probably make me climb Mt. Everest.

I gulped hardly, trying to concentrate on her words, my heart beating excitedly while my dick was begging me to have some fun – preferably with the girl in front of me. No chances there, dude.

Before our kiss I probably wouldn't have drunk anything beside Heineken, but since I was a different person now, I thought it couldn't harm me to change my snobby behavior and push some limits.

"I will take the beer. Any brand is fine." I smiled at her, thanking her for her offer. She looked at me with widened eyes, standing at the feet of the couch I was sitting on.

"Why so surprised? Can't I drink beer?" I laughed. She shook her head and practically run to the kitchen to get me my drink, cursing as she hit her toe on the door frame, her awkward and shy behavior making me smile. She was really cute.

"That's all I have." Anastasia said when she returned with some cheap brand, probably something Ethan bought because I had seen the same brand of beer at his place before, holding it toward me as she sat down beside me. I took the bottle out of her hand and thanked her, noticing with a pleased smile that she was joining me with a beer of herself. Alcohol seemed to loose her tongue and I needed her honest and talkative.

"Here." I handed her a knife and a fork. "You can still try some of mine."

"Umm. Thanks." Her blush was as always present. Suddenly she reached down to her sweatpants' pocket to retrieve a bottle opener, handing it over to me.

"Can you open mine, too? I kinda suck at opening these." She nodded toward the bottle in front of her.

"Sure." I quickly opened both of our bottles.

"Cheers." I hold my beer bottle toward her, waiting for her to clink bottles with me, but she gave me a long look instead. She bit her lip, her teeth leaving marks on the soft, pink flash of her bottom lip. I didn't know why she looked so hesitant , maybe she was being tortured with the memories of our last night spend together on this couch just like me.

"Cheers." She finally said, clinking bottles with me before taking a huge sip. I was wondering why she was acting so timid like a fawn. She hadn't been this shy at the bar or at the library.

"You want some of my ravioli?" I asked her as I unpacked the cutlery given by the restaurant. "I don't know if you had some before, but they make the best. I can only recommend you to taste it. Oh, and you can also have Mia's lasagna."

"I'm really not hungry. I can put her food into the fridge, if you want. She will be happy to see it when she returns."

"Where did she and Ethan go? " I asked like if I didn't know the answer already, as I started to eat my meal. From the corner of my eye I saw her pick up the second set of fork and knife to try some of my ravioli, moaning lightly when she tasted it. I gulped hardly as I tried my best to ignore her moan or my physical reaction to it.

"An open air cinema with another couple, kinda like a double date. They plan to go to a dance club afterward." She shrugged, placing her fork onto the coffee table, thanking me for the meal. I urged her on to eat some more but she declined.

"Seems like it will be a long night for them."

"Yeah. Probably."

We were back to our awkward stage, the tension growing thicker as she turned on the TV, mindlessly switching channels. I gave her a few minutes of silence, thinking that she might need it to calm her nerves. She was probably nervous, although I couldn't tell since she wasn't wearing her specs, she used to play with them whenever she was nervous. In fact I hadn't seen her wear them in a while which was a shame since I found them very attractive on her.

Pictures of her wearing nothing but one of my shirts and her specs came to my mind, welcome but still surprising.

Holy damn hell.

All the blood of my upper body rushed downward to my dick, making it impossible for me to think. I hastily took a long sip of my beer, hoping to fill my veins with enough alcohol to replace all the missing blood.

"You aren't wearing your glasses." I blurted out, making her raise one eyebrow. Immediately her fingers rushed to the bridge of her nose where her specs should have been, but when she couldn't find anything to play with, she reached for her braided hair. She had put her hair into two braids at both sides of her head. To say that it looked freaking awesome was an understatement.

"Yeah. I'm wearing my contacts." She blushed, not surprising me.

Back to awkward again.

Another pair of minutes full of silence.

"You like Italian food?" I asked.

"Yes. Definitely."

Silence.

"What's on TV tonight?"

"I have no idea."

Oh for fuck's sake.

Why was she being so timid?

"Do you want to share the Tiramisu with me?" I finally asked when I finished the rest of my food in silence. Her head snapped up, her eyes widen and excited.

"Tiramisu?" She breathed while I thought that I might have found the way into her heart: Italian desserts.

"Yeah. There is some in that box." I nodded toward the small container on the coffee table with a smug grin on my face. She registered it with an eye roll before eagerly reaching for said container. When she opened it, she sighed loud enough for me to hear before she reached for the fork she had used earlier. My eyes widened as she licked it clean, her sweet tongue peaking out, making me envy a fork. I never had thought that I would want to be a fork before, but here I was.

I watched her in awe as she took bite after bite, ignoring me in her blissful peace.

"This is so delicious." Anastasia moaned, her eyes closed with her fork still in her hand, gulping down her bite and licking her lips. I bet she tasted fucking amazing right now, her sweet lips even tastier with the Tiramisu on them.

"Is it?" I mumbled with an open mouth, sounding out of breath. My fork hit the plastic plate I was eating from, making her open her blue eyes to look at me perplexed. She blushed immediately, harder then before, and put her Tiramisu container onto the coffee table.

"I'm sorry. I was greedy." She whispered shyly, her hand swirling one of her braids.

"I like you greedy." I blurted out, thanks to the non existent blood in my brain.

"How can you know how I am when I am greedy?" She asked with an arched brow.

"I think I know best how greedy you can get, Ana." I answered with a snort, memories of our kiss coming to life in my head. She had been feisty and greedy, only letting go off my lips when she needed to take a break, not giving a fuck about her sore lips.

"Look who is calling me greedy." Anastasia crossed her arms at her chest with her lips pressed into a thin line.

"You were the one who kissed me like it was our last night on earth." I might have sounded like an asshole but she was bringing out all kind of emotions in me: lust, anxiety, something nameless which felt like I was punched in the guts daily, and last but not least, smugness.

"But I'm not the one chasing after you. You are the one who is following me like a lost puppy whenever you see me."

She hit the nail right on the head.

Christian - 0. Anastasia - 1.

Oh for the love of God.

Suddenly I lunged forward and pressed my lips onto hers like the greedy bastard I was.

My pride be damned.

I was willing to give it up, I was willing to burn for her even if it meant that I would fly too close to the sun like Icarus.

I was Icarus and I was happy about it.

* * *

 **Are we happy about them kissing, too?**

 **Next update not before I upload one of my other stories. I have people knocking at my door because of them and I have to make sure that they love me again :D (you know yourself)**

 **Melii xoxo**

 **P.S.: Did you catch the meme reference?**


	4. Chapter 4

**7 months. It took me 7 months. I am sorry.**

 **NOT BETAED!**

* * *

 **4\. Failures**

She didn't freak out as I hold her head between my hands, her hot cheeks warming my palms as our lips sucked, licked and fought with each other, our tongues wet and warm as they explored each others touch. Buzzing pulses caused by the intoxicating feeling of her lips, the feminine smell of her skin and the demanding movement of her body went through of every cell of my wanton body, my blood rushing wildly inside my veins as my senses were overwrought with all the sensations she caused, the realization that I was finally getting what I had wanted all along making our kiss even more precious and exciting.

Not only did she kiss me as if her life depended on it, she was also going all in, taking no prisoners, her confidence making me the happiest frustrated person on earth and causing hope inside my fast beating heart. I had been craving another kiss for the past weeks, aching for the familiar feeling of her soft lips against mine, our tongues dancing around each others while we got lost in each others heat. But I hadn't really thought that I would get what my treacherous heart desired since Anastasia had made it pretty clear that our lips weren't going to touch anytime soon, unless I had all the answers she wanted, answers I didn't even have myself. Still said treacherous heart – and even more treacherous dick - had hoped, foolishly so if you asked me, but apparently foolish was the new black and the guy above – _I owe you one, bro_ – had played the cards in my favor.

And now I was kissing her again.

 _You really can't imagine the joy I was feeling. Halle-fucking-lujah._

A loud moan came from the back of my throat as she put her arms around my neck, lunging forward on her knees, making me lean back in my spot. She immediately put her legs on each side of me, hovering over me as we made out, her lips tasting like Tiramisu and mine probably like Ravioli. I didn't care at all and neither did she. My arms circled her waist, my hands pressing her closer to me. The soft flesh of her lips sucked on my upper lip, greedily the way I liked it, my heart only one beat away from breaking free, my dick not as free as I would have preferred it to be.

 _Easy, boy. One step at a time.._

"What are we doing?" She asked between kisses, _countless kisses_ , her lips leaving mine only enough to speak before they were sucking on the sensitive skin of my mouth again.

I tried not to frown at her question. Wasn't it pretty obvious what we were doing? We were finally giving in to the natural ache of attraction, following said nature's path of procreation – although we weren't going to pop out kids any time soon – and letting our bodies take over the control. The lust, the sexual tension and even the awkward shyness between us, all intensified thanks to the first and last kiss we had shared, had lead to this exact moment and I didn't want it any way else. Her question confused me.

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked out of breath when I had enough will power to let go off her lips, thinking that I couldn't just ignore her question the way I wanted to. My hands had found their way between her braided hair, desperate to tug her long, brown mess free, my mind full of the memories of her moans when I had gently – maybe not so gently, but she had liked it – pulled her hair the last time. Her hands were on my shoulder and around my neck, her flushed face looking sassy as she regarded me with an eye roll.

"I know that we were kissing. That's not what I meant, you idiot. I was asking why we were kissing. Didn't we agree to wait?" She asked, sitting down on my lap and inching toward my knees away from my crotch. _Clever girl._

Once again I didn't know what she was talking about, my mind clouded with the image of her swollen lips in front of me. Internally I was cheering and crowning myself as the king of Lucky-Bastard-land where I ruled as a fair but stern ruler with Anastasia as my Queen beside me. How that girl managed to think about anything else than our kiss right now was beyond me.

"I think we kissed because that's what we wanted to do. And I don't remember agreeing to any kind of waiting." I said with a shrug of my shoulders, wanting to go back to kissing instead of this talking business. Sometimes having a dick really stood in the way of rational thinking.

"But we should wait, no matter how much we want this." Anastasia said with a groan crossing her arms underneath her boobs as she nodded down between us. I followed her nod, my eyes only staring at her braless boobs for three seconds before they landed on my jeans clothed, hard dick. Had she just confessed that she wanted my dick? Or was it just a metaphor for whatever we had going on? Whatever it was, I just hoped my dick was a major participant.

"Wait for what exactly?" I frowned, my mind still stuck on the idea of my dick participating in any kind of action with the girl on my lap.

"Wait for..." She began, biting her lip as she couldn't come up with a proper reason herself.

I lunged forward to chastely kiss her lips again and again, freeing her soft skin from the torture of her own teeth, my tongue soon enough asking for entrance as I instinctively tried to pull her closer toward my dick which was aching to be freed from my pants. I was feeling too horny to understand her logic of waiting, something she couldn't even explain herself. Her hips were circling as she humped my dick with her sweatpants clothed core when she withdrew her lips from mine again, making me sigh. I tried not to slouch my shoulders as disappointment spread in me.

"Wait for me to trust you." Anastasia exclaimed with reddened cheeks, panting as she spoke, her chin high as she obviously was feeling proud because she had come up with a plausible reason for her hesitance. Her hips still bucked on mine, the groan in the back of my throat loud as I silently cursed. _For the love of God, woman_.

Eventually I had to give up the fight I never could have won in the first place, her stubbornness beating my horniness, making her yelp in surprise as I suddenly raised her from my lap, gently placing her on the couch beside me. Kissing had to wait, it seemed. We had more important things to talk about, unfortunately.

"You don't trust me?" I asked, feeling weary in my own skin. She had trusted me the night we shared our first kiss, I had asked her deliberately to make sure that she was absolutely certain what she was agreeing to, but that might have been a one night thing, a one night trust.

"No, not exactly." She confessed quietly, her blush spreading from her cheeks to her neck. God bless her soul, she looked embarrassed. As I furrowed my brows in confusion, she went on with a nervous chuckle, enlightening me before I could ask her to.

"I mean, how could I? We don't really know each other, do we? We seem to be in tune kissing wise, at least that's how I feel, but other than that I know nothing about you." Her fingers were tugging at each other as she looked down, her voice barely a whisper at the end of her endless seeming questions.

"We have known each other for a while now, though. We aren't strangers." I objected, although thinking of all the times we had seen each other without really talking, just in the same circle of friends without being friends, acquaintances among people we both called our nearest. I wondered if it was my asshole behavior or her shyness that caused our non existent relationship. Had I treated her like the asshole I could be?

Sadly, I didn't have any memories of talking to her properly before the party at her and my sister's apartment. She was quick enough to point out the exact arguments.

"Yes, we have met before just because we have the same circle of friends and because I am living with your sister, but you can't really think that we know anything about each other. We are just strangers who see each other often, kinda like the dude I meet every day on my way to work, the one with the funny mustache."

Mustache. Did she like mustaches? Maybe I could grow one... . _Focus, Grey._

"Doesn't mean we can't get to know each other now." I tilted my head as I tried to give her my best puppy dog eyes, hoping that my suggestion would destroy any other doubts she had about me, about us. She raised one of her brows as she watched me with a doubtful look, though. Mission not accomplished.

"Really? That's what you want? Get to know me after barely speaking to me? Why? Just because I seem to be surprisingly good at kissing, something you can find in other girls, too, I am sure." Her tone frustrated me, making me ruff my hair as I let out the words which had been rioting in my mind since the day I had first kissed her.

"I told you before that I don't know what I want, I don't know what will happen in the future or even if we have a future together, all I know is that I want to spend time with you. And yes, I think about kissing you, too. How could I not? We are good at kissing, really good, in tune with like you said. No wonder I am curious about all the other things we could be in tune with."

"It seems surreal to me. We were barely talking with each other, and now you are saying that you want to spend time with me. It makes me think that maybe you are just lying to me so you can continue kissing me." Her shoulders dropped as she frowned, her eyes glistening with a hint of sadness.

I couldn't ask her why she expected such a horrible thing from me because it was the same tactic I had used on many women before, something I wish she hadn't witnessed or heard of. Having a clean slate would probably be a great advance right now, but after all the one night stands and short lived relationships which only ended because I lost my interest in my acquaintances rather quick, my slate was probably sporting a vibrant mustard color.

"Anastasia..." I whispered, ashamed of myself and what I had done. I couldn't blame her for doubting my words, I couldn't blame her for not trusting me, she had every right to distance herself from me, even though it would pain me immensely. She was right. It was a very surreal situation.

"That's what I thought." Anastasia suddenly said with a grim expression, standing up from my lap and walking away two steps, before she turned around fiercely.

"Good thing I didn't fall for your games, Grey." She hissed, sounding spiteful, her hands at her hips. The spark in her eyes was back as she looked with heated cheeks and pursed lips, obviously misunderstanding my silence as a confession of the so called games she assumed I was playing with her.

"There are no games. I didn't play any games with you." I stood up myself, panicked because this conversation wasn't going the way I had hoped it would. A heavy knot was sitting on the back of my throat as I tried to find the right words, knowing well that there were none when it came to Anastasia. Unlike my former partners she needed to hear the truth and not the illusions I liked to create to get what I wanted.

"I swear to you that I never planned for this to happen, I didn't plan to kiss you that night on this damned couch." I exclaimed, pointing at the mentioned furniture, suddenly feeling ablaze with adrenaline. She crossed her arms, her nose high in the air as she spoke with an enraged voice.

"Sorry that you had to endure kissing me."

"For fuck's sake." I roared, ruffling my hear as I watched her, feeling irritated by her delusional ideas. _The things that go on inside this girl's head..._

"I didn't say that I regret kissing you. When will you get this through that thick skull of yours? I enjoy kissing you, very much so, but that doesn't mean that's all I care about. I can't promise you a relationship, God knows I am awful at that, I can't promise you a future, but for now, all I think about is you. Isn't that enough?" I asked, it sounded more like a plea, my anger slowly vanishing and leaving room for anxiety as seconds which felt like years passed. She took her sweet little time before she answered, her posture dismissive and guarded with her arms still crossed, her lips pursed.

"This isn't about me wanting a relationship, Christian. I can't possibly expect for you to promise me a future just because of a kiss, I am not that naive. This is about me protecting myself from a potential heartbreak." Anastasia closed her eyes, sighing deeply before she continued now with a calmer voice, her blue eyes soft with sadness.

"What if we do this, start seeing each other, kissing here and there, nothing serious but having fun, and then you suddenly realize that I am boring you to death? What if the next blonde of your life comes by sooner than you hoped and you drop me like a hot potato? I don't think my pride would survive that, neither would you since Mia would kill you."

 _Ouch._

Mia would not only kill me, she would erase any memory of me from our world if I dared to mess with her friend. Oddly enough the thought of having any kind of relationship with Anastasia Steele was more and more looking worth the systematic torture my sister would put me through if she ever found out about my intentions with the girl in front of me.

 _All of this because of one kiss..._

 _One hell of a kiss, though._

"We are grown adults, we don't have to justify ourselves to Mia." I said, a desperate and foolish try to make a dust speck out of a mountain that was my sister's ire. Even if Mia killed me, I would at least get to kiss Anastasia. With one of her eyebrows high on her forehead, Anastasia licked her lips, her eyes mocking me for my naivety.

Fuck. Her tongue. I bet it would feel amazing against my d... _Focus, Grey!_

"Really? You really think Mia will be pleased with that argument? She won't care about that if we fuck up and can't even be in the same room afterward because you feel guilty and I feel ashamed. She will blame you for hurting my pride and she will blame for falling for your games, rightly so."

"I am not playing games with you." I let out through clenched teeth, my body instinctively taking a step toward her when she suddenly motioned for me to stop with two raised hands. I tried not to feel hurt, my impulsive need to touch her in any way prevented by her.

"Maybe that's not your intention, Christian. But when this ends, it will be one of many games you played with women. You will win, whatever it is you want from me, and I will lose my pride. I can't risk that. A kiss isn't worth that."

"That's the problem then, Anastasia. For me a kiss, your kisses, all of them, are worth the trouble they bring along." I whispered, my bones heavy with the feeling of defeat.

Her eyes widened as her infamous blush spread on her cheeks, red as apples and probably as tasty as them, too, her arms slowly dropping to her side, a hard gulp tightening and relaxing the skin around her throat before she shook her head, the insecurity gone.

"Doesn't change anything about what I said." She mumbled with a crooked pout, her tone dark, making me frown. She snorted dryly at my confused expression.

"You didn't even notice, did you?" Anastasia asked with another hard gulp, her arms crossed again.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, watching her give me a cold smirk, one that send shivers down my spine as the muscles in my guts clenched, this time not caused by swirling butterflies.

"You didn't even bother denying that you would get bored with me sooner than later."

Fuck.

"Anastasia…" I whispered, slowly reaching forward again, this time ignoring her dismissive posture. Her shoulders stiffened underneath my hands when I grasped them to pull her into a hug, her arms circling my waist immediately, her tiny frame towered by mine. I pressed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, taking in her sweet smell, liking the way she felt against me.

"It's not like that. I won't get bored of you." I felt her sigh against my chest as her fingers dig into my shirt at my back.

"You will. You said it yourself. For now you want to spend time with me, for now you want to kiss me. For now that's enough, but I have to think about afterward too." Blue eyes were daring me to argue as she looked up at me, my silence answer enough for her before she pushed me away.

"Go, Christian." Her voice was trembling as she blinked twice, her eyes wet with tears.

Having lost the battle, I took my tail between my legs and gave her the space she wanted, my defeat costing me something precious: my last chance with Anastasia Steele.

* * *

"You are so grumpy today." Elliott mumbled with squeezed eyes after he saw me kick and curse the trashcan in our kitchen. It wasn't its fault that I was inadequate to aim and throw my empty container and what was left of tonight's dinner, I knew that, but when the brownish yellow sauce of my _Mie Goreng_ tainted our white tiled floor, I lost my shit.

"In fact you have been grumpy for a few days now." Elliott mumbled again in between chews – he was insisting on chewing each bite at least 40 times because this way he was reducing the calories of his consumed meal, at least that was what he believed - while I ignored him and got started to clean up the mess I created, carefully throwing my garbage away out of fear to cause another suspicious outburst aimed at inanimate, innocent objects.

I tried to ignore him the best I could, the clock ticked, Elliott chew louder than ever it seemed, my jaw clenched as something resembling hot acid ran through my body before it hugged my patience tightly, squeezing and suffocating.

"Kate is grumpy, too, but she is PMSing. Are you getting a visit from Aunt Flow, too?" My roommate asked, snorting at his own joke before he went back to his annoying chewing, making me snap.

"For the love of God, are you a cow? Stop chewing like one."

At least the floor looked cleaner now.

"Woah. You are _so_ grumpy." He noted, taking a sip of his beer. I wished he wasn't stronger than me, otherwise I would have pinned him to the ground by now.

"Well, stop talking to me then." I resisted the urge to stamp with my feet as I made my way out of our kitchen, hearing him mumble something like asshole behind my back.

Thinking that I had offended him enough for him to leave me alone, I occupied our one and only couch and tried to distract my frustrated and yes, grumpy ass with some mind numbing TV. I was furrowing my brows at a sitcom and its idiotic jokes when Elliott joined me, ambitious about his daily tasks of pushing my buttons.

"What's up with you, C-boy? Who is pissing on your parade?" He asked as he sat down on our carpet, leaning against the couch with his back. I rolled my eyes at the new nickname he had given me, remembering the times I had cringed whenever he called me Chris, something I would choose over C-boy any time now.

"No-one is pissing on anything of mine." I grunted, trying to focus on the events happening in whatever shit was airing, failing miserably.

"Let's hope not. Unless you are one of these freaks who like golden showers. Yuck." He playfully shivered, grimacing like the big goofball he was. I tried to suppress the grin spreading on my cheeks, failing miserably again, something I had gotten used to in the last few days, failures in human contact being high on the list of all my failures.

Hmpf. Not a thought I liked to dwell on.

"That's more your thing." I muttered, remembering the gruesome story he had told me about a one night stand who had been fascinated with any fluid leaving the human body.

Elliott blushed, his eyes widening as he recalled that life-changing experience himself.

"For the last time, I didn't pee on her. She asked me to, but I declined. Wisely so."

"Hm. I'm sure that's what happened." I snickered, watching him ablaze with embarrassment.

"That's my limit, you know that. I wouldn't do that, not even for Kate. Speaking of Kate, please don't mention this pee talk to her. You know how she can be."

 _Irrationally jealous? An impulsive sensible plant?_

"I don't know if I can promise you not to talk about pee with your girlfriend." I deadpanned, his brows furrowing as he punched my calf not so gently.

"That's my woman you are talking about, dude. You better show her some respect." Elliott said, raising a finger in warning toward me.

"Imagine Kate's reaction if she ever found out that you called her your _woman_." I rolled my eyes, his girlfriend's nagging audible in the back of my head where I stocked every unpleasant memory. It was no secret that Kate and I were not on liking terms, only agreeing to be civil for Elliott's sake. According to our closest circle she had a kind side which I had yet to meet.

"She would call me a chauvinist, maybe, but she would know I meant no harm." My best friend argued, as always protecting the woman of his dreams, a term he had always liked to use loosely. She was his woman of the presence, I often times reminded him, maybe it wasn't written in the stars that they would get a future together. _When you meet the woman of your dreams, you won't think about now or the past; all you will care about will be how you can make that woman stay with you for all the time you have left on this earth and in this life_ , he had once told me, sharing his wisdom as if he was Gandhi. I would have taken him more seriously if he hadn't been doing a keg stand minutes prior that rare intellectual exchange.

Even though his knowledge was questionable, and probably based on articles he secretly loved to read in whatever issue of _Cosmo_ he could get his hands on, I had decided to mind my own business a long time ago. Elliott seemed happy with Kate, that was what mattered in the end.

"Are you not going for another run?" I changed the subject, noticing that he wasn't dressed in his jogging suit for once.

"Nope. We are going to the fair tonight." He said, brushing over the collar of his gray sweatshirt. I threw a doubtful look out of our living room's window, rain drops softly tapping against the glass while dark clouds were forecasting a storm.

"It's just a summer rain. It will pass." Elliott said optimistically.

"Technically it's a spring rain, it's not summer yet." I corrected him, placing my feet on our coffee table, in my mind planning my night sans company. With Elliott catching himself a cold underneath the storm that was coming at a fair I was certain his so called woman of his dreams was dragging him to, I had the flat for myself tonight, a great opportunity to sulk all night without interruption.

Technically, you are an ass. And a know-it-all." He rolled his eyes, before jumping up to his feet.

"You will be a wet ass if you don't take a jacket with you, though." He added with a smirk, watching my eyebrows reach my forehead as i looked at him as if he was out of his mind.

"When you said _we_ , you meant me, too?" I asked, shaking my head and crossing my arms underneath my chest. "I'm sure as hell not going out in this shitty weather."

"Come on, your grumpy ass needs to get out of the house. You probably need to get laid, too, but that's not a problem I can solve. All I can do is to get you to move and have a drink or two." He said with his hands at his hips, daring me to decline with his eyes.

"Forget it, dude. I'm staying dry and safe at home. Go catch a cold outside." I said firmly, debating my chances of knocking him to the ground if he tried to get handsy. His muscles looked intimidating.

"If you behave, I will even win the big stuffy bear for you, too, C-boy." He winked, laughing at his own joke while I snarled at him, determined to tell him that I wasn't moving my ass anywhere out of this place tonight, no matter how grumpy I was.

"Fuck off, man. And stop calling me C-boy."

* * *

Much to my utter surprise and displeasure, Elliott's prediction had been true, the dark clouds and heavy rain passed by our part of the country real quick, leaving smaller clouds in the evening sky. Being proven wrong was bad enough, but if that person was Elliott it was even worse since I was certain that he would remind me of this occasion whenever he could. Hmpf.

While the sky was dark, no stars or the moon seen thanks to the clouds, my surroundings were loud and colorful with vibrant lights showering us in their different colors as we made our way through the different activities and booths where families were having fun, tipsy people laughing with booming voices at whatever conversation they had going on, and delicious smelling food was bewitching human noses while it was served.

It reminded me of all the fairs I had visited with my parents when I was just a kid, my picky ass even annoying back then when I fussed over which horse I would drive on the carousel or what color of cotton candy I wanted. My parents were saints, having patience with moody me and princess Mia, I had always appreciated that.

 _Oh to be young again… maybe that's how I could clean my slate and make Anastasia Steele trust me._

I had reached a new state of post I-fucked-up-and-now-the-girl-I-want-doesn't-want-me, grumpy replaced by passive aggressive, something she had triggered when she didn't even look into my eyes when Elliot, Kate and I picked my sister and her roommate up, stuffed in Kate's convertible Mercedes with its roof touching the tops of our heads. I couldn't blame her for not trusting me since I wasn't as clean as a whistle when it came to my former relationships, I couldn't blame her for wanting to prevent potential heartbreaks and hurt prides, but I could blame her for behaving like an immature child. What was the purpose of ignoring me? We had history together, kissing history which was the best kind, for fuck's sake, I couldn't stop thinking about her even now, but she seemed to have no problems pretending that I didn't exist while she walked with her arm linked with my sister's, her eyes – the pretty blue ones she hadn't looked at me with – taking in her surroundings with a childish wonder in her expression. She seemed to like fairs, more than she liked me.

 _Maybe because fairs didn't have a past full of blondes and bad break ups._

I snorted at that thought, walking two steps behind the others with my hands in the warm pockets of my pants, my eyes starring daggers at the back of Anastasia's head, low-key hoping that she would magically realize that it Let's-kiss-the-hell-out-of-Christian time. It was a foolish thing to do, but all I got now was hoping since I was nowhere the kind of guy she liked to kiss, apparently.

" _You didn't even bother denying that you would get bored with me sooner than later."_

Not only she was asking me questions I couldn't answer all the time, now she was also making assumptions I couldn't even deny or agree with being the frustrating girl that she was. I had no idea if I would be bored with her, but I couldn't know for certain that I wouldn't be bored eventually, waking up one morning laying next to her in bed – _that sounds promising… Focus, Grey!_ – and suddenly realizing that every minute spend with her was squeezing life out of me, my mind wandering off to the next girl, probably a blonde since that was the type I had favored before I kissed the brunette walking in front of me with her hips swinging in those tight jeans.

All I could promise her was the excitement I felt now, the attraction pulling me to her, the sensual craving influenced by her lips, and _yes, lust,_ that I was feeling, too. Obviously all of this wasn't enough for her to risk hurting her pride or breaking her heart, but for someone saying that she didn't want to have a relationship with me, she was giving the future a lot of thoughts. Funny how she was constantly asking me what I wanted from her while she seemed to be the one unable to answer what she wanted from me.

 _Frustrating woman and her frustrating confusion._

"There is Ethan. Hey, baby!" Mia exclaimed when she spotted her boyfriend in the crowd, having agreed to meet up with him since we all didn't fit in Kate's car. Seeing her boyfriend made Mia grin brightly before she let go off her best friend's arm to jump into his arms. As snobby as Mia thought I was, she was the equal amount dramatic, visible in the way she greeted Ethan as if they hadn't seen each other just this morning before he left for work. I tried not to dwell on the thought that he was having regular sleepovers with my sister.

"What's up with him?" Ethan nudged Elliott's shoulder after greeting our bunch of people warmly, all except me hugging him as a greeting. He was sensitive enough to notice my grumpy, passive aggressive mood. I simply grunted a hello, suddenly feeling the curious look of a certain brunette on me.

A blush spread on her cheeks as I looked up, my heart throbbing in my chest as I felt the heavy chains of embarrassment around my throat. I tried to gulp down the knot in my throat as she shyly smiled at me, nervously fumbling with the hem of her azure blue jacket.

She looked pretty, not in the _fills the room with her presence_ way, but in the _the more you look the more beautiful she gets_ way, small details like the freckles on the tip of her nose or the rosy color of her cheeks were what caught your eye if you knew how to look – something i learned a little late, but now I was fully aware of every little touch, every perfect imperfection hidden underneath blushing skin and fumbling hands.

 _I'm so fucked. This girl doesn't even know the impact she has on me._

Her smile warmed my limbs, shining through the heavy clouds inside my head like the sun, the garden of apple trees she had planted inside me blossoming again, the cliche metaphor getting even more cliche. I didn't care at all, having more important things to bother with, like my heart beat going bonkers or the sudden need to pull her tight against my body, my lips firmly pressed against hers.

 _Is she thinking about kissing me, too? Is she thinking about me at all?_

We were a nervous mess, an exchange of looks and shy smiles missed by our friends since it was over too soon, quick enough to be overlooked, but long enough to make me wonder what was going on inside that blushing head of hers. Should we talk about what happened? Or was everything said and done between us? What about the others? Should they get to hear about our quick affair?

My confusion was mirrored in her face, her bottom lip caught between her pearly white teeth, her eyes wearily looking around before they landed on mine again, this time one of her eyebrows slightly raised as if she was asking me why I was looking at her like a pained puppy. I dig my fingernails into my palms which were hidden from view in my pockets, feeling anxious with her sudden mood change, the nervousness gone and replaced by spark, the kind of spark I would like to see when I took her to bed.

"He just needs to get laid. Ignore him." Elliott joked, making the awkwardness between me and Anastasia even worse. _Thanks for that, buddy._

I simply rolled my eyes, looking away from my laughing group of friends while my mind wandered to the aspect of getting laid, my ears not missing the soft giggle leaving Anastasia's mouth. At least she could still laugh at my expense.

"I'm sure he will find himself a blonde bimbo to play with soon." Mia spat with her ears reddening in her anger, another thing to make me shrink in size. I didn't miss the curious look I received from Anastasia, she waited for a reaction from me, maybe wondering if what Mia had predicted so wisely was my plan, but I had nothing to say. What good would it do to argue with my sister now?

I kept my mouth shut, dutifully following the group as they were oblivious to the internal battle I had going on – _Why did I give up so easily? Why? Why?_ -, my interest only peeked when I heard the clear sound of Anastasia's voice whenever she giggled softly or made a clever comment on whatever conversation they were having. She didn't sound shy as she spoke with our friends, witty and sharp tongued even, something I hadn't noticed on her before, but once again I hadn't noticed a lot of things about her, not even bothering to do so since… well, I had no idea why.

 _Maybe because you don't give a fuck about anyone you can't fuck?_

Harsh.

But sadly true.

I was a grade A prick, apparently, only now noticing it with embarrassment sitting heavy on my guts. It was a miracle that my nearest and dearest were bothering with me and my snobby, judgmental, horny, and grumpy ass. If you didn't count my mother and sister, nearly all of my relationships with females all lead to one thing: sex. That was all what I had cared about until I kissed Anastasia Steele. I would certainly not say no to having sex with her, but for once it wasn't the main purpose of my attraction, even if said attraction had started with something sexual. With her I wanted to spend time, even if we were wearing clothes, with her I wanted to enjoy the presence, the now, just at ease with each other.

But of course, we were as far as it could get from all of that, thanks to me and my inadequate inter human communication skills. I had let her jump from conclusion to conclusion, not giving her a branch to clutch onto, a tiny gleam of hope maybe, just letting her talk herself into the things she was so sure of.

 _You will get bored with me._

 _You will drop me like a hot potato as soon as you find a new blonde._

She certainly had no problem with blaming me for all the things I hadn't even done yet. I didn't even know if I would do all the mistakes she expected me to, how could she be so sure? My reputation was probably not much of a help, I respected her decision to be weary about me, but _hell,_ she shouldn't make me feel awful for the things I hadn't done yet, things I would never do maybe.

Hmpf. Feeling angry at her was easier than longing for her.

I was no fun to be around today, but that didn't stop my friends to have fun without me. They laughed, enjoying their conversation and the fair's attractions, even trying to include me but one look into my face was enough for them to drop it, only Mia making snarky comments here and there, which I ignored professionally, just like I did with Anastasia. My eyes didn't her way for a while, even if I felt her look on me, but my frustration was convincing enough for me to turn my head each time, my anger with her quite a refreshing change.

" _I can't possibly expect for you to promise me a future just because of a kiss, I am not that naive."_

 _What are you expecting then? Why the tohubohu about me and my answers for the future, if you don't even know what you want yourself?_

 _Grrr._

"If you don't want a relationship, what do you want from me?" I spat, fuming with frustration, the second we were alone, a rather fortunate moment when Mia dragged her boyfriend to the restrooms and Elliott and Kate were riding a ghost train – probably to make out in the dark like the horny rabbits they were -, leaving me and the center of my anger alone.

She looked up from her phone, which she had picked up immediately as soon as we were alone, kinda looking like a timid fawn, the spark from a few days ago gone. Her blue eyes squeezed in confusion, she pursed her lips.

"Excuse me?" Anastasia asked politely, her calmness making me huff with annoyance. I was raging and rioting from the inside out, but she didn't even look affected with... whatever we had going on.

"You heard me the first time." I hissed with my fists at my hips, one foot tapping against the dusty ground.

Her eyebrow nearly reached her hairline while she regarded me as if I had grown two more heads, a familiar spark visible in her blue eyes.

"I wasn't listening to you." She smacked her lips, her blue eyes reaching heaven as she rolled them. A loud family of five walked by us, the presence of little kids making it impossible for me to curse out loud.

"Just like you don't listen to yourself when you talk." I let out, internally trying to calm down myself, but the more I looked at her pretty face, the more irritated I became. I wanted to scream, shake her, talk sense into her, I wanted my voice to be heard, and for fuck's sake, I still wanted to kiss her madly. And I blamed her for all of that.

"Hey, what's with the attitude?" She asked, now defensive. "You don't get to act like this just because I didn't want to kiss you."

I snorted, arrogantly so, but _fuck if I cared._ Just like when faced with arousal, the male mind was inadequate to be rational when it got rejected.

"First of all, I'm not acting like a bitch because you didn't kiss me. I am acting like this because you are confusing as hell." I said with one finger raised toward her, watching with a cocky smirk as she licked her lips, her eyes darting toward my mouth for a second before she put back on her cool face. "And second of all, you so do want to kiss me. You just didn't because you were too busy making assumptions and accusing me of things I have no control of yet."

"Excuse me? I am confusing? You are the one giving me mixed signals. And I don't make assumptions or accusations, I simply tell you what I see coming from this." She exhaled a long breath, waving her hand nervously between us when she spoke. I tried not to cheer when she didn't deny that she wanted to kiss me.

"How can you know me better than I do? How can you know what I would do or wouldn't do? As you pointed out the last time, we don't know each other that well."

Her eyes widen, as she cursed silently, stuttering her next words which made me feel more relaxed in my own skin now that I had gotten her.

"I don't need to know your favorite color to know that you will get bored with me as soon as you have what you want or when you see the next best blonde. You told me yourself that you don't know what the future will bring, and more importantly, you didn't particularly care about that."

"You are blaming me for not having an idea about the future. For fuck's sake, I didn't take Divination classes in Hogwarts." I exclaimed frantically, nervously looking around if our friends were returning. It was a miracle that we had gotten a moment alone, no need to ruin it by getting caught fighting.

"What the.." Her neck reddened as she stamped one of her feet, her nostrils quavering, but I interrupted her in my frustration, my voice louder now.

"But at the same time you said you didn't want to have a future with me, a relationship with me, but you can't stop mentioning it. I think I am not the only one who needs to think about what they want."

 _Boom. Shot._

 _Anastasia – 1._

 _Christian – 1. (Finally)_

Her lips trembled as the skin on her cheeks got a nice, rosy color, her eyes squeezed tightly as her hands balled up to fists, deep breaths raising her chest as she looked at me like she wanted to punch me, knock me off my socks brutally, something I probably deserved after being an ass toward her out of all people. It was childish and immensely immature, but I wanted her as angry as me, I wanted her affected by my anger if not by my kisses, feeling connected with her this way.

I was expecting a slap, a curse leaving her sweet lips, her calling me names which I all deserved, I was expecting her anger unleashing on me like a hell fire, burning me to the ground and leaving only ashes of my pathetic body behind, I was expecting her anger, hoping for it even, any reaction was worth the trouble as long as it came from her, no matter how childish that sounded.

I was expecting a lot of things, but what I wasn't expecting were her hands at the collar of my jacket roughly pulling me down toward her, our lips crashing against each other in a hasty, wild kiss with teeth clashing, tongues mercilessly circling each other as always fighting.

 _Fuck me. Fuck my life._

"That's all I want." She mumbled when we let go off each other, my heart raging inside my chest in the aftermath of our kiss, hot lust swirling inside me, my lips craving for hers even more now.

The determination in her voice was firm, not to be misunderstood, I couldn't remember her sounding more confident before. A tingling chill went down my back as I saw her darkened eyes, the adrenaline pulsating in my body as I realized that Anastasia wasn't a skittish kitten like I had expected her to be, she was a wild tiger ready to get what she wanted, something I hoped I caused in my frustration.

 _Maybe I haven't failed yet._

"Then that's all you get." I whispered, kissing her again, silently promising myself not to fuck this up.

* * *

 **Yup. Things will get more heated now. Buckle up ;)**

 **Until next time**

 **Melii xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

**7 months later. Oops.**

 **Have fun with a super duper long chapter.**

 **NOT BETAED OR EDITED!**

* * *

 **5\. Privacy**

"Ah!" She yelped in surprise when I suddenly tugged on her hand, having grasped it when she was passing by to return to the reception desk, her arms now empty after she had put away the books she had been carrying, a _whoosh_ sound leaving her parted lips as I pressed her against the mahogany wood of the shelf behind her. Cheeks blushed with excitement, maybe embarrassment, blue eyes sparkling with mischief as soon as she looked into mine, hands grasping my shirt's collar, fingers teasing the skin on my neck.

"Christian." She whispered, pearly white teeth biting her plump bottom lip, a task I gladly took over, the honey flavor of her Chapstick soon enough bewitching my senses. It was easy to forget time and place while kissing her, my nerves alerted with sensations as our lips gently sucked on each other, tongues soon wet and hasty invading, my hands firmly holding onto the rack beside her head, brown hair tickling my fingers.

"Ana." I whispered back with a teasing grin, the nickname she was insisting on now falling easily from my lips, her eyelids low as she tried to catch a quick breath when I let go off her, lips swollen and begging to be kissed again. I didn't resist the urge, giving another peck, her hands firm against my chest.

"You are distracting me." She said, not sounding as reproachfully as she had tried to, her pupils dilated. "I have another hour left and I need all my senses for that."

"I'm not doing anything." I said, defensively raising both hands with a too innocent to be true smile on my face.

Her blue eyes reached heaven, something I caused a lot.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you to come here early." Ana let out with a head shake, mumbling something about resisting the chocolate sundae with a cherry on top, a metaphor that made me chuckle. I liked being compared to dessert and if I had to countervail, the most fitting name for her would be apple pie made out of apples as red as her cheeks.

"What can I say? I'm hard to resist." I said with a wink, going for another kiss, something she reluctantly accepted, soon melting against me as her mouth devoured mine eagerly. She was such a good kisser, naturally skilled and passionate, the hormones in our bodies buzzing as I pushed against her body, shamelessly searching friction for my dick, her belt hitting the perfect spot which made me hiss. Her breasts felt warm through her shirt, I had peeked whenever I had gotten the chance, her cleavage low enough for me to see the slit between the two flesh globes I had yet to see in person. I wanted to be buried right there, in fact I wanted to bury my head there, even better if I got to bury my d-

"Ah! No. This is enough. I need to get back to work." Anastasia suddenly let out, freeing herself from me as if we hadn't just shared one hell of a kiss. As much as she swore that I was hard to resist, she had an exceptionally good will power, something I still needed to learn sometime.

"I guess I will just pretend to read a book while I can't stop thinking about you until your shift ends." I said with a pout, earning yet another eye roll before I dutifully followed her to the front of the library where she took her place at her desk. I sat down at one of the empty cushioned seats, picking up whatever book someone had left on the table beside me, mindlessly skimming through the pages as I tried to look as relaxed as possible. My insides were another issue, though, my stomach was haunted by burning butterflies which's wings were clapping rashly.

"You two should get a room." Anastasia's otherwise silent co-worker commented dryly, making my girl blush while I could only agree.

In the last two weeks, we hadn't had found the right time and place to be alone, preferably somewhere that wasn't public, having unwittingly obtrusive roomies making privacy a difficult issue, especially since said roomies were our closest friends who didn't know that we had... _well, whatever we had._

I was stuck between calling it a secret affair and a relationship limited to kissing, _a kissingship_ maybe, something we had promised to keep to ourselves since we had issues like trust and uncertainty of the future to deal with before we could come out to our nearest and dearest who, without any doubt, would either foresee a bad future for us or blame us for keeping secrets.

It hadn't been a mystery to figure out that we weren't able to stay away from each other, our kiss at the fair setting our patience ablaze and making us come up to the conclusion that we could kiss and spend time together without risking to abate our prides when or if our relationship should fail due to my inability to be with the same woman for a longer term or her obvious problems in trusting me.

Okay, to be honest, I wasn't exactly agreeing on the _keeping things a secret_ part, I had no problem with becoming official in public, but if the girl insisted on needing time to trust me completely, then I would have to give her what she wanted. Besides, even I could see what problems we could cause if we enlightened my sister too early, her expectations of me similar to those of Anastasia which would lead to even more discussions about my credibility, something I was trying to avoid as long as I could. I knew my reputation wasn't in my favor now, but all I could give my girl was my time, my attention, my honesty and my attraction, hoping that she would eventually trust me enough to give us a real try, one in which we didn't have to make out between dusty shelves at her workplace.

It was a good thing that she seemed to be on board with the here and now, the future an empty piece of paper we could either fill out together or ball up to throw it away. We were letting things go with the flow, trying to get to know each other finally while enjoying the perks of our physical relationship which nowadays was limited to kissing and maybe some light dry humping, anything more than that currently not available to me since Anastasia was still a virgin and I was giving her the time she needed.

After twenty minutes, which felt like an eternity as I watched Anastasia smile at customers, here and there leaning down to pick something up which gave me a fortunate view of her backside, my blood rushing to my abdomen as coherent thoughts left the building, my boredom raised its sleepy head again. I tried to distract myself by silently flirting with Anastasia through chuckles, winks and mouthed words, something her co-worker commented with an annoyed sigh, my girl blushing and nervously fumbling with pens or a strand of her hair. Calling her my girl was weird, I didn't even know if it was true or not, but it felt right in my head, so I let myself enjoy it.

Just like I enjoyed yet another teeth _clenchingly_ good kiss in the next possible moment I could drag her to a private corner, using her beeline to the restrooms. This time she wasn't as surprised as before, gladly letting herself be picked up by me to be pushed against an empty wall, legs and arms tightly wrapped around me, our cores and our mouths pressed against each other, tongues swirling just like the butterflies inside my stomach. Kissing her felt like a firework exploding one after another, colorful and spectacular in a unique way, yet dangerous if you weren't careful.

"We should really get a room." She giggled against my lips, her forehead hot against mine. I slowly let her down, still grasping her hips though, unable to separate.

"You know, Elliott will go camping next weekend." I whispered, my nose tip brushing hers, teasing. My best friend was going on a whole two days trip in which he and his training buddies would endure the self-torture they were putting themselves through called triathlon, their stay at a camping place a part of their perseverance training or something like that – I usually didn't listen whenever he held one of his infamous speeches.

"If you are trying to say that we should go camping, too, I should tell you that I am not to be trusted in the wildness. You know how clumsy I am." Anastasia said with a pointed look, her fingers softly playing with the hairs on my neck, a shiver running through my back. Her perfume was tickling my nostrils, sweet, yet feminine, nothing too intrusive.

"No, not exactly. I was just saying that Elliott won't be home, meaning that the place will be empty, meaning that we could finally get that room we _desperately_ need." I whispered, quickly biting her bottom lip, something that made her gasp with reddish cheeks. She wiggled against my body, wanton and horny, maybe as much as me, although I had my doubts that anyone could be as horny as me right now. I couldn't remember the last time I had sex and now that I had this hot, wanton girlfriend with whom I had great chemistry, I was even more desperate for it.

"Well, that's wonderful, but I still couldn't easily plan a sleepover without Mia being suspicious." Anastasia mumbled with a tilted head, taking a deep breath as she gave me a sorry look.

"You could say that you are staying at another friend's place." I proposed, hopeful for a chance of a night alone with her. The way she shyly bit her lip made me slouch my shoulders, it seemed like I wasn't winning this fight.

"I don't have many friends. I don't think she would buy that lie."

I couldn't stop wondering if there was something else, too, something she didn't tell me, maybe something in which she didn't want to spend time with me or at least not be alone with me in a room with a bed. I mean, I obviously wouldn't mind having sex with her – right here with an audience, in the bathroom stall which would be probably uncomfortable but _oh so tight just like her... Focus, Grey!_ \- and if I had to be honest, my invitation for a sleepover at my place was mostly fueled with my desperate ache for sex – preferably not with my own hand – and my need to spend time with her in a place we didn't have to hide or be afraid of being caught, getting to know her would definitely be easier that way.

But I could also see things from her point of view, a girl who has barely started dating and who just had her first kisses, all of these with a man she didn't particularly trust, her hesitation for an adult sleepover with said was understandable, if not natural. I had known that I would have to be patient with her, not just because she was a virgin, also because she wasn't trusting me enough to fully invest herself in our secret affair thingy which clearly needed a title by now, I was going to give her the time she needed, even if it meant that my balls would turn blue before they got any kind of action.

The last two weeks, in between all the kissing and flirting, we had spent some limited time together, the mystery that was Anastasia Steele slowly revealing itself the more I tried to read her. Information which I should have known already since we weren't complete strangers had just now found me, like how she had grown up with her stepfather after he and her mother broke up, surprising me since I never would have guessed that a child would choose to stay with a stepparent than their own mother, something she had explained to me by telling me her that her mother was never really a mother, more like a sister to her.

All the little details that had been right in front of me, but which I somehow never bothered to see because I was such an ass to anyone but myself, were just now hitting me, like the way she chewed on her pen when she was in thoughts or how her delicate fingers would brush over her collar bone mindlessly, her favorite dishes being desserts, her obvious fear of heights, her lack of patience for the cooking time of pasta whenever she was especially hungry, her obsession with Harry Potter, and the chaos she sometimes left behind when she was in a hurry, clumsy as she was knocking off things left and right, something that normally would have triggered my neat freak ass, yet so welcome when it was caused by her.

When I had told her that I had missed so much of her in the past, she had defended me by saying that she was a rather private person, sweet as always trying to see the best in people, even in a prick like me. She had even wondered why I was so interested in all of these silly details, joking how they weren't important, as always not seeing the bigger picture of things. I wasn't just fascinated by her because of a kiss or two – well, she was pretty good at that, too, and, what was more important, we fit like a glove, our chemistry bamboozling our closest environment -, it had started with a kiss maybe, but that one kiss had opened my eyes, holding light to my darkness as poetic as that sounded.

I couldn't stop but wonder where I had been with my mind to miss a girl like her.

She was something new to discover and I was happy to explore.

After her shift ended, I waited for Anastasia patiently while she freshened up in the restrooms, smelling of a fresh layer of perfume and deodorant when she came out, her hair brushed and her lips sparkling with gloss. She had changed her shirt to a tank-top which hugged her boobs as tight as I wanted to hug them, the unintentionally dirty smile I threw her making her roll her eyes while she dragged me outside, her steps eager as she announced that she was starving.

Laughing at her impatience, I let her scurry me through the streets to a nearest deli where I watch her devour a sandwich as big as my forearm with fascination and respect, noting how she has the appetite of a hungry sailor, something other girls would have been offended by – at least the girls I had used to date -, but which she only commented with one raised finger of her right hand. I wondered where her shyness was, asking her if she had lost it and right on clue she blushed deep crimson.

"It's easy to forget everything else when I'm with you." Anastasia mumbled, unaware of the high I was living with her confession. It was what I was feeling, too.

"Even that I am an ass?" I joked, deserving the napkin she threw at me, stealing some of her fries as revenge.

"Hey! You have your own fries, Mister." She said with pursed lips, obviously not into _sharing is caring_. "And how could I forget 99% of your personality?"

"Well, then you must really like the other 1%." I said cockily, taking a sip of my ice-cold coke. Summer was not just right around the corner, it had arrived with June, the warm days welcome, especially since they were most probably limited thanks to Seattle's persistence for keeping its reputation as the rainiest place on earth.

"It's what makes you a great kisser, so I gladly endure the rest of you for it." Anastasia teased, munching on her food before she licked off ketchup from her fingers, her tongue hypnotizing me as soon as it was in view.

"But it isn't awful, is it?" I asked, shaking my head to free myself from the image of her tongue peeking out, self-doubt suddenly rising its ugly head. "I mean, I know we haven't really set rules and goals or anything, but this is nice, isn't it?"

The now was nice for me at least, who knew what the future would bring? I myself could only hope that things would stay the way they were, my heart beating excitedly whenever I saw her, my senses bewitched with every touch and my dick definitely hard as soon as we kissed. What else could a guy ask for?

"It's nice for now." She said, a shrug following. "Not that I have anything to compare it to."

How much of an asshole would I be if I said that I am thankful for her inexperience? I would lie if I didn't say that it didn't fucking turn me on and mad, knowing that no man had kissed what I was kissing and no man would if I had my way.

 _Yeah. Don't say that out loud, Grey. It sounds too creepy._

"And we are sure that we want to keep this a secret?" I asked with a dry throat, nervous as ever when this particular topic came up. It was another way of asking if she was trusting me yet.

"I'm sure, yes. I need this time, Christian. I needed it before if you remember, the answers I demanded but didn't really get, but the problem was I... _we_ couldn't stay away anymore." She said with furrowed brows, her tone more serious now. "So, I am still asking for time to find those answers myself."

Answers.

Answers about her endless questions about the future.

While we both hadn't expected a relationship to form from a kiss, it was what had happened in the end, neither of us not delighted with what we had now, but yet the questions of what we would become still open and unanswered by... by who exactly? I hadn't the power to decide over destiny and fate myself, she called the shots as much as me, if not more, and then there was this dude called God, depending on how much you believed in, who kinda had an important role in people's lives.

She needed the time to know if she could trust me to go public with me, fearing that she would be the laughing stock of everybody if I should decide to dump her as soon as I got bored with her – something I could never be, at least that was what it felt like -, making me begrudgingly think how important her pride seemed to be. It was definitely more important than the happiness we were living in or could live on, but while I was low-key pissed about her insistence on to keep us a secret, I could also understand her hesitations since yes, there was the possibility that I would get bored of her eventually, my past hook-ups not promising monogamy or long-term relationships, something Mia was barely tolerating with other women, God knew what she would do if I did that to her best friend.

It was a bunch of complicated knots we had put aside for now so we could stop resisting to be with each other.

"We are doing this, though, right?" I asked, fumbling with my own napkin, the smile she gave me reassuring.

"It's too late cop out. Beside we already have our tickets." Anastasia joked, hinting at the movie we were going to watch tonight. It made me smile, the peaceful feeling of relief not washing me over like I was aching for. Funny how I had been the one wanting to be with her even if we didn't have proper answers for us, she had been the one trying to talk sense into me.

Two hours later, I was circled by the buttery smell of popcorn, the voices and sounds of whatever movie Anastasia had chosen - I hadn't bothered to check, I would have watched any shit with her - booming in my ears, and my lips deeply locked with my girl's. I had thrown an arm around her shoulders, pressing her as close as possible to me as we shamelessly made out, ignoring our surroundings and the tightness in the front of my pants.

I was feeling frantic, she was never close enough, our kisses never deep enough, I took what I wanted and what she gladly gave, our tongues wet and desperate. She giggled when I let out yet another curse, her giggle sending waves of tiny explosions through the nerves on my lips right over all of my skin, the degree inside skyrocketing with each passing second in which I felt like I was on fire. My fingers were greedy, grasping her waist tightly, the fabric of her top thin underneath my skin, thin enough for me to ache for skin contact even more, searching for some on her jeans' waistband and causing me to let out an internal _Hallelujah_ when I found what I was looking for – creamy, soft skin and the shiver making her shake when I touched her.

"Ah." Anastasia let out a soft moan, her hands in my hair tugging painfully, a kind of pain I was more than welcoming.

"Christian." She whispered, freeing lips of mine, her cheeks flushed enough for me to see even in the semi-dark we were in. Her long lashes threw tiny shadows to her cheekbones whenever an extra light scene was on the big screen, the urge to kiss those spots making me lean forward to press tiny, gentle pecks here and there, feeling her muscles tense underneath my hand. As my lips found their way to her ear lobe, my teeth biting once to make hiss, my hand roamed down to her hips and to her thighs, my fingertips tracing the seam of her jeans, her breathless words intensifying the electricity buzzing between us.

"I'm so..." She let out, shivering when I kissed the delicate skin of her throat, kissing, sucking and biting alternately, her nails digging into the skin of my neck as she crossed her legs, probably to get some kind of friction.

"You are so what?" I teased, thankful that I had been wise enough to persuade her to buy tickets in the top row, left and right of us empty, while there were people sitting in front of us.

"Tell me, Ana. What are you feeling, baby?" I whispered, my own teasing driving me mad as I imagined how wet she probably was, I only needed to let my hand wander between her thighs, maybe wet enough for me to feel her warmth through the thick fabric of her pants, even better if she maybe, maybe, _maaaybe_ let me pop open those buttons so my fingers could dig for gold, finding it between her legs and making sure she saw real stars and not just those playing in the blockbuster we were watching.

Fuck. I needed to get laid soon. Preferably with her. That would be nice, really nice, fan-fucking-tastically nice, we could totally skip the rest of the movie, get us the fastest cab ever and drive over to my place where I could devour her on the kitchen table first, later on my bed, maybe even on my couch, making her feel like the woman she was.

"I'm so horny." Anastasia said through a nervous giggle and yet another moan, eagerly pushing out her boobs toward me, soft against my chest.

Enough was enough.

My patience ran out as soon as I had my girl confess that she was horny, horny because of me, my dick taking over my body immediately as I had her up and down on my lap, something that made her let out a tiny yelp instinctively, her hands on my shoulders as her eyes bugged when she felt the hard-on I was sporting.

We were in public, there were people nearby, and God knew it was so fucking taboo, but he also knew that I had no fucks to give.

With our newest position, we were closer than before, our lips smashing against each other while I felt feverish from head to toe, her feminine body soft against mine, her hips automatically circling above my dick, a moan escaping me as I desperately tried not to kick the seat of the person in front of me, trying to distract my senses by kneading the flesh of her ass through her jeans. It had taunted me more than once in the last few weeks.

When we were out of breath, I let go off her begrudgingly, hungry as a shark attacking her neck next, soft and not so soft kisses given, skin sucked on to leave a territorial mark like the jerk I was, nothing she was bothered by since her hips didn't stop bucking, the friction never enough for the both of us, my angry desperation making me bold as I slowly licked my way to the gentle skin of her breasts. A moan, louder than the ones before, forced its way out of her, immediately making her clasp her own mouth as she threw her head back with closed eyes, my teeth teasing her by playing with the hem of her top right above the slit between her tits, my tongue tickling her and making her shiver as she grasped my shoulder tightly in order not to fall, the view she gave me nearly making me come in my pants.

Her head was thrown back as she held her own mouth shut, not wanting anyone to witness the moans and sighs I was causing, her eyes tightly closed as she took her own pleasure by dry humping me, her skin sensitive underneath mine, the simplest touch making her explode from the inside out, something that my ego welcomed with open arms.

She might be a virgin, but she knew what she wanted and she was unafraid to take it.

It was a turn on, a power trip I enjoyed very much.

"We need to get out of here, Anastasia." I said through clenched teeth, astonished on how I stopped her hips from moving myself, it was the most horrible form of self-torture. "We need to get out of here before..."

Suddenly the lights were turned on, the movie's blasting sounds shutting up which left room for an awkward silence and an obvious round of whispers followed by a loud voice.

"Sir, ma'am, we have to ask you to leave. You are disturbing the audience." A young kid, dressed in the cinema's work attire of a red vest over a white shirt and a blue tie, said, surprisingly firm for the awkwardness in his posture.

Ana and I were completely frozen for a second, the humiliation deadly as a black widow, before suddenly we came to live, ready to flee the crime scene as soon as possible, the chaos of limbs as we tried to free each other causing a few giggles, especially when I nearly dropped Ana to the floor. Our audience was waiting impatiently, someone of them whispering about a disgrace, something about us getting a room – _**exactly what I was trying to do all along, thank you**_ -, every spoken word making our movements hastier which eventually led to an unfortunate accident when Ana knocked over her coke, brown liquid spilling everywhere right on the seats we had been making out on.

Needless to say, that we were escorted outside by a grumpy looking employee who wished us a good day and sarcastically thanked us for the extra work we had caused. Ana's apology was ignored, the door shut fiercely, leaving us underneath the evening sun of Seattle.

It took us a second to look each other in the eyes before we bursted out in a hearty laugh, our stomachs cramping as we were unable to move from our spots. I had never been embarrassed like this in public, yet somehow it was the funniest experience I had ever made with a woman, sharing this with Ana only making her more special.

It was easy to forget everything else while she was with me.

* * *

"Christian, could we talk for a second?"

I looked up from my papers, my glasses slipping to the tip of my nose before I took them off with an annoyed sigh, waving the brunette waiting at my open door inside. I closed the file I had been studying before I looked into pleasant bourbon colored eyes, a sweet smile sitting on dark red painted lips, a face I was familiar with staring at me.

"How can I help you, Leila?" I asked, being on first name basis with the students I was tutoring, a task given to me by one of my favorite professors who had liked my performance and grades in class a lot to reward me with honorable, extra work.

Class had ended a few minutes ago, everyone eager to leave since it was Friday, surely a party or two waiting to be attended somewhere, a drink, maybe friends and definitely a girl waiting. I hadn't been less enthusiastic than them, cheering internally when I got to dismiss them, my last-minute work of gathering my things interrupted by one of my students.

Leila was a clever girl, a year below me, yet her understanding for several topics were showing how she was able to comprehend learning material of classes above her. I had found out that Prof. Banner had an eye on her grades, joking to me that she might replace me in the future since he loved to collect ambitious and witty students like _Prof. Slughorn_ did in the Harry Potter universe – a comparison I had recently discovered thanks to a special lady in my life.

Said lady was supposed to drop by soon, a quick meeting in between our busy days, the last time I saw her lying two days in the past which was too much of a time not to be close to her, but when someone had knocked on my door, the momentarily excitement I had felt had vanished when it had been Leila Williams knocking and not my favorite brunette.

"I have to do a presentation for this term's end and I was wondering if you could perhaps help me with it." Leila said, direct in a way I really appreciated it, crossing her legs when she sat down on a chair.

"Sure." I said, throwing a look to my watch as I wondered where my date was. "Why don't you email me what you have so far and we come up with a plan?"

It was a good deed, one that my professor would appreciate and maybe reward me with extra credits for, so who was I to decline Leila?

"And you could maybe give me your phone number, too, so I can call you. For academic purposes, of course." Leila said, dimples visible on her cheeks as she smiled confidently, her eyes daring.

It was obvious what she was going for, but she was oblivious to the fact that there were two things standing in our way of a hook-up, one of them being my position as her tutor and the other being a girl that had captivated my body and mind efficiently without even being aware of the power she had over me.

Without being able to suppress a smile which probably gave her false hope, I reluctantly wrote down my number on a piece of empty paper, guessing that she would have to get it eventually anyway since being an active help in her project would make us meet up once or twice.

Packed with my phone number and the illusion that she had caught my attention, Leila excused herself, wishing me a nice weekend before she sashayed out of the small class room reserved for my tutorials, the swaying of her hips probably looking inviting for any other male. She was an eye catcher for sure, yet not what I was looking for.

I was looking for a shy wallflower type of brunette who was secretly hiding a tiger underneath the kitten attitude, wit as sharp as claws, a heart big enough to have room for my ego and the magically skill to set my insides ablaze with just one look – a skill like that wasn't just learned, you had to be born with, I was sure.

We had chemistry, that much was clear, I was just hoping we could write history together, something I was ready to do as soon as she trusted me enough to go official, come out as, I dared to say, a couple. It was surprising how ready I was feeling for a serious relationship, wondering why it had never been like with one of my exes, coming to the conclusion that Anastasia was the crux of the matter.

Even if we didn't know what we would be in the future, for now we were perfect.

I had noticed that, in the times we were apart, I was missing her, physically and emotionally. I wasn't only craving her kisses and touches, I was missing the soft sound of her giggling whenever she made a joke on my expense or how she bit her tongue when she concentrated, determined to win the round of Scrabble we had played on her break at the library. And I thought that I mostly missed the man I was around her, surprised that I was noticing change in myself in a short amount of time of our _relationship_ , more at ease and less _pricky_ when she was around, even my weird obsessions with certain brands were pushed back from my mind, limits now not exactly existing.

Physically we were burning alive, the tension between us growing thicker and thicker, something that was especially worrisome when our friends were around. Situations like that required us to be as distant as we were before our first kiss, me ignoring her, her ignoring me, only a hello exchanged out of courtesy, maybe a few lines if it was necessary, but apart from that nothing else. Not looking at her when she was around, and I realized how pathetic I sounded, was torture.

Things were especially difficult when Mia was around, my sister normally very observing, yet somehow blind to the obvious attraction pulling me to her best friend who by the way was feeling especially guilty with my sister around. She didn't enjoy keeping secrets, knowing that it was safer this way, yet haunted by guilt.

I tried to assure her that, when the time came, Mia would get all the answers she wanted, with PowerPoint presentation and all if necessary, but for now she would just complicate something which was already complicated enough.

"There you are." I mumbled at Ana's lips when she finally showed up with a face reddened from exhaustion, something she had caused by running the last feet leading to me, her arms around my neck as soon as we had closed and locked the door.

"I need to go soon." She whispered, melting against me as we kissed slowly, tongues softly dancing and surprisingly not hasty. Her skin felt heated against my palms as I hold her face gently, fingers teasing the ticklish spots behind her ears, our moment together sensual as I slowly walked backward leading her with me, soon finding support on my desk where I leaned against the wood, spreading my legs a little so she could come closer.

"How soon?" I asked in between sucks of her bottom lip, my ears buzzing with desire washing over me from head to toe.

"Too soon." She sighed, fingers softly playing with the tiny hairs on my neck, a shiver running down my back. I crossed my arms around her waist, enjoying the short private moment we were having, kissing her feeling like breathing to me.

"My friend is waiting for me. He promised to drive me home since I gave him my notes for our next exam."

I stopped in my tracks, even letting go off her lips as I stared at her with widened eyes, suddenly aware that there were other males in her life, males that weren't the boyfriend of my sister or my best friends.

"That's nice of _him_." I stressed, my awkwardness noticed by her with a frown, her hands letting go off my neck before she crossed them at her chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ana asked with pursed lips.

"Nothing. I just said that it was nice of your friend." _Really nice, yes, yes. Such a nice fella, driving my girl home._

Was I jealous?

"Yes, he is a gentleman." She said with a grin, teasing me once again. "What's with the sour face?"

"My face isn't sour." I muttered, a complete lie since I was frowning at the thought of some _gentleman_ in my girl's life. I shouldn't let the presence of some man rain on my parade like that, I was confident and cocky enough to think that she couldn't find someone better than me anyway, but still I felt attacked, as if that poor soul could do anything for my real issue.

Being kept a secret, while there were other men who wouldn't have to be kept as secrets, was the real problem here.

Not being trusted was another one.

"It's just I..." I began, looking down as I searched for words and, once again, chose to be a coward instead. "I had hoped I could drive you home. Or even better you could come to my place. Elliott is camping, you know."

"Oh." Ana let out, blushing as she bit her lip. "I don't think we could find a convincing lie for Mia. She and I had a Marvel movies night planned."

"Or we could skip the lie and tell her the truth."

I blamed the mention of Marvel movies on my sudden courageous moment, mostly because the thought of her swooning over Chris Hemsworth's, Chris Evan's, Chris Pratt's or any other Chris' ass had me sulking.

Her mouth twisted while she slouched her shoulders, mindlessly reaching for my shirt's collar, fingers teasing as they played with the fabric.

"Is that a good idea?" She asked, watching me nod excitedly.

"Ana, we are great together, aren't we?" I asked, allowing myself to hope for a tiny second.

"We have something great, yes." She nodded, eyes suddenly squeezing tightly. "For now, at least."

I knew I had lost the battle before it really had started as soon as she mentioned that one word I was starting to hate passionately. _Now._

"We could still find a reliable lie." I proposed instead, my stomach clenching with the rejection I had gotten.

"I have to work an extra shift at the Gibson's tomorrow. The twins need babysitting." Ana said with a sorry smile, her words sounding like a poor excuse, something that put a new layer of self-doubt on top of the already existing stinky pile, the rejection I was getting daily capping it all. I wondered why she was still with me if she clearly didn't trust me enough to foresee a future for us, she had said that she hadn't been able to resist me anymore, yes, but her persistence, only to take serious steps when she absolutely sure of where we were headed, was irrationally annoying, something that would have made me run for the hills with any other girl.

Anastasia Steele wasn't just any girl, though. It was a blessing and a curse.

Not wanting to have a sleepover with me was something else, though. I wondered if it had something to do with her not trusting me, something that seemed reasonable, yet still she had no problems with making out with me like horny rabbits whenever we could.

Of course, it could all be about her virginity, too.

Thinking that she probably wasn't ready enough, I dropped the subject, enjoying the last minutes I had with her.

On my way home, after I saw Ana leave with her _such a nice gentleman_ friend, I got a call from Elliott, answering his call as I drove around town, sulking since Ana hadn't let me drive her home myself, muttering something about that being suspicious to Mia, making me begrudgingly agree.

"How is life without me, asshole?" My best friend greeted me, the sounds of nature audible in the background, birds chirping, wind slipping through the leaves of trees.

"We just saw each other this morning." I said with a grin, one hand on the steering wheel, the other arm supported on the open window border, my phone lying on my lap with its speakers on.

"That was over 9 hours ago. A lot of time to miss good old me." He said, chuckling at his own words.

"I'm sorry, but did you mean to call Kate?" I said, feigning confusion. "This is Christian, man. Not your girlfriend."

"If there is someone who would ever miss me more than Kate, it's you, bro. We are a team."

"Is there a reason for your apple-polishing? Because I can't remember you ever being this attentive."

"And here I was calling to do you a favor." He said with an audible pout, being the drama queen that he shamelessly was.

"What kind of favor can you do me from whatever forest you are hiding in? Are you going to send me some fresh air?" I joked just when I parked in front of my building, stopping the motor of my car. I was craving food, beer and a girl that rather spent time with my sister than me, but at least the first two things I could have with me, myself and I. Maybe I could even sulk about how unfair life was, it was Friday night after all, I was allowed to be wild.

"I will do you one better. You know my friend Jared from the gym?" He asked, making me roll my eyes, as if I could forget the dude who had trashed our apartment the last time we had partied together. I had cleaned up for three days straight afterward, it had been a disaster.

"Unfortunately, yes. What about him?"

"He is throwing a party tonight. You know, trashing his own place for once, but the point is, I heard that Gia Matteo will be there, too. He said you could come to hang out."

"Gia who?" I asked with a frown, not remembering someone with that name, not that my brain had a lot of female names saved, as fucked up as that sounded.

"Gia who could be your next girl." Elliott said, the wiggle of his brows audible in his voice, making me wonder what Kate would do if she heard him talk like that about another woman, her jealousy knowing no boundaries. "I showed her on campus once, remember? A few weeks ago, I think. Blonde, tight ass, a nice pair of tits. Your type."

 _Ha! Wrong!_

The faded memory of seeing a girl like that with him once made its way into my mind, back then when kissing Anastasia Steele had just begun. The girl had been pretty, sure, yet my mind and my dick had been into one girl only, that hadn't changed since then, in fact it had gotten even stronger.

"You need to get out there again, Chris." He went on, as always my super supportive wingman. "I haven't seen you with a chick in weeks. Your balls must be blue."

"Why are you so concerned about my balls, asshole?"

"Because you normally get grumpy when you don't get any, asshole." He said with an annoyed sigh. "I must confess this time it wasn't that bad. Yet, who knows what your moody ass decides to do next? I can't risk that. You are worse than Kate when she is PMSing."

"Don't worry about me or my balls, especially those. I won't bite your ass as long as you don't give me a reason to."

Like causing a mess in our beloved home which I keep clean or like sabotage yet another flirting interaction with Anastasia like you have done weeks before at the library.

"Whatever, douchebag. I was trying to do you a favor."

After I assured him that I was thankful for his offer, yet not making use of it since I had sworn off blondes after the whole Elena fiasco, an excuse I shamelessly used to drop the subject, we hung up, our conversation reminding me of the endless texts I had gotten from Elena in the last week. I had considered blocking her, but that had seemed childish, so I chose to call her again to make her understand that we were never ever getting back together – Thanks, Taylor Swift! -, something she had troubles with understanding. It was a tiresome conversation, me doing the most part while she listened, before she pretended it hadn't happened, inviting me over, which eventually ended with me giving up with annoyance sitting heavy on my bones, cursing the day I had made the mistake to date her.

At least people weren't believing her when she ran around, telling how we were in love. I guessed they knew me better than to think that I would do this love thing.

I was running some errands at home, trying to keep me and my mind busy, when the realization hit me that I was spending Friday evening at home, alone and cleaning up, instead of being with the girl I wanted, my only fun activity being the take-out food I would order and the cold beer in the fridge.

Fuck that. I wasn't meant to spend my night sulking at home, not while she was out there somewhere, that somewhere being at my sister's place, therefore easy territory for me.

Packed with a new plan, I got ready, freshly showered and dressed to impress, making a stop on my way there to pick up some snacks for us, before I finally knocked on their door when I arrived, my heart beating excited in my chest.

My sister's confused look greeted me, though, seeing her only now making me wonder about the consequences of my actions, the smile I plastered on my face not giving away the curses I was shouting at myself internally, though.

"Hey, bug." I said, calling her the nickname I had given her years ago, ruffing her hair, something she noted with an annoyed groan, waving off my hand.

"You haven't done that in years, asshole. Come in." She said as she combed her hair spiky hair with her fingers, dressed in comfy slacks and a t-shirt which looked like it belonged to Ethan.

"I hope I'm not intruding." I said, taking off my shoes after I gave her the bag I was carrying, Mia waiting for me to lead me to the living room from which I heard the TV, yet not the voice I was really aching for. I certainly hadn't expected a welcome committee, but still a guy could hope and dream.

"Ana and I were just watching some movies. No bar for you tonight, huh?" Mia asked with one raised brow, leading me to the living room where Ana was sitting curled up on the couch, her cheeks blushing as she said hi, something I shortly responded with one hi of my own, pretending like my skin wasn't buzzing with attraction toward her as I sat down on a single chair, the girls sitting on the infamous freaking couch.

"Nah." I said, taking off my jacket. "Elliott is out of town, you know, and I wasn't feeling like going with anybody else or alone."

"Because that would be a tragedy." Mia noted sarcastically, rewinding what seemed to be the first _Avengers_ movie, pressing play right there when _Thor_ arrived on earth. My eyes instinctively darted to Ana, watching her reaction to the blond God man, relief spreading through me when I noticed how disinterested she looked.

"Can't a big brother stay at home with his sister?" I asked, my joke earning me an eye roll before she reached for the bag she had placed on the coffee table. They had drinks on there and some snacks they had prepared themselves.

I couldn't have cared less for the movie, may the Marvel fans forgive me, not while Ana was sitting so close, her eyes never meeting mine, though. I had thought that spending time with her, even if we had to act like strangers, would be easier than not seeing her at all, but I had been dead wrong. It was horrible, being this close yet so far, and I sulked into my bottle of beer, trying not to do anything which would have made my sister suspicious, even though I had felt the need to stand up, climb on their coffee table, knock over everything before I bursted out a confession to my sister about how I was really, _really liking her best friend._

Sadly, neither of them trusted me well enough to allow a confession like that. I guessed I could blame myself for that, which made things even worse.

A few weeks and spoken promises were nothing, if I had to be honest.

Feelings were nice, and I was sure if there was a person I could have feelings for, it only could be Anastasia Steele, yet too soon, we were both not ready for that conversation.

My heart dropped into my guts when I suddenly wondered if Ana wasn't even considering having feelings for me.

She had been the one asking for the future, saying that she wasn't demanding one together, yet insisting on a future in which she wasn't heartbroken – naturally. How could we have a future apart without a heartbreak?

To make matters even more confusing, now that I was interested in said future with her as long as it had change, now she was concentrating on the now, brushing me off whenever I tried to take a serious step.

Was I just a dirty secret? Me, Christian Grey, a dirty secret used for kissing?

I had never expected that to happen, for sure. Usually, it had been the other way around, I guess karma was biting my arrogant ass.

Apart from the sounds coming from the TV, our chewing and the few lines we shared, the room was silent as the two girls seemed to concentrate on the movie, unlike me. It was better than sitting alone at home, at least, and a relaxing evening was never wrong, but I could have imagined a better night for me and my girl. A nice bottle of wine, smooth jazz and a steak followed by whatever movie we would totally ignore because we would make-out, now, that would be nice, or a gig of a great band with her in my arms and the hazy atmosphere of a bar.

My day dreams were interrupted by a phone ringing, Mia jumping from her seat, probably thinking that her boyfriend was calling. He was visiting his parents in Portland this weekend, a two-days stay unbearable to the two of them. I had always rolled my eyes whenever they were _**the**_ couple, the one that made puke with how sweet they were, but now it didn't sound as ridiculous as before.

"I'm on my way. Sorry, really. I totally forgot about that, David." Mia cursed when she hung up, giving me and her best friend a sorry look.

"Everything alright?" I asked, taking a sip of my beer.

"Can I borrow your car? I forgot that I still have David's notes and books. I swear, I will be back in half an hour or so." She begged immediately, knowing how holy my car was.

"Mia..." I groaned, my mood taking a nose dive. The Friday night gods were truly testing me tonight.

"Either you give me your car or you drive me."

"Am I your personal chauffeur?" I asked with a cocked brow, feeling lazy as shit. I was going nowhere, I had everything I wanted here, a beer, a girl...

A girl!

 _Oh, God. I knew you liked me._

I feigned annoyance when I gave my keys to Mia after she got dressed, making her promise to me that she would treat the love of my life gently, something she noted with an eye roll, unaware of my true intentions when I made sure that she would be out of the place for God sent, blissful and very much appreciated 30 mins in which I could have my dirty way with her roomie.

We waited an extra 15 seconds when Mia left, making sure she was downstairs at least, before I more than willingly broke the silence. We only had half an hour tops, every second left was like winning the lottery.

"How was the ride home?" I asked, the grin spreading on her cheeks mirroring mine as she leaned back against the couch, releasing her legs from underneath her to spread them out, crossed at her knees, her naked feet with purple polished nails taunting me.

"It was nice. José is such a good driver." Ana said with a feigned dreamy look, sighing as she shrugged, my insides turning green with jealousy. It was stupid, yet I couldn't stop it, just like the cocky asshole inside me.

"He might be, but you know I'm the better ride."

"Christian!" She let out with a gasp, cheeks flushing on instant, a hand reaching for a pillow which soon flew right past my head, missing me.

"That was so dirty."

"What can I say? I'm a dirty boy." I laughed, watching her shook her head in second-hand embarrassment, strutting toward her where i leaned down, grasping her heated face in between my hands while she gave me an all widened eyes look like a deer caught in the headlights.

Bright blue met stormy gray.

"You know what, Anastasia Steele? I'm gladly the bad boy if I get to be with you."

When my lips met hers, I was going for something gentle, hoping that she would understand that I willing to face anything if I could be her, but she had other ideas, surprising me when she suddenly pulled on the hem of my shirt, movements impatient as I lost balance, bumping against her and pushing her against the cushion.

The air in our bodies _wooshed_ out of us as we were a knot of mix, eager lips searching lips, as if we hadn't made out just hours ago, but I guessed heroin was just as addictive as her lips and people had problems going cold turkey on that, so who was I to force myself to do that, enjoying the sudden rush of desire she seemed to be feeling.

Her legs spread automatically, me and my dick were happy to find a spot between them, her hands hastily tugging on my shirt's hem, fingers soon digging into the naked flesh of my back underneath, my hips jolting instinctively where she was burning through her leggings it seemed, lips unapologetically nibbling, sucking, biting, _loving._

I certainly didn't know where her sudden impatience came from, but I sure as hell wasn't going to complain, keeping the limited time we had on my mind, though.

"This is nice." I commented dryly between kisses, letting her take breaths as I continued my path to her chin, greedy of the taste of her skin. "Sudden, but nice."

"We can stop if you want to. Oh!" She let out a loud moan, nails suddenly painfully squeezing my shoulder blades, goose bumps spreading on my skin. I had teasingly bitten the flesh of her plump cheek, my kiss licking and kissing to soothe it before I let my lips drag over her skin before I found her lips again, wet and ready for me.

"Not for a million dollars." I whispered in between, her giggling interrupted by our tongues, my hands messing her hair, our position not the comfiest, something she noticed, too.

My hips had found the perfect spot for the friction my dick needed when she suddenly tried to push me off her, my heart skipping a beat as I immediately let off with a worried expression. She proved me wrong, pushing me back, obviously happy that I let her bully me around, the smile only vanishing when she had to hiss as she sat down on my lap, my dick hardening underneath her, my back leaned back against the couch.

"Much better." Ana said with a waggle of her brows. "And this time no one is going to kick us out."

Our last cinema experience was still fresh in my memory, in fact fresh enough for my dreams to be full of possible scenes in which Ana and I never were interrupted that day.

"I bet Mia would kick me out if she found us like this."

"Well, then we have to hurry, don't we?" She asked, hands feistily grabbing my hair and tugging so I threw my head back, the teasing smile on her lips making me chuckle, my hands reaching for her hips to pull her closer.

There was something intoxicating about the thought of getting caught, mostly me hoping for it so we would have to come out to my sister, but the fantasy of having to hurry and hide was erotic. Maybe that was why Anastasia insisted on keeping us a secret.

As she kissed me like her life depended on it, I couldn't stop thinking how _it didn't matter how much of a gentleman that José fella was. My girl didn't like it gentle, anyway._

The urge to just throw her over my shoulder to carry her to her bedroom grew, just like something else in my pants, the closeness of her body driving me mad, her boobs tightly pressed against mine, her lips on mine, her hips bucking slowly, teasingly, sometimes faster which made me groan out loud, her body smelling of lotion, a honey smell sweet enough for me to take deep breaths of it as I attacked her neck. She warned me not to leave a mark, something I begrudgingly had to listen to, a long sigh leaving her as I licked my way from her jaw to the sensitive spot beneath her ear, to her collar bones.

All I could think of was going for a kiss or two, maybe more, some licking would be nice, on her tits, I had yet to be on first name basis with them and _fuck, they were looking good in her tank top._

The tension grew more heated, the limited time we had was taunting us, our lips once again connected when I hadn't dared to go for a peck of her tits, the friction our hips were causing not quite enough, my balls aching for release, when she did something that surprised me as much as it made me want to cheer out loud.

Her timid attitude gone and with full of confidence, Ana suddenly reached behind herself, fumbling with her bra before she wriggled out of it, pulling the black piece of fabric from underneath her top. I couldn't stop staring at it as if it was the jackpot and the Holy Grail put together, its existence more welcome than its presence, but my eyes followed its path as it flew over my head to the ground behind the couch.

 _Holy fuck. I don't think I've ever wanted to be an only child more than now._

"Ana." I let out, an embarrassing squeak attacking my ego, but fuck if I cared, my hands eagerly reaching for the straps of her shirt, lips searching hers just like my eyes looking for hers, asking for permission, before I finally dared to look for gold in her cleavage.

The lust skyrocketed through the air as soon as my lips found her trembling chest, one kiss, two kisses, a teasing lick just between her flesh globes, enough for Ana to groan, a quiet curse leaving her mouth. My fingers slowly pulled down her straps, revealing more of her skin, the desire to rip the fabric growing with each second, just like the need to leave my mark just on the side of her left tit, a private mark just for me and my eyes. Maybe I could persuade her to write my name over her tits or even better to hire someone carrying a cardboard with **"Christian Grey's (future) girlfriend"** written on it, so _nice fellas_ like José knew better than to give my girl rides home.

Jealousy was such an ugly trait, but, as I had said before, I was gladly the bad guy if I got to be with her.

"This is pure torture." I mumbled into her skin, my eyes squeezed tightly as I leaned against her collar bone with my forehead, heaven smelling like her skin now.

"Kissing my boobs?" Ana let out, her movements freezing, unaware what the way she said boobs did to me.

She yelped when I gently bit her flesh, giggling when I tickled her with my hair, hands reaching for my shoulders to support herself.

"Knowing that we have to stop." I groaned, blowing gently against the wetness on her skin which i had caused, making her shiver while I suppressed the urge to take of her shirt. It would be fruitless to go further, I was surprised that my dick allowed me to think rationally, but it was the harsh truth.

"We shouldn't have started at all. Oops." Ana laughed nervously, fingers gently playing with my hair, pure bliss spreading through me. "I guess, I was... feeling greedy."

"I like you greedy." I muttered, not able to suppress the silly grin on my face. "In fact, I insist on you being greedy more often, but maybe on better times and places where we won't be interrupted by my sister or anyone else."

"Yeah, because we have places and times like that so often."

"Speaking of which. You know we could have that opportunity more often. Elliott stays at Kate's place sometimes, maybe you could..."

"Christian? Um, your lap is vibrating?"

"My lap is what?" I asked with a frown, my rare brave moment interrupted in which I would have brought up the sleepover conversation again, her words only making notice that, in fact, something was really vibrating in my lap.

"I really hope that's your phone." Ana giggled, watching me reach down to pick out the vibrating device from my pocket. When she flinched to make room for my hands, she nearly slipped from my lap, my arm automatically reaching out to support her, the phone slipping from my hands instead.

"Here. I got it." Ana said, catching it before it landed on the floor, the screen light as someone kept calling me.

"Oh!" She let out after she threw a second lasting look on the screen, her brows suddenly furrowing.

When I saw who was calling, I knew that I had fucked up big time, the vibrant colors of the emojis - a kiss, a heart, and a peach – foreboding what I was going to face.

 **Elena is calling.**

* * *

 **Oh boy. These two are so horny, it's unreal. Petition for them to get a room SOON: sign here please with a review.**

 **Hopefully next time won't take me 7 months. HAHA. (i really hope it won't)**

 **Until next time,**

 **xoxo Melii**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the love of last time ;) Keep it coming even though my update schedule is shitty. Oops.**

 **NOT BETAED!**

* * *

 **6\. Karma**

 _"Christian? Um, your lap is vibrating?"_

 _"My lap is what?" I asked with a frown, my rare brave moment interrupted in which I would have brought up the sleepover conversation again, her words only making notice that, in fact, something was really vibrating in my lap._

 _"I really hope that's your phone." Ana giggled, watching me reach down to pick out the vibrating device from my pocket. When she flinched to make room for my hands, she nearly slipped from my lap, my arm automatically reaching out to support her, the phone slipping from my hands instead._

 _"Here. I got it." Ana said, catching it before it landed on the floor, the screen light as someone kept calling me._

 _"Oh!" She let out after she threw a second lasting look on the screen, her brows suddenly furrowing._

 _When I saw who was calling, I knew that I had fucked up big time, the vibrant colors of the emojis - a kiss, a heart, and a peach – foreboding what I was going to face._

 _ **Elena is calling.**_

To say that the erotic tension between us vanished immediately was needless. It made room for an ugly, aggressive and definitely life-threatening fight, the way Ana's nostrils flared as her eyes took the color of angry lightning bolts over a wild sea speaking volumes, my phone still in her hand as she slowly stood up, leaving me and my embarrassingly fast softening dick alone, both of us feeling defeated.

"Ana, I can explain..." I began with a squeak that only hurt my ego more, a sudden raised hand of hers making me shut up while she continued watching the ringing phone as if she could melt it with that stare of hers.

She didn't use her Superman x-ray vision to destroy my phone, though. Instead, she threw it at the couch beside me, making me flinch when I thought that she was going for my head.

"Here. Your _**girlfriend**_ is calling. I'm sure you have a lot to talk about." Ana said far too calmly, turning around before she stomped away toward her room. I was up on my feet within a second, grasping her elbow, trying to save my ass in any way possible.

"She is not my girlfriend." I let out frantically, the flush on her face not caused by embarrassment for once. "I broke up with her weeks ago. You know that!"

"Then why the fuck is she calling you with her stupid name saved like a goddamn booty call?" She hissed, freeing her arm from me in an angry move, distancing herself immediately, but at least she didn't run away.

"I have no idea why she is calling." I said, panicked. "I forgot to change her name or delete her number completely."

I realized that I had to do a major clean-up of my contacts if I didn't want something like this to happen again, not that I was interested in any women calling me, but it was obvious that Anastasia would have a mental breakdown each time one of my exes called for whatever reasons they had.

"I'm sure she is calling because she misses you very much. Why don't you go to her now? I'm sure she can find ways to show you how much she misses you and hey, guess what, you wouldn't even have to hide because Mia wouldn't mind catching you two."

"Are you crazy? Mia would very much mind if she saw me with Elena." I muttered, my heart clenching painfully at the thought of risking to lose my head because that was what Mia would do if she saw me with my ex, in my panic opting for the wrong words, though.

Anastasia huffed, eyes wide and cold, unlike her flushed face.

"Oh, I am crazy, right? Crazy enough for me to trust you while you obviously are cheating on me! I should have known that this would happen but I was stupid enough to believe that..."

"Wait! Hold on a second! What the hell are you talking about? When did you start trusting me and how did I miss that?" I asked with a frown, doubting her idea of trust if she seriously thought that she had been trusting me all along. We were in this mess because of the lack of trust, after all.

"I've trusted you enough to kiss you and make out like horny teenagers." She hissed, stomping one foot, her words like a harsh slap to my face.

"Enough? You call that enough? Goddamn, Anastasia!" I spat out, anger bubbling up inside me, thick and green while it etched my nerves, my mind and my common sense. "Here I am wanting all of you and you say that you tolerated me enough to kiss me behind locked doors, trusted me enough for that even."

"It's not enough..." She began, shutting up when I raised one finger in warning, fed up with her bullshit, fed up with the impatience I was feeling, fed up with not having her while having her, if that made any sense.

"I tell you that I want to become official, I tell you that I want everyone to know that I am with you, I tell you that I am ready to face whatever my sister will have to say about us, I tell you all of this and yet you still refuse to even consider a future with me, even though you were the one so obsessed with the future when all of this mess started! Tell me, why on earth should I insist on telling everyone that we are dating if I really was seeing my exes behind your back? Does that make any sense to you?"

Her lips parted as she took a hasty breath, gulping hard and clenching her jaw afterward as she seemed to fight whatever was eager to leave her mouth, arms crossed at her chest, her very braless chest, by the way, but not even that could distract me now – okay, it did distract me _a little,_ but that wasn't the point.

"Maybe because you are already bored with me? Maybe because, I don't know, this was what you usually did to girls? How can I know that you won't drop me like you did with Elena or any other before her?" She asked frantically, shaking her head at herself afterward as if she was trying to reason with herself, if that was plausible at all. "Not that it matters anymore. You obviously made your decisions."

The tiring feeling of defeat spread in me as I listened to her words, her rambling showing the great frustration she was feeling, frustrated by me, by herself and by the unknown, and while I knew that she deserved to get all the answers that she wanted, about us and our future together, she was also vehemently fighting off at least trying to trust me for one second, expecting concrete answers without working for it.

I was only human. I knew I had mistakes and flaws, I knew I had fucked up more than necessary in my past relationships and I knew that my reputation wasn't really comforting her, but for fuck's sake, I deserved the opportunity to try at least.

"I don't know why we are fighting about this again and again, I don't know if this, whatever we have because we can't really call it a relationship since you expect us to hide like an ugly affair, has a meaning or a future if you keep expecting the worst of me, Ana." I let out with a sigh, watching her eyes widen for a second before she pulled herself together. "Tell me, will you ever let me explain or will you continue to jump from one conclusion to another? Will you ever even try to trust me a little? From what I have seen, I don't think you want to trust me. You would rather be right about me than to trust me."

It was the harsh truth that I had known all along, but I hadn't been brave enough to speak it out loud, fearing to lose her and whatever we had but, now that I had seen how irrationally jealous and unforgiving she was, I wasn't entirely sure if we had something to lose to begin with. I was done being the scapegoat, I adhered to my past failures but that didn't mean that I didn't deserve one single chance of proving how I could change – _for us._

"It's not like you have given me something to trust, Christian, all expect your words. You are expecting me to trust you right away while we haven't even been seeing each other for a long time." Anastasia muttered, cheeks flushing as her eyes scanned my face.

Wordlessly and fueled by the desire to prove myself – more importantly prove her that she wasn't always right about people -, I picked up my phone from the couch, feeling her curious look follow my movements.

Elena's number was dialed easily, the monotone peeping of my phone loud over the speakers.

"What the hell are you doing?" Anastasia asked through a clenched jaw as I ignored her, waiting for my ex-girlfriend to pick up.

"Hello, baby." Elena breathed as a hello, making the girl across from me cross her arms with an annoyed look on her face. It was a wonder that she didn't stomp off once again.

"Elena, I am not your baby." I said coolly, done with her shit, with everyone's shit. "We broke up weeks ago, I never answer your texts and I never pick up the phone when you call, I even avoid you at any given opportunity on campus. Why do you think would I do all of that if we were still together?"

"I know how busy you are, baby. I forgive you." She giggled, surprisingly vehement about accepting the truth: we were over and we were never, ever getting back together.

I groaned, pinching my nose bridge as I tried to keep my voice down.

"No, Elena, no, there is nothing to forgive. We are done, we were done all along, but you just didn't want to understand it or you weren't able to understand it, who knows? Don't text me or call me again. I have no interest in you."

"But, baby..."

We didn't get to hear the rest of her words as I hang up, throwing my phone onto the coffee table before I turned to Anastasia, the feeling of defeat making room for numbing exhaustion, the constant fighting tugging on my nerves. We were fighting even when we weren't fighting, an endless reminder of what we could have together if she didn't resist me like the stubborn person she was, a battle present even when unspoken, _what were we, what would we be, what could we be, would she ever trust me completely?_

Unanswered questions were a burden, now I knew why she had asked for answers first and while I now understood her actions from the time in which I had run after her like a dog chasing tail, I couldn't understand why she wasn't giving in completely like the way we both wanted to. I wasn't expecting immediate trust, but I deserved a chance to prove myself at least.

Anastasia had the grace to look ashamed, her teeth biting into the soft flesh of her bottom lip, cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she tried to look anywhere but my eyes.

"Would I call her in front of you if we really hadn't broken up?" I asked calmly, her head shake a meek response. "Is this how we will be, Ana? You always expecting the worst of me and me always proving a point? I don't know what to do or what to say to make you trust me, I am feeling helpless, Ana, really, it's just so frustrating."

My hands tugged at my own hair as I let out a loud sigh, my chest tightening as I felt awful when I saw how her lips trembled, a hard gulp making her throat clench, her eyes watery.

She surprised me when she didn't stay silent as I had expected her to do, though. I certainly wasn't expecting an explanation, having figured that she would choose her usual way of handling things: silence.

"I'm sorry, okay? I have lost my temper when I saw her name on your phone."

"Yeah, and then you have accused me of cheating."

"Well, I'm sorry but your reputation and your past relationships speak for themselves, Christian." She hissed, tying my tongue with her words since I had no objections. "Can you understand even a little bit why I saw red? Try to see things from my point of view, I beg you. You are you, Christian Grey aka our school's most desired bachelor, the guy who is famous for using and losing his army of blondes, and then you suddenly decide that you dig me and I am expected to trust you right away? I am... just me."

"Some things happen suddenly, Ana. You can't foresee everything or plan everything, you can expect answers from me but you can't expect me to have them right away, just like I never have expected you to trust me immediately. But I just hoped that you would try at least, give me a chance, _**give us a chance, for fuck's sake!**_ " I pushed through a clenched jaw, my tone gentler when I added. "And what's that supposed to mean? You are not _just_ you. You are... everything."

"I don't know how to, okay?" She exclaimed, louder now, eyes hiding lightning bolts in the deep blue, only the embarrassed red of her cheeks indicating that she had heard what I had said last. "It's too soon, one minute you are with Elena, the next you are kissing me and then you are suddenly saying that you want to be us and you talk about chances and how we deserve them. I don't know how to deal with this, whatever this is, I never had... something like this before with anyone and now I have it with you. And you are... _**you!**_ "

"So, you are saying that you aren't giving us a chance because you never had something like this before? Does that even make sense to you, Ana? How can you ever have something new then?" I asked, frowning while feeling confused.

"I never said I wouldn't try this, being us." Ana said, posture small as if she was trying to swallow her own self in order to escape. "I want to try, I really do, and I am thankful for the honest action you have taken in front of me, baring my crazy ass and not giving up like I did immediately, but just like I can't expect you to overnight, you also can't expect me to lose this paranoia. I'm truly sorry for accusing you of cheating, I just saw red when I saw her name on your phone, and I promise I will try to keep my hair on from now on. I guess that's all we can do for now."

While she shrugged with an uncomfortable expression on her face, I tried to see the positive in this mess – a trait my sister had gotten from our mother, but I never really had understood, yet here I was helpless enough to rely on it. Anastasia wouldn't have been jealous if she didn't really care about me even for a little bit, her pride maybe being the primer fuel of her jealousy, but I could live with second best for now.

Still, the nagging feeling that she would keep running whenever things got complicated didn't raise its ugly hand around my neck, choking will to hope and dream with every passing second.

* * *

"You asshole!"

The slap following hit the back of my head swiftly, the glass in my hand nearly emptying its orange content all over my khaki pants and the cream table cloth. I pushed both my plate and my glass away from me before I turned around to face my sister who was standing behind me with her hands at her hips, lips pursed as she regarded me with her _I-am-so-disappointed-to-be-related-to-you_ look, the one I got now and then from her whenever I fucked up something. Normally, after facing that look I didn't wish upon my greatest enemies, my brain would shut down everything expect vitals like breathing and remembering every Spice Girls song there was, trying to remember when, how and with whom I possibly could have fucked up bad enough to piss my sister off, an immediate long list of potential sins following in my mind as I wondered how many apples I would need to polish to make Mia forgive me.

But this time things were different.

My shameful list of sins was short, short enough to be sustaining only three bold letters, but just like in many things in life, the length didn't say anything about its qualities.

 **A N A**

Panic dried my throat even though I had just taken a big sip of my fresh orange juice, a task my sister had interrupted gracefully, on my mind scenarios in which Mia ended my life here and now because I was secretly seeing her best friend, the one person she actually guarded like gold, especially from fuckboys – the title I had earned due to my ridiculous behavior – like me, the silver forks and knives on the table in front of me dangerously close for her to slit my throat or cut my dick as she laughed maniacally, my parents crying, not because their son was dying, but because I was bleeding on one of Mum's new table clothes, the ones she had bought from a fancy French shop extra for this particular event, sirens in the distance, chaos erupting around my dead body, all because of me fancying Anastasia Steele.

"How could you do this?" Mia muttered, the skin around her neck as red as her dress, a vein pulsing on her forehead. Curious eyes were staring at the exchange between her and me, Aunt Marge and her bald husband sitting close by and listening shamelessly. I wondered why Mum kept inviting them to her quarterly brunches, an event she hosted with pride since it brought together her book club and the charity society she was volunteering at. Needless to say, she made us all show up, looking our very best and behaving our very, very best, something Mia seemed to having forget since she caused a scene very publicly.

"What?" I asked, _denial, denial, always denial. Maybe I could deny knowing someone named Anastasia Steele, don't know her, nope, nope. Lalalalalala._

"My friend saw you." She groaned with an eye roll, sitting down opposite of me at the table I had searched shelter at minutes earlier, wanting to enjoy my food without a relative or one of Mum's book club ladies pinching my cheeks as they asked me about my education, work, love life, basically anything they had no business of.

"I can explain..." I let out, my voice embarrassingly weak but I blamed the panic and the sudden realization that I would die today. I wished I had kissed Anastasia last night when I dropped her off after our once again secret date, but she had insisted that the onion rings she had eaten after a few rounds of laser tag had her mouth stinking worse than a trash can and no matter how many times I had insisted on not caring, she had only given me a peck on my cheek before saying good night, leaving me _kissless_. It was a good thing that I had stolen a few rounds of kisses at the laser tag arena in between metal bins and neon lights, but who could have possibly known that they were the last I would ever get?

"Honestly, Christian. Each time I think that you have changed, you do it again. Why? Why does it have to be her? Why her out of all the people?" Mia exhaled loudly, arms crossed at chest, hands suspiciously close to possible weapons though. I kept my eyes on her, anxiously trying to come up with an excuse, but no matter how hard I tried to find something comforting, I couldn't come up with a way of telling her that _I have taken your best friend's kiss and now I am back for more_ in a way that wouldn't make her want to be an only child.

I had promised to stay away from her friends a long time ago, but here I was, having a... well, I didn't know what we had, to be honest. Whatever it was, though, Mia wouldn't trust me enough not to break her best friend's heart, anyway. I just hoped that I wouldn't get my heart broken, either.

It was a good thing I was used to people not trusting me. Ana and I were back to our secret schedule, making out like horny teenagers and hiding from everybody else, our recent fight creating an embarrassing tension between us, but like true adults we ignored it completely. I was trying to make peace with the thought that the one girl I could actually think about a future with wasn't fancying the thought of people knowing that we were into each other, but the tasteless memory of her outburst and the harsh words following were haunting me like a ghost.

"Mia, I know you are worried, but I promise you this time is different." I mumbled, hoping that I could make her understand that Ana wasn't just any girl I was hooking up with, the fact that I was not out of mind even though we hadn't had sex yet speaking volumes. Under normal circumstances, I never would have been with a girl without getting my dick inside her, but Anastasia Steele was no normal circumstance.

"Different how, asshole? Don't tell me you have feelings for her!" My sister let out, disgust written on her face.

My brows reached my forehead as I was surprised with her obvious discomfort with any possible feelings I could have for her best friend. I hadn't expected for her to ship us anytime soon, sure, but at least I had been certain that she would see me as the problem here and not her best friend whom she normally adored to heaven and back.

"What? I have no idea..." I let out, my throat squeezed by the invisible hand of sudden confrontations of feelings, something I hadn't really given a thought for myself. It was clear as daylight that Anastasia was special, special for me at least, but feelings?

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Mia groaned, rubbing her nose bridge with squeezed eyes. "Don't tell me it's because you are fucking her? Find someone else if needed but keep your hands away from Elena Lincoln. I can't bear a second in her presence and you always drag your bimbos along as if we automatically have to be friends with them just because they wet your dick."

 _Wait. What?_

"Elena?" I asked, relief washing over me as I realized that my sister wouldn't kill me for making out with her best friend behind her back – yet. The way things looked, though, there was the possibility that she would kill me for a misunderstanding instead, a terrible one nonetheless.

"Yeah, Elena, the girl you have dumped like an used tissue weeks ago? Don't tell me you forgot her name already?"

"Used? Mia, she is a human being." I frowned, earning an angry raised brow which shut me up immediately.

"My friend Cindy saw you guys together a few days ago at this bistro place. I can't believe you are back together with her, but I honestly don't know what I have expected."

"Why the fuck is everyone expecting the worst of me?" I grumbled, my jaw clenching as I remembered another girl who had believed that I was banging Elena again.

"Nobody is expecting the worst of you. People are just expecting you to be you, asshole." She noted as she reached for a chocolate dipped strawberry I had gotten for myself, chewing on her bite before she shook her head with a sigh. "You have to be honest it's such a you move to run back to your blondes after a few weeks of rehab."

"Thanks for the obvious trust you have in me, sweet sister." I mumbled with a pursed mouth, concentrating on my food again. It was a welcome distraction from the harsh truth: people weren't exactly thinking highly of me.

"Can you swear on anything that is holy to you that you have never, ever gotten back together with a girl you have dumped weeks ago?"

"No. But that doesn't mean that I would do that again." I mumbled, my self-defense crumbling.

"I don't understand it, really. You make these girls fall for you, you drop them and then pick them up again? Why? And most importantly, why do they always fall for you?"

"I could tell you what they fall for, but you are my sister so I will shut up."

The dirty grin I gave her earned me a disgusted looking face and a sharp kick against my shin underneath the table. I hissed in pain, rubbing the spot as I threw her an angry look.

"You deserved that, asshole. You have treated the women in your life like shit and then you wonder why everyone is expecting the worst of you."

"I have been nothing but honest. I never promised anyone anything."

"Nothing but honest? Christian, not promising someone something doesn't mean you haven't given them hope. All of that for what? For some hanky-panky!"

"Hanky-panky? Stop talking like Grandma Willis."

"You stop changing the subject and take an honest look on how you have treated women in the past few years."

"What's with the sudden attack? Can't a man enjoy brunch without being questioned about his past relationships?" I asked with furrowed brows and the uncomfortable feeling of shame coloring my cheeks in a red that wasn't as attractive as the red cheeks of a woman I knew very well.

"You never had a relationship before, dumbass. You had long-term hook-ups which you usually ended like a total dick, by the way. Like the one time you dropped your high school, may Lord forgive me for calling her that, girlfriend right before prom night just because said Spiderman 3 was a good movie. You nerd left your girlfriend because she had a different opinion about a movie, but that's not the worst thing you have done even though that poor girl is crying on every single one of her prom pics because you asshole also decided to go with her best friend to prom."

"It takes two to tango. Her best friend was eager to go to prom with me." I said, trying to defend myself as I wondered why I was getting verbally whipped on a Sunday morning while I had been doing nothing but eating peacefully. Okay, there was also the possibility that my sister was using my recent fuck-up – and her misunderstanding, if we have to be honest – as an excuse to have her fun with me, she loved to tell me all about my mistakes, the kid gloves coming off.

"Or that one time you left that girl, I don't remember her name, it was something with a S, anyway, you left her right before New Year's Eve. And if I am not wrong you guys were supposed to celebrate it together. In fucking Amsterdam. The vacation she booked for you two, by the way."

"It was a difficult time in my life." I mumbled underneath my breath, earning an angry gasp, her tiny hand swift against the table. Two tables on our left, one of Mum's nosy book club ladies nearly strained her neck to get a closer look on what was happening, Mia not caring unlike me. It was a wonder that Mum or Dad hadn't got wind of our conversation yet.

"The cancellation of your favorite show isn't a reason to dump your girlfriend, Christian."

"Some of them broke my heart, too." I finally snapped, desperate to defend myself even if my chances were low. "Remember when Chloe left me because I didn't want to wear that ridiculous t-shirt she had made for me? It was full of glitter."

"Christian, that was in Middle School. That doesn't count."

"I was heartbroken, wasn't I? That counts."

"So, what? Just because Chloe broke your heart you get to break everyone else's? Really?"

"I never said that."

"Well, you implied it. You made me think that way. Just like you did with all your blondes, you made them think that you were meant to be forever, while you only had for now in mind." Mia said with a proud raised chin, hitting a sore spot without even knowing it.

 _For now. Forever._

Those words sounded more than familiar, being the main part of most of my conversations with Anastasia and especially my promises to her. _I will give you now, isn't that enough? I can't promise you a future, a forever, but now you are the center of my attention._ Had I given Anastasia the wrong hopes without even knowing it? Wait, what did she hope for? I was doubting that she was hoping for anything at all since she was the one insisting on keeping us a secret, but what was I doing with her then?

Or what was she doing with me?

I realized that I probably needed to short my shit just as much as she did. Making out behind closed doors was fun, but the reality was that we weren't only hiding our relationship from others, we were also hiding from ourselves.

"I never meant it that way and I never wanted to hurt anyone." I said, Mia missing the real meaning of my words. Her verbal attack was making the fog in my brain even more intense, another layer of confusion added to the already existing, stinky pile which I clearly needed to clean up if I wanted to find inner peace. Ironically, answers were what I needed, Anastasia as always present on my mind.

"I know you never mean it that way, but you also use that as an excuse. Well, have used it, at least." Mia gave me a smile, I guessed it was meant to be encouraging, but my mood had taken a nose dive already. "You can't really be surprised that people now expect, as you call it, the worst of you."

"I have changed, haven't I? I haven't had anyone since Elena and I don't intend to." What a shameless liar I had become. "At least not that way. You know, the way in which I, according to you, use them and lose them repeatedly."

"Yeah, you had changed which was what gave me hope, big bro. But you can't just expect people to believe you just like that, actions mean more than words."

"And how exactly would I do that?"

"Have you tried giving people time?"

My silence was answer enough, the cocky grin on her face showing how proud she was about having won our argument.

I understood why people, especially Anastasia, would need time to trust me completely, I had always known that my past wasn't spotless after all, but while I respected that I also was feeling desperate, for the first time ever, to get lost completely in a girl and a life with her, nothing like this having happened to me before. It seemed like I would have to test my own patience if I wanted to win the big lottery.

"Have I hurt your feelings? I didn't want to, big brother, but sometimes you really need to get your ass kicked." Her apologetic smile was sincere, my lips curling up instinctively.

"Good thing you do it so rarely." I noted, earning an eye roll. "Though, how the hell you went from _how could you meet with Elena_ to _OMG Christian, you have been behaving like a dick all your life_ I will never know. Seems like you were waiting for an opportunity to release the kraken all along."

"Well, if the time is right." She said with a shrug, shamelessly reaching for my glass with the drink she hadn't let me enjoy earlier. "You were a dick, seriously, and I remember how I blamed the women in your life for your mistakes which made me, and you might have noticed that, not like them very much."

"You didn't like my exes? What? I'm shocked. I never could tell." I gasped playfully, remembering all the direct or hidden comments about my, what she called, _bimbo of the month_.

"Stop with the sarcasm. I'm trying to have serious conversation here." Mia raised a finger in warning, making me motion to zip up my lips. "It was idiotic of me to blame those girls for their naivety while it was obviously you who was guilty by shamelessly making use of said trait to get whatever it was what you wanted. Your sexist little fetish of banging blondes with a brain size of a sand grain was the problem, not said blondes even though some of them were really annoying."

"Tell me about it." I muttered impulsively, seconds afterward a dull pain pulsing through my shin, a curse leaving my lips quiet enough for only the two of us to hear.

"This is what I am talking about, asshole. Look how you talk behind their back. You have absolutely no respect for them and as your sister that breaks my heart because they are women just like me. You wouldn't want one of my exes to treat me this way, would you?"

"I respected them!" I let out with a frowning, not remembering one of my exes being pissed about the way I treated them. They all had been pleased with me, if I may say so.

"No, you didn't. You tolerated them enough for the amount of time in which you wanted something from them and afterward you broke up with them for God knows whatever reason. And some of these break-ups were really dick moves, Elena Lincoln being one of the worst. Over the phone, for fuck's sake."

"I had wanted to break up with her face to face. Really." I defended myself with raised brows, her words causing confusion inside me which I tried to talk myself out of. "I would have done it face to face if she hadn't ditched me on that day for her friend."

"Oh yeah, she ditched you to help her friend. How cruel." Mia said through pursed lips, brows furrowed tightly as she regarded me with pure shame, shame on my behalf. "You could have chosen to break up with her the next time you saw her, one more day or two wouldn't have hurt you. But you didn't and you know why? You didn't give a single fuck about her."

"Alright." I said with an annoyed groan. "Did you really thing I had feelings for her?"

"This is not about having feelings for her, Christian. It's about respecting someone enough to break up with them face to face, telling her how you are sorry maybe or even blunt honesty on how about you guys weren't meant to be. Anything is better than a text message, really. No wonder she doesn't get that you broke up."

The pointed look she gave me made me zoom out of the here and now, in my mind trying to remember all the things she blamed me with and soon enough I was flooded with memories of how I had treated my exes, Elena Lincoln especially. There was a lot of arrogance on my part, me taking their presence for granted as long as I enjoyed it and afterward dropping them like a hot potato with the intent of finding someone new again, no fucks given about what and who was left behind as long as they didn't keep running back to me. I greedily took whatever they offered, asking for more if I wanted, but never giving back because, unlike what I told them or made them believe with my silence, I wasn't looking for a relationship with any of them, I had always been looking for a situationship, so to speak. Or a long-term booty call.

Yet, I had let them believe that I was a boyfriend type of guy.

No wonder, Elena had problems understanding that I was done with her forever and ever.

Shame sitting deep in my very core colored my cheeks and neck as my throat dried, the orange juice only helping a little, my mind instinctively wandering to Anastasia and how she had been a witness of my many short-term situationship thingies, whatever you wanted to call them, and how she probably didn't think of me better than my sister seemed to do.

I was thoroughly fucked.

In a way, I was using the same tactic with her just like with my exes, the one in which I make her believe that I wanted more than it seemed like, consuming everything she gave me, demanding trust while not taking any actions to make her trust me, the risk of getting dropped like a hot potato a constant reminder to her how much of an asshole I was in my past.

No wonder, Anastasia didn't want to become official.

And holy fuck.

I really, really wanted to become official with Anastasia Steele.

Her not so paranoid, nervous fit of jealousy had already made me wonder on how I could change for her, for us – as serious as that sounded -, and I had done the first thing I came up with when my phone had ringed with Elena's name written on it again: I needed a clean cut of my past if I wanted to have a future or at least a presence with Anastasia.

Getting Elena to meet up with me had been easy. She had thought of it as a date even though I had chosen the most unromantic place on earth, a greasy bistro famous for his head sized burgers, her outfit sticking out like a sore thumb while she had bubbled and bubbled about the gala her family was hosting soon and how I was invited, too. I had tried listening to her politely, but soon enough my patience had run out and what followed had been the most tiresome conversation of my life.

 **Me:** Elena, we need to talk.

 **Her:** Don't worry, sweetie. I have taken care of everything, your suit is made by my dad's personal tailor.

 **Me, who is trying not to roll his eyes:** This is not about my suit, Elena. I have something important to talk to you about.

 **Her:** I will make sure our outfits fit, darling. You just have to look handsome.

 **Me:** Elena, Elena, please. I need to talk to you about that text message I sent you weeks ago, remember? When you left for Portland with Maria?

 **Her, looking mildly confused:** We had a silly fight that day, sweetie. I forgave you for it.

 **Me, massaging my nose bridge in order to stay calm:** Elena, did you understand what happened on that day? I broke up with you. Over a text message.

 **Her:** You were just angry. It's over now, right?

 **Me, sighing deeply:** It's been over all along. I broke up with you on that day, Elena. And while you have been resistant about understanding it, I have tried not to hurt... well, no, that's a lie. I didn't give a fuck about you being hurt, I just tried to ditch you whenever we crossed paths or ignoring your texts and calls, and that was a dick move. Maybe that's why you didn't understand that we are over, maybe my silence made you think whatever it was that you thought.

 **Her, looking like somebody told her Santa Claus wasn't real:** Baby? What are you trying to say?

 **Me, sending prayers to the Gods of Honesty, hoping to be rewarded for my noble sacrifice of today:** I am not your Baby, Elena. To be honest, I have never been. We were just having sex, something I very much enjoyed, and in order to make you keep wanting to have sex with me I let you believe that I was romantically interested in you or even had feelings for you.

 **Her, now crying:** But you said that you love me? That wasn't a lie, right?

 **Me, looking for a handkerchief:** Technically, it's not a lie since I never really said it. I just didn't say that _I don't love you_ like that. I know that makes me an asshole, I am sorry.

 **Her, hiccupping and pouting:** Christian, we had something great together.

 **Me, somehow enjoying this honesty thing:** It was only great as long as I wanted you, Elena. I am sorry.

 **Her, surprisingly easy to talk to:** So, now you are leaving me? Forever?

 **Me, one last sigh:** Yes, Elena, yes. I am leaving you forever. I am sorry for how I have treated you, really. I wish it had never gotten to that point.

She had cried a river of tears, all of which I patiently tried to take while I tried to make her understood that it wasn't her fault that I was such an asshole, okay, if she hadn't let me treat her like shit to begin with... anyway, I had finally done what had been long overdue: officially and effectively breaking up with Elena Lincoln.

I wondered how Mia's friend interpreted our short, tear filled meeting as a make-up reunion, but that wasn't my problem. I had done what had been on my mind since my fight with Anastasia, working off my list of sins – it was a long as fuck list, by the way – in order to make her trust me enough to be seen in public with me. Sure, her reaction when Elena had interrupted our hot make out session had wounded me, making me brood a couple of days in silence as I thought about the first emotional pain caused by a woman I was going through and how maybe karma was pulling the strings this time - I had hurt many other women before, so now the one woman I actually wanted more with was hurting me. To make matters worse, I kinda deserved what she had charged me with.

I had the name and reputation to be the dickhead who cheated on her with his ex.

Today, my sister had only made more obvious how much of an asshole I had been all along and after all the broken hearts I had left behind, all the tears that had been shed because of me, all the girls whose dreams and hopes I had egoistically used for my own gain, it was no wonder that I was being told no by the one woman I actually wanted all the promises I had directly or indirectly made to my exes without the intent to fulfill any of them.

I believed that life was a set of examinations. It wasn't set in stone how many you had, your circumstances were a huge factor for example, but it was clear that all of us human beings would have to pass one or many tests thorough life, one harder than the other, and it seemed like, as if God or whoever/whatever created our universe had a special kind of humor, the test in this part of my life was no one else than the very brunette Anastasia Steele.

I had decided that maybe facing this challenge would be easier if I had my shit together or of my past didn't keep reminding her how much of a dick I had been, going through my long list of exes to make peace with them, Elena Lincoln being the one who actually got a personal apology since my journey with her was closer in the past.

I now was a proud owner of a new phone number and E-mail with all the numbers of exes, hook-ups and awkward one-night-stands deleted forever, a new start with a clean cut, so to speak.

"I made sure Elena understood that we are done." I said, finding my place in the here and now again where my sister's eyes were looking at me questioningly.

"You obviously haven't since she keeps pestering you. Meeting up with her won't be any help either, by the way."

"No, I am not speaking about that silly text." I said, rolling my eyes while ignoring her accusing tone. "I didn't meet her to have a reunion. I met with her to break up with her, officially and effectively. You know, to make her understand and maybe to apologize."

The shocked look she gave me soon turned into a small smile, hope hiding in her next words.

"Maybe there is still a chance for you, big brother."

I just hoped she would let me have a chance with her best friend.

* * *

 **Only 3 or 4 more to go, peeps.**

 **xoxo Melii**


End file.
